Monday, December 28, 2009

8 Days, 12 hours, Or Something Like That....

Post-Holiday Update: Last Weeks Date

Actually my holiday really hasn’t started quite yet. Before I give you the goods on Mr. H, I forgot to tell you about my date last week. It was ok...maybe that’s why I forgot to mention it. Nothing exciting. Just drinks with Chris. Remember him??? Yeah, I know, it’s been awhile. We keep in touch periodically, but nothing worth mentioning in general. No sex, no romance, nothing worth jumping up and down about. He’s nice enough, just no chemistry.

Our date was kinda like running into an old college friend, and then saying, “hey we should have drinks sometime”...but then you go & have drinks, and wish you could take it back. Something like that....

In Other News

Jason & I played phone tag one day last week. He left me a cute little poem on my voice-mail. Actually it was super corny, but I loved it! I wish I could play it for you, cause as soon as I heard it, I died from ingesting too much air laughter. Jason is such a sweetheart. He’s at home, so we haven’t hung out, but it was nice talking to him.

In Other, Other News

The 30 club is sending my membership card in like 8 days. I’m getting a little excited. #neworleanshereicome

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Weekend Update: Man of the House, He is Not...

His Slow Death, Has Been Fast Tracked...

So Mr. Henry & I have had a slight fight, i.e. parting of ways, i.e. lovers quarrel, i.e. he's in time-out for the umpteenth time. It pretty much stemmed from a little lot of selfishness on his end. Sorry to all you Mr. H lovers, but, let's keep it real. Mr. H and I aren't good for each other. (Although POW swears we are going to get married.) I think the history and comfort, and freaky shit keeps us going back for more. Like when he's good, he's not that bad. But when he pisses me off, it's only so much I can take before I reached my piss-tivity limit. Here's what happened.

Friday night, he wanted me to trek to his place to "fold sheets". By the time we actually got it together, the 3 ft. blizzard predictions had actually begun to come to fruition. I told him, that I wasn't sure how bad it was going to get and that I would prefer he come back to my place, because I had stuff to take care of in the morning, if the weather permitted He agreed. We stop and get food and drinks, and settle in for movies and a "sheet-folding marathon".

So Friday night, we fooled around but didn't have sex. I wake-up Saturday morning, and lo and behold the weathermen were actually right. Mr. H wakes up a little cranky, because we didn't make it a homerun night. He requested sex and breakfast. Houston, we have a problem. I didn't make it to the grocery store, so my fridge is bare. I tell him I'll throw something together, but I wanted to see how bad it was, because, I had stuff to take care of for my business.
I go out, and see that the snow is piling up on my porch. I decide to play super-diva, and start shoveling the snow. Mind you it's like 9 in the morning, and it's still going strong. For every patch I got done, it was covered about 10 minutes later. My neighbor comes out and we both shovel and chitchat. About 30 minutes later, I go inside and am a little peeved at Mr. H. He's sitting on the couch scratching his balls, watching t.v.

Him: What happened to breakfast

Me: Uhhh, are you f'n serious??? You coulda cooked. Why didn't you come check on me, or come out and help. You are so fucking lazy. I can't believe you just sat here the whole time & watched tv.

Him: Uhhhhhh, no one told you to go out and be superwoman. I just got up, and I've been calling the airline to check on my flight but couldn't get through. You said you were gonna cook, not go out & shovel snow at 9 in the morning

Me: My neighbor came out to help me

Him: You didn't give me a chance to get up and get dressed.

Me: You have to shovel my car out. I can't believe you

Trust me, this was only the beginning, to be continued...

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Late Night Quickie Update:Snowed In With Mr. H

Well not snowed in yet, but close. He's asleep and I'm wide awake. Sigh. I know I've been MIA, but work & life and more work had me tired the last few weeks. It's almost over...

So here's 3 quickies in no particular order.

1. Mr. H & I have been spending a lot of time together lately. He spent the night three times this week, and I spent the night at his place once. I'm not ready to do the relationship talk thing, I'm in chill mode. We've been down this raod & quite frankly, I like where we are at right now...although there is one thing I haven't told him, which is...

2. I'm going to New Orleans to party with Brian my birthday this point, no one else is going.

3. Miss you guys too!!!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Weekend Update: F'N Wagons

I spoke too soon. Me going without vodka, is akin to me not breathing. It doesn’t make since. Suffice it to say, I fell this weekend. Hard. Damn Wagon. Oh, and while we’re at it. I might as well make my other confession. I seen it coming a week or so ago, when we hung out, and I held out. All this weekend he continued to wear me down. I tried to be strong, I did. But, when he asked me to wear my “tall black boots” I knew I was doomed. He tried to pull out all the stops too, candles, full body massage, extra foreplay....Mr. H, Mr. H. Don’t ask me what we are doing. Even I don’t know at this point. It’s like a really good shoe sale, you know you need to walk away, but you can’t. You’re addicted to shoe shopping....sorry that’s the only metaphor that I could think of!

In Other News

I’m thinking about going to New Orleans. Brian and I texted and talked Friday, and he suggested it, since my birthday plans aren’t really going as planned. Small little secret. I’m scared as shit. I haven’t seen him since this summer, and well. We talk, but neither one of us have talked about THIS.

Friday, December 4, 2009

7 Weeks, 5 Days, Going Without

5. So I have given up all things drinking for the month of December. Don’t laugh. I can do it. Remember that one time I went 17days....the main reason is my b-day, the other reason is my last drinking bout. I had waaayyyy too much in like the course of two hours, get this at brunch! I don’t want to look like one of those women who have been drinking every single day at breakfast, lunch & dinner, when I’m 40. So, no more vodka, at least for the next 30 days!

4. Mr. H and I hung out last weekend, Saturday night & most of Sunday. We went drinking (that was second time that day) and then he spent the night. I really didn’t want him to roll over & play hokey pokey, so I decided to sleep on the couch. Around 4am, he came & got me, and took me back to my room. He tried to pull me close & I moaned and pulled away. He tried to rub my booty and I scooted away. In the morning, I got up before him & jumped in the shower. Later that day, he asked why I didn’t accept his love-stick “gift”. I gave him the brush off...

3. I’ve been extremely busy after work. Hence the hiatus.

2. Brian sent me a random text on Monday, asking me if it was my birthday & how my Thanksgiving was. #random

1. Jason & I have been playing a little tag. We were going to try to hang out, but both have conflicting schedules as of late. We talked randomly this week, and I found out, he wants like a million kids. We all know how I feel about that....

P.S. I think I might give up love-sticks too. It’s been 7 weeks, and I haven’t been horny, not once...well maybe after my vivid dream last night. Oh & when I worked out with my trainer this week. Oh & when I....never-mind

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

REPOST: P.S.A: Shedding Light on Scary Words

I originally posted this in March, today seems appropriate to re-post.

"It's time for another P.S.A. Don't skim, read it. Damn it." - Diva

There aren’t too many things that scare me. Spiders, nope. Monsters under my bed...nope. Having dreams about running in a naked marathon...not so much. But who knew that there would be three words, (sometimes four) that scare me. Or rather three acronyms.

Last week, and the week before last, I was obsessed. I tend to do it atleast twice a year. Stay up surfing the net, googling, and reading all of the latest info. Then talking to the nurse about new statistics...Diva, what are you talking about??? HIV, AID's, STD’s. Yep, those words scare the shit out of me and it boggles me, why they don’t scare other people. I mean, I would have to question someone who is more worried about getting preggers (or getting someone preggers) than catching one of these three letter words. Or maybe they do scare people so much, they can’t even bring themselves to utter the said word. So lets say it: HIV, AID's, STD's...

I remember the first time I went to get tested. My gosh, it was the longest 3 minutes and the longest week of my life.

I go into the center and am the only person there. This attractive counselor meets me and starts asking me all kinds of questions?

Him: Do you use needles

(In my head) - Do I look like I use needles?

Me: No

Him: Do you have multiple partners

(In my head) - How dare he?

Me: No, I’m celibate

Him: Have you engaged in sex with men, women or both?

(In my head) - WTF???

Me: Men

The questions went on & on. Then we did the oral swab (OraSure) and it was done. Just like that. But not quite. I had to wait almost one week for my results. That was the LONGEST week of my life. Someone calls me from the office, “can’t you just tell me over the phone?” - no, it’s policy, you have to come in, the voice replies.

I go in, and am forced to wait in the office. Then I’m called to a smaller room.

My heart stops beating. I can barely move. I feel like I could pass out at any moment.

The same counselor that did the swab is reading something to me. I don’t know, I can’t hear. My eyes are blurry...then he hands me the paper.

Him: Are you ok?

Me: Yes, I was just scared?

Him: Well you are ok, you’re negative. In my eight years of working here, I can count on one hand how many times I had to give bad news, and they were extreme cases. Just be sure to be safe, use protection and to get tested every 6 months to a year.

My heart started beating again. That was the year I stayed celibate. I was so utterly terrified, scared, and petrified of those scary acronyms...

Educate yourselves, use protection, get tested.

Start here:

(The fourth scary word is unrelated, another blog another time)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Friday Night Date: Ummm How Old Are You?

How can I say this nicely...his cons definitely outweighs his pros.

My date on Friday, sigh. First let me say this. There are some disclaimers and information one should reveal about themselves within the first few conversations. I know some people will disagree with me, but, my date definitely was pulling the “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” on me on Friday.

First - I was surprised by his appearance. I mean that in the nicest way. I just simply forgot what he looked liked. I’m standing at Borders, waiting for him to appear, and I’m watching all the young attractive professionals walk by. One in particular was quite yummy. And low & behold, someone’s grandpa sneaks up behind me and gives me a hug.....oh wait, it was my date!, what can I say??? I’m sure he could have been a cutie in his heyday, but well right now, he was a cross between Ben Franklin & John McCain (ok, I kid, I kid....but still)...

Second - Our date started out quite early for a Friday, and it went into the wee hour of 1am. I didn’t uphold my own two-hour rule. But in my defense, it was hard, because he wanted to take me around the World D.C. to all of his favorite spots. We started off by stopping at a shop to get items that we would need for the second portion of the date (get your minds out the gutter), then we headed to at a private members only club and had drinks and dinner. He showed me around, and we talked politics, work, etc. His first surprise came at ohhh about half-way through the first bottle of wine. He has three kids. Now I’m not one to discriminate against people with children, in fact I did date the Old Man who had two sons my age. I never made an issue of it. But well Grant has three moochers teenagers who happen to live with him. Now something about all of this info coming out, after I’m pretty much stuck at dinner, is fishy. Ok, you have three kids that live with you??? Hmmmmm.

Me: So I take it you’ve been married

Grant: I’m separated

Ahhhh, the moment of truth, this old fart is still married, and is obviously living with wifey and the kids. (Separated my ass) At this point he didn’t offer up anymore information. I didn’t feel like probing him, because I already decided this will be our first & last date, and since he was obviously not going to volunteer the pertinent information needed, I had no choice but to draw my own conclusion.

Third - The thing, that bothered me the most, aside from the fact that he had three and a possible on his payroll, was the fact that he was a big fat faker. I mean, he was so fake, you look up fake, and his picture appeared in color. How so? He was flashy, he was fronting, he kept bragging. He wanted me to know that he was well off. Everything came back to his job & where he went to school at. He kept saying “this is the life”, “we are living the life of luxury”. Newsflash papa, smoking cheap cigars, and eating $15.00 dinner specials are not the life of luxury in my book. Yes, we are fortunate, but stop-it. He kept telling me how he liked the finer things in life, so I decided to pull his card.

Me: Oh, you must really travel a lot, where have you been?

Grant: Oh St. Lucia and Greece

Me: Wow, Greece? When was the last time you’ve been there

Grant: Oh about 10 years ago

Me: So that’s it?

Grant: Well, ummm I like to go skiing, and I go to Lake Tahoe. So where have you been?

Me: Ohh, I’ve been to France, Belgium, Germany, London, Jamaica, the D.R., I think Jamaica was my favorite though

The look was a Kodak moment...

Oh, wait-to top it all off. He lost major points when he told me he was a in a nut-shell, that was my date with Ben Franklin...

Friday, November 20, 2009

Unexpected Option (Part 2 of 2)

Sooo, I know part 2 is a day or so late. So much, yet so little is going on. So Friday ended with Jason and I parting ways. The weekend was simple. I had business stuff to take care of, Mr. Henry was dropping hints about “coming” over and quite frankly, I’ve just been in “chill” mode.
Monday, was very, very interesting. A few things happened, first I received a call from “Grant” a new guy that I’m going on a date with tonight. He called me on Monday to see if I wanted to go on a date on Tuesday. Last minute eh? I told him I was busy, and that Friday would work best for me (all I did on Tuesday was go to the gym, but he didn’t need that info).

Second, Mr. Henry called me to see if I wanted to go to the gym with him. (he likes to watch me on the treadmill) I declined, and told him, I was going to Pilates.

Third, I text Jason to see if he was going home next week for Thanksgiving. A few texts and a conversation later, I’m at his place taking my clothes off, just kidding!!! We decided to catch a movie yes I know we just seen one on Friday run an errand, and grab an impromptu bite to eat.

The whole time we are joking with each other and just having a good time. The weather is nice, we are both in a good mood, and he drove, so I had a chance to just be. We make it to the movie just as it’s starting, so we sat up front. Throughout the movie, we make little comments to each other, at one point he grabs my hand, and is rubbing it, playing with it, interlacing our fingers.

The movie gets deep.

My gaze is transfixed on the screen.

I’m trying to hold it back.

Diva’s don’t cry A few silent tears escape.

Jason reaches over and rubs the tears off my face. And holds my hands tighter.

Jason (whispering): Aweee are you crying, it’s ok. Don’t cry.

Me: No, I’m not crying. It’s your breath, it has me in tears. I told you not to say words that begin with ahhh

Jason: (Laughing) Whatever.

After the movie, we talk about it, and head back to his place. A few things to note about our outing:

1) While we were eating, he asked me about Brian. I almost forgot I told him, I had a crush on him. We had a conversation

2) He’s such a F’n gentleman, opens car doors, front doors, just doors in general, let’s me walk in first, walks me to the truck, pushes me out of the way, so cars won’t hit me. You almost forget to expect “gentlemanly behavior”.

3) The verdict is out...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Unexpected Options (Part 1 of 2)

An unexpected option may surprise you. Jason. Remember him. Kinda movie buddy, former co-worker. Well he ended up being my Friday option this weekend. Imagine, it was Friday, wet & rainy, and mother nature was kicking my ass, but I didn't want to stay in, despite my uterus feeling like a semi was hitting it over, and over, and over. I went & had a drink in Adams Morgan and sent a few texts. I almost forgot about Jason being somewhat of a homebody, but willing to "chill". I sent him a text to see what he was doing. We ended up setting up a last minute thing for the movies.

Around 10pm, I meet him, and the theatre is PACKED. We made it just in time to see our movie. Throughout it, we are laughing and making stupid jokes to each other. He grabs my hand, and we we end up holding hands most of the movie, the other part my hand is on his thigh. After the movie, we kind of walk arm in arm to my truck.

The awkward moment commences. You know the moment...

he walks me to the truck,

we stand there for a sec, he realizes he's parked one floor up and asks for a ride to his truck.

We find his truck, and I pull out the way to let him out.

He lingers for a second and tells me what a great time he had, I tell him likewise.

The car behind us goes around.

I look in my rearview.

I open my arms & give him a hug and tell him I'll see him later.

He gets out.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Vegas, According To Bond (Guest Post)

I read and lurk on a lot of blogs. I present to you Bond. Black Bond. It just so happened that Bond & I were in Vegas the same weekend; extremely unknowingly close. And, it just so happened, that we may have stayed in the same hotel for a day or so!!! In anycase, I’m not spilling the beans on what happened with me & POW in Vegas. Atleast not yet. However, you should enjoy the Bond Experience.

(This is the finale for the Vegas series. I was there for another night, but it was uneventful as I was there alone. I know each post was lengthy and I took awhile to finish, but I wanted to be as descriptive and authentic as I could be. I will be back to 'normal' blogs from this point. At least until the next series--Bond)

Starring: The Black Bond
Co-Starring: Diddy
Guess Starring: Latino Mami(s), The Texas Girls, The Beckys, D list celebrities, retired athlete, Pop starlet, random video vixen/jersey chasers, etc.
Location: VEGAS!

Soundtrack courtesy of The Black Bond iPod

"Run This Town", "F*ck All Night", "Excuse Me Miss" by Jay-Z
"Money to Blow", "Still Fly", "Ransom", "Stunt Hard" by Drake
"Never Get It", "H*es" by Lil' Wayne
"First Day Out" by Gucci Mane (AYE!)
"3 in the morning" by UGK
"PWA" by 5th ward boyz
"Hey Ma (remix)" by Cam'Ron
"Bubble Music" by Cam'Ron
"Bad Whiskey (Wavy)" by Max B

"The Game is ours
we'll never foul out...
Y'all just better hope
we gracefully bow out"--Sean Carter, Do It Again, Vol. 3

Diddy gets a call from a gamer in ATL. A gamer is what we call a female player. She usually has the face of an angel, body of a goddess, personality of a jester, and the aura of a queen. When I was in college and I would be in cities like Atlanta, Houston, D.C., etc. they were frequent. Now I see more clucks than a little. I think people in general just are not what they used to be.

Anyway, this particular gamer is calling Diddy about a business opportunity. He puts his phone on speaker to let me hear her slick talk. She is selling a product called a body wrap*. She has a practical monopoly from Atlanta to Houston with this product and she wants to expand to Los Angeles. She boasts that she has made $15,000 in one month. She wants Diddy and whoever he knows (i.e. Me & J) to put some money up for her to expand or to take the body wrap to our respective cities of origin/residence. The money sounds good, but I'm a guy--what the hell do I look like selling body wraps to women?!

She goes in about how when she was in Vegas a guy noticed her ass (yeah, that'll do it) and put her up in a penthouse. He lives in L.A. but she hasn't had a chance to break him. She's not about sex, she says it takes a check to get her wet. Hilarious...but I love it; reminds me of one of my lines. Diddy tells her he will hear her out, types in the dates she will be in L.A. then hangs up.

I go through my wager slips to see if there are any I have overlooked. Damn. I notice all of the money I lost; moreover, the money I lost out on. I find two slips that seem to be live: 8-team parlay cards with one game left for Ole Miss. Win potential: $1100 dollars. I think my luck is about to change.

Diddy texts the Italian girl, her name is Janelle*. She works for a publishing and media company on the east coast. She was in Vegas initially for business, but decided to go out Saturday. I instruct him on what to say. She comes across as a woman who is susceptible to flattery. She eventually stops texting and calls after one of his (my) lines intrigue her. She wants to meet us at the infamous pool party that takes place at the Hard Rock every Sunday. She has passes & VIP, however, we must go now to take advantage.

I tell Diddy I will meet him at the Hard Rock. I do not want to be a third wheel and I want to see if I will win these bets. I also need to pack because I cannot stand being at this hotel any longer than I have to. I tell him to call me once he gets in line. He tells me that Fabolous was at a club inside the Bellagio last night called The Bank, and we probably could have gone in with me in jeans and a t-shirt. I don't think he realizes that I am impartial.

Diddy leaves and I turn the television to ESPN to see the Ole Miss game. Ole Miss is winning, however, they are not covering the spread. Damn. I'm about to be depressed all over again. I send out a few texts to see if anybody else had any luck yesterday. The next thing I know, Ole Miss bounces back to score 28 points in the 4th quarter. I win. Guess my luck has changed.

I jump up to pack and take a shower. After I get dressed, I noticed Diddy has called. He says that the line to the pool party is around the block. The pool party was free until noon, however, the line will negate anybody getting in there by noon. I ask him about the passes, but her connect is no longer there...probably in the pool party. It turns out that T-pain and Fabolous will be at this pool party so it will be a concert as well as a party. I tell him to call me back when he finds out what the cover is.

I put on cargo shorts, polo shirt, and uptowns then head to my original hotel. On my way out there are men holding hands by the pool area. Pause.
I catch a cab to my hotel to check in. I walk into the lobby and there seems to be more people here than ever before. It seems like every time someone leaves Vegas, three people replace them. I ignore the line and walk directly to the attendant and inform her I have a reservation. She motions me to one of the people at the front desk. They place me on the 21st floor with a view of the strip. Guess my luck has improved.

After receiving my key card I walk to the sportsbook to collect my money. I see the Latino guy from Saturday, who asks me how my luck has been. I tell him it just got better: $1100 dollar parlay win. He says "shit! Damn homie, I need to do what you're doing". I give him dap then head upstairs to drop off my bags. Diddy calls to inform me that the cover is $100 dollars for guys, $50 dollars for females and it is already after noon. I tell him that I will be there, but he does not want to go, because he and Janelle decide to get massages. Now I see he is in impressive mode because he starts whispering asking me what type of massages are available and how much they cost. He wants to know what type of massage I had and how much it costs.
I tell him the massage was about $135 for a 60 minute session. He yells that I was bugged for paying that's Vegas. I enjoy living life without the harsh confines of possible restrictions.
He tells me he will call once they finish. I tell him to ditch the massage and go straight to her room. He laughs, but says he doesn't think so. Despite his initial aggression, he sometimes gets passive after initial contact; whereas I am usually tame initially and my aggression escalates as time goes on.

I decide to grab something to eat. I find a gourmet burger restaurant. This restaurant has all kinds of hamburgers made from various meats: pork, beef, lamb, turkey, etc. They also have a great selection of beers. To start off I have an apple beer while I look over the menu. In lieu of my win, I decide to order a Kobe beef burger on ciabatta bread. I finish the apple beer in 2 minutes. The bartender tells me that they offer a better selection. This is a coy way of him saying I need to step my beer game up (laughs). Never one to back to down from a challenge, I go straight to the beers from Germany.

My uncle served 2 tours in Germany during the 80's. He would always remark about three things: Cleanliness, Beer, and Women. He would tell me stories where his German girlfriends behavior was damn near obsessive. They would drink with him, fight people with him (laughs), and sex him crazy. He would get excited reminiscing about his time in Germany. I tried to remember the name of the beer he always spoke about. He's been gone for a few years now and though we were not close, I miss him. When he got out of the Army to live with us for a few months when I was a child, I though he was the biggest man on earth. 6'4, 280 lbs of muscle. Baritone voice. Country boy through and through: he loved to eat, drink, fight, and chase women so much so that could have been his obituary. Most of all he loved his family. One of the guys he drank with noted how pretty my sister was once and he grabbed his Glock and chased the guy down the street. My father had to be called to calm him down because he wanted to kill the guy...and that was his friend. I often think about my uncle in an NFL uniform or in a boxing ring. His room at my Nana's house lined with trophies, metals, and athletic awards. I think if he had received the guidance at a young age his story would have ended differently.

Doppelbock. That is the name of the beer. I order a Doppelbock to pay homage to my uncle. I have yet to enjoy the life of the Deutsch, but at least with this beer I will give my uncle his moment. The beer is corked. The bartender must uncork the beer before I can drink it. The alcohol content is about 12%. At this point two girls are seated on my left and everyone else is looking at the spectacle that is a beer. I take a sip: it tastes like a Guinness syrup. The girls want to know how it tastes. I tell them it is good, just very strong. They introduce themselves as: Liz* and Hailey*. Liz lives in San Diego, Hailey lives in Vegas. Hailey is the better looking, but Liz is the most personable. Hailey has a boyfriend (damn), Liz does not. I lay on the charm and discover Liz is a buyer for a department store. I inquire about the Barney's limited edition converse and she gives me a number of someone in NY to contact Monday. Out of the blue, Hailey declares that she likes me and I am cool. Guess I passed the test. They whisper for awhile, then my phone rings: Diddy.

Diddy informs me that he is at the Wynn receiving a deep-tissue massage with Janelle. Janelle was concerned that I was lonely and wanted to check on me. I tell him that I won my bets, unpacked my bags, and I am now enjoying the companies of two ladies. He says, "Damn, I guess you winning?", I reply, "that's what I do. Win.". He tells me he'll call me when he finishes.

I tell the girls it was Diddy. They vocalize their initial concerns why I was alone. They though I was with a female. After small talk, Liz gives me her number and asks me to call them tonight to hang out. Yeah, that usually turns out well for me. Hailey mentioned getting my opinion on some lingerie she bought and Liz casually mentioned that she had never dated a Black guy. Guess my luck has changed.

The girls give me hugs with promises to call me tonight for fun. I continue my conversation with a couple sitting to my right. We have an enlightened conversation about marriage, careers, children, and love. I thank them, pay my tab, then head back to the room.

I lay down for a minute to allow my body to enjoy a $50 dollar hamburger. I am confused if the past few days have been a fallacy or reality. I no longer have the urge to hit the club every night, sleep with every Beyonce/Kenya Moore doppelganger, drink like fish, or smoke like a train, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the pasture that is suburban cookouts, khakis, and conformity.

Diddy calls to tell me that he and Janelle went back to her room. He notes how soft and curvy her body was. The type of body that makes men end up with 7 kids and neurotic habits. She gave him head that was mind-blowing (pun intended). Just when he was about to lay her, her boss calls...

Continue the rest of the Bond Experience here.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Presents: Christmas Comes Early

So I have a few presents for my fellow bloggers, followers, secret crushes, and lovers (just kidding). Christmas is coming early for you!!!! Yeaaaa, um ok.

So I have been a busy little Diva. I've been on my grown-up stuff, so I haven't had much time for foolery, but I have had the pleasure of dropping a fun post over at True's spot What DC People Hate. She is pretty much raw & un-cut and says how she feels, but oh, so funny!!! Check her out, and follow her on twitter.

I didn't reveal all of my secrets, but I did drop a few hints on how to maximize multiple dates in one day!

Oh, and guess what, my gift-giving isn't over yet. I have something extremely fun in the works, that will shed a little more insight on what I do, when I'm not dating. Stay close to your BB's, cause I will be revealing it soon!

Stay dry.


Friday, November 6, 2009

60 days...

I can’t believe it! Two months until I officially leave behind my twenties. I’ve been feeling a little bit excited, nostalgic, and moody about it all. Actually, the age, rather word thirty, doesn’t quite scare me, as I don’t look a day over 25! However, the looming day ahead, has me analyzing my life and all of the things I have done, and haven’t done for that matter. I’ll admit, I have been somewhat of a slacker the last few years as it pertains to working, my career, and long-term life goals. I put a lot of that aside for partying and traveling the last few years. I do not regret it. Let me repeat that. I do not regret it.

The only thing I wish I was better at is saving, which I plan on being more diligent about. But well the partying and drinking, ehhh, I’m still in my twenties, and for me your 20’s (and ahem early thirties) are for partying and figuring life out. Maybe I’m pushing it a little, but you can’t change my mind on that.

I recently got back into the gym, because I want to bring in thirty with a BIG fabulous party and little sexy party dress, so I am cutting down on my extracurricular activities of vodka. Well I already started cutting down. Besides, I’ve been getting a bit bored lately with going out. I ventured out Wednesday night & last night, and have plans for tonight, but am thinking of “chilling”.

Speaking of “chilling”, guess who called me last night? (ok, not really related) The news broke on twitter first. Brian. I was in the shower and heard my phone. I thought it was a chick friend of mine calling me because I hadn’t made it to the watering hole yet. Instead it was him. I deleted his number in September because, our last conversation left me on the fence about our “friendship” ever being the same. Needless to say, I didn’t e-mail or call him, and lo-and behold, a missed call from his area code.

Speaking of out the blue calls/texts/flair messages and I miss you letters, I’ve been receiving quite a few of those lately. What is it with past flings re-surfacing? The saying holds true. "You never miss a good thing until it’s gone."

Monday, November 2, 2009

Quickie Weekend Update, No Babies Allowed

I've been slacking, I know...

This weekend was wet, not completely organized...both nights

Last week Mr. Henry and I had sex a few times and the guest post I wrote over at Single Sisters Speak Out is kinda related. By the way I still haven't had the big O. A good friend of mine had a good conversation about orgasms and sex, and basically, I have to keep at it...

More later, under the gun at work

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Get My Groove Back

Just when I thought I narrowed it down, I didn’t. Thus far my choices for this weekend’s costume festivities are:

Virgin (courtesy of Jac)
Sexy Chef
Sexy Chauffer
Cheerleader (I was one last year)
Space Cadet

Ummmm. I can’t think of anything else.

I have two costume parties to go to this weekend. One on Friday and one on Saturday. I love the thought of dressing in costume and hanging out. Last year, I went as a cheerleader and had a blast!!! This year I want to be more creative, however, I have like 72 hours to get it together.

So this past weekend I went out one day, spent one with Mr. H, and chilled on the last one. I have considerably cut down on going out. At first I thought I should have a doctor to check my temperature, you see if I had some kind of “lackofgoingout” bug going around. But in all honesty, I think I’ve kinda been all partied out. Lately it’s been the same thing, different day. I even dropped my signature drink for a new one. Maybe I should switch back. In any case, I’ll get my groove back this weekend!!! Sexy costumes always do it for me!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

I’m Convinced. He Likes To Mess My Hair Up

I want to know who’s selling the “she went to the salon, time to mess her up radar”. Mr. Henry’s timing.....ehhhh. Don’t get me wrong. The afternoon romp yesterday was fun, but there was no point in my visit to the salon, only for Mr. H to “sweat it out” less than 24 hours later.

I don’t know what we are doing? Really. He called and text me consistently for the last week. Yesterday when I didn't text him back right away, he called me at work and asked me if I received his text, (his text was a bit kinky, so I decided to make him wait). Hmmmmm.

It’s time for some new meat (pause), but I haven’t been up to going out lately. I went out last night for awhile, well I guess all night. I got home a few minutes before 2am. I’m thinking I’m all partied out...we’ll see what the weekend holds.

Friday night, open bar. Open bars always make life better.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Detroit. The Update: Short & Sweet

5. Detroit & my Michigan trip were good in general. Yes, they are one in the same, but I say Michigan because I was all over the place. I tried to fit everyone and everything in during the course of 4 days (technically 3 minus travel time). I ended up getting semi sick from the lack of sleep, traveling, and being cold...I’m 97% better now.

4. Chuck called me before my plane had the chance to taxi in. I called him back, but I was kinda just tired, hadn’t gotten the rental yet, and had about an hour drive to knock out. We played phone tag the next few days, tried to work something out, and finally got a chance to see each other over dinner & drinks. He has a girlfriend now. At first he didn’t claim her. Like, the first 3 times I asked about her. He finally broke down & showed me a picture of them the night before at her birthday party. Like really, you’re getting ready to go to Egypt with her in two weeks and you are still on the fence??? Hmmmm.

3. Lighting must have struck after I left the church. I’m pretty sure of it. Yes. I said church. I, Diva, actually went to church on Sunday while I was in Detroit. My Aunt asked me to go. Me being a woman of my word obliged her, although I was up until 5am that morning.

2. I won $823.00 dollars at MGM!!!

1. I spent it all back...(not in the same day) damn it. Don’t ask...ok half that night and pretty much half the next day.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Vault: About Chuck

As promised, shedding some insight on Chuck...

The first time I met Chuck, there was a block party on campus, at one of the apartment complexes. It was one of those parties my roommates and I happened upon and just ended up talking, flirting, watching, flirting. In college, I was a bold little something. I said the first thing that came to mind in some situations...more or less a good girl, but a “huge shit talker”, in a nice way.

So I see this guy, who I’ve seen around campus before, walking around looking like a greasy imitation of Al B. Sure. He was a super duper super senior, and in a fraternity that’s non-descript, but somehow they appeared on campus. Anyways, I see him talking to this girl. She gives him her number and as soon as she walks away, he gives it to his friend and they throw it away.

I said something to him. In a funny, but kind of “I know you didn’t, you’re not-all that” sort of way.

A month or so later, I see this same guy after a night at the bar. And yet again, he’s acting like he’s the shit, again, walking around, this time with a sucker, being nasty the one thing that irked the hell out of me in college. So I yell out the car and tell him he’s not all of that. We’re going back and forth flirting talking shit to each other and next thing you know, we’re exchanging numbers, and somehow end up on my couch.

We ended up becoming really good friends after tons of debauchery and lasciviousness although he always thought I was kidding when I told him he was bad in bed, or that his extended member was small. He had such a big ego (why, I’ll never know) so he thought I was funny, a challenge, and made it his mission to prove me wrong...

It’s been about nine, ten years and we are still friends and to this day, I still let him know, he's not all of that, and he still has a small Mr. Chuck. I'm not an ego killer, he still has one...

Detroit, Detroit

So like in seven or so hours I will be in the “D”. It’s been two years since my last visit, and I am definitely looking forward to catching up with some of my favorite people. Who? Well you guys met Breezy not too long ago, then there’s Chuck who I blogged about in passing. A few family members and other friends...

Speaking of Chuck, our friendship is interesting (I'll reach into the Vault & pull out our history). We’ve been friends for awhile, and Breezy, being the good friend that she is, took a few for the team when it came to his “friends”. The best wing-woman ever! And she got some perks from it! Chucks friend was so “in love” with her, he went the extra mile. Ahhhh the good ole days.

So Breezy, have my bullet-proof vest ready (I kid, lol)...

Monday, October 12, 2009

Weekend Update: Card Review & Puerto Rico, Maybe???

I’m sure my party girl card is up for review by the Party Police. This weekend was one of those weekends. I think it’s my bi-week, rather bi-month. I did go out Friday, and danced the whole night (my dress was soaking wet, ewwww.), however I really didn’t want to. I got invites to hang on Saturday and Sunday, but was tired after the work grind on Saturday, btw Mr. Henry did come through and helped me out!!! Maybe after this week’s little vacay to Michigan, I’ll get back on the party wagon.

Speaking of Mr. Henry, we talked about plans for our vacation to Puerto Rico Thanksgiving weekend. I started looking into places to stay last week. I think he really wants to do something, as do I...however I’m having second thoughts on whether we should go on this trip together. I know it seems ass backwards seeing as how I go on trips with everyone else. However, sexing on a weekly, nightly slumber-parties and weekend vacation romp fests could add up to be a disaster down the line. In fact, this weekend, we didn’t do the horizontal tango and I’m cool with that.

In fact, I think it’s time we buried the past and move more sexing Mr. H...

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Text Messages

I received the following text message today....

"Hi, this is "Derrick". The reason why I text you was to find out how you are doing. Also not trying to get into you business but how is your relationship going with your boyfriend"


I met Derrick last year when I went with Brian to Miami. In my defense, I was under the influence of alcohol. "Derrick" would send me text messages pretty much daily, even if I didn't respond.

Sometime in April or May, I told him I had a boyfriend....

In Other News:

Yes, I'm aware. I've been M.I.A.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My Yoga Pants Must Be Sexy

This is like the fourth, fifth, sixth time I've been accosted either on my way to my Pilates class, or leaving my Pilates class. Tonight, while I was in my happy place, this guy approached me. First, I'm all sweaty, looking like I just finished a marathon and ten-hour romp session, walking home, yoga mat in hand, still being "centered" and guy (to be named later) stops me, not in a good way. Second, he tries to relate to me and tells me that he takes yoga, and proceeds to name all of the classes he's taken.

Ok, dude. I don't care. I'm hungry, sweaty, and I was in my happy place. See, the thing is, I felt like he was stalking following me, because he came from out of nowhere, and just kind of rolled up on me like he was the FBI.

So he asks to call. (Side Note: I was feeling all of the red flags beginning to slowly rise :End Side Note)

Thirty minutes later he sends his first text.

Yep. My inital assesment of his approach was on point. His name should be Mr. Red Flag. Not only did he not allow enough time for me to shower, eat, watch Heroes, which I missed anyways because I thought it came on at 9pm and not at 8pm, he came off as being el desperate. Like dude.

He then commits another cardinal sin or...well it should be one. Here's the text:

Mr. Red Flag: What are three things men like about ur personality, and three things men like about you physically"

Really? Really? Well he clearly liked the way my yoga pants fit ever so snuggly and he liked how my t-shirt was just a bit sweaty....

Not only did I not answer his stupid ass question. He's already earned the time-out box award. "Go immediately to the time-out box, do not pass go, do not collect your vodka shots"..... TOOL

Monday, September 28, 2009

Weekend = Wet

Short, sweet & wet = my weekend

Despite the weather being just bit of a damper, I managed to squeeze in a bit of fun. Nothing to jump up and down about and get excited over, but just enough to wet my taste buds. Thursday night, I went to a chill lounge with chick friends. It wasn’t a party like it’s 1999 time, but I loved the vibe and music and people. I can see me hanging there every Thursday night.

My trip to Philly ended up getting cancelled for Saturday. Despite that small blip, I still went to a friends bon voyage party. She pretty much got trashed and I was the sober one...what can I say. Guess I’m “chilling”.

Yesterday was the movies with Jason. It was cool, our typical movie “un-date”. All in all it was pretty low-key (read: ehhh according to my party standards!!!)

There were no Mr. Henry rendezvous, no new guys, although old one’s try to resurface, i.e. texts from Latino Papi Alex and a call from Island Prince John.

Monday, September 21, 2009

“Kink”end In With Mr. Henry & Other News

This weekend was low-key. Aside from going to a fight party. I spent the majority of it with Mr. Henry. Ummmm. What can I say? We spent most of the weekend horizontally, taking pictures (rather, him taking pictures of me) and eating & drinking. It kind of felt good...just to lay around. Oh, and some of our conversations were quite interesting.

1. He asked me if I had sex while I was in the Dominican

2. He brought up the phrases “if we get married”, “when we have kids”,

3. I told him “we are not having kids”

4. We talked about taking a trip.

5. He told me about some more of his other kinky fetishes, then proceeded to show me on the computer

6. He asked me if I loved him

In Other News

I talked to Brian for awhile. He’s thinking of coming here the beginning of October. Our last few conversations have been about traveling either to NO, out of the country or here. Nothing is concrete yet.

The next two trips on my agenda: Philly and Michigan

Before I left for the Dominican, Jason and I went to the movies. Afterwards we got ice cream and walked around downtown arm in arm. It was really cute, sort of date-ish, although, it wasn’t a date. But it felt like one. I thought about whether or not I could see myself dating him, and it’s hard to see past the occasional movie date. He’s a bit of a homebody, and doesn’t seem like he would take the initiative to do anything outside of his comfort zone....and oh yea, he’s younger than me by like three years...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

El Dominican En Español - No Sexo

Perfect. The weather was perfect. The resort was a little on the “rustic” side, but hey, I couldn’t beat the price. Who would imagine that I’d go without central AC for five days! It was actually perfect though. I wouldn’t necessarily go back there because it was a time share, however I want to visit the DR again, with different company.

The chick friend I went with was cool, however she was perfectly fine with staying on the resort, the whole vacay, and well, you know me. I like to venture out, make friends, hang with the locals, see things, go on “adventures”!!! I did end up meeting some other vacationers and going out with them my last night there...that was quite interesting to say the least! We seen quite a few “questionable” transactions go down. I danced, drank, had fun with my new friends, not to mention, I think I got propositioned en español a few times!

All in all it was a relaxing vacay. No wild and crazy dancing on the bar or making out with papi-chulo’s, but still a good vacay. I’m planning my next one right now!

Deseo que mi compañía fuera mejor. Quizá la próxima vez que iré con un individuo. Hablé con dos ciertos someone' s que está interesado en volver conmigo. Quizá desde noviembre. También la clase I de deseo tenía sexo. ¡Oh bien!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I Think He Reads My Blog

I think Mr. Henry reads my blog. Last night he spent the night (btw, he’s still there) and we were fooling around, and he was taking pics of me, yeah I know what I said yesterday. Pictures are different from video footage, it was artistic still photographs! Anyways, he said he wants to format one of them so I can put it on my blog.


I told him a long time ago I have a blog and I blog about him, but now I’m wondering if he reads it. If he does, I think he will somewhat approve, because he’s a freak. Extrovert.

Updates on Vegas coming. I promise.

2 days until the DR!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Fetish Or Just Freaky???

Disclaimer: This post is not for the faint at heart. End Disclaimer

When do fetishes become...uhhh, not fetishes???

Ok, so I know I am posting this a little backwards. P.O.W and I just got back from Vegas, and while we are still piecing the events together, I have something a little more pressing to get off my chest. Mr. Henry came over last night for a little post-vacation fun. Yes, I know. It's been awhile. Honestly, I don't know what to say. Let's just skip that little detail and get to the issue at hand.

Mr. Henry is a freak. A big ole freaky kinky something. I mean the biggest freak I know next to, well....I'll come back to that. While we are doing the horizontal tango, Mr. Henry tells me what he wants.

Mr. Henry: Spit on me


Oh, it wasn't just like spit for greasing the monkey. He wanted me to spit on him everywhere...I mean everywhere. And while I was spitting on him, he wanted me to call him every dirty name in the book. Literally. Like degrading names...oh and he wanted me to slap him. A couple of times he said to slap him harder. Now, I'm not one for punching you in the face during sex-sessions, but...if it turns you on...I guess I'll punch you, I think.

Really though, I was running out of spit, and quite frankly, I was thinking:

"Damn, really you like this? If I knew slapping you brought you such pleasure, there were many of times when I would have slapped the shit out of you for pissing me off. Furthermore, how much spit do you think I have, damn" ---

I digress.

When does a fetish become too freaky to perform? Like there are things I definitely DO NOT WANT you to do to me. Peeing on me, spitting on me and choking me come to mind. I'm all for pleasing, but first it's spitting, next thing you know, you'll want me to help you perform some form of erotic asphyxiation. Uhhh. NO. There comes a time, when lines have to be drawn. Like I don't plan on fulfilling a freaky fantasy if:

1. I could be going to jail for performing a misdemeanor because it got his rocks off

2. If it involves him putting any bodily fluids on me that should be reserved for the porcelain god's.

3. If it involved video cameras, yeah I know I can't run for a high level government position anymore, but still...just in case. I don't want to happen upon my own home video on

4. It involves foreign objects.

I'm sure there are more, but this is all I can think of right now...

In Other News:

3 Days till the DR!!!!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

HELL DATE: Case of the Jolly Green Giant

I'm not the only one who has had O-M-G dates...a date with the Jolly Green Giant, according to P.O.W.

I’m baaack!!

Diva has asked me to write about one my dating experiences before we hit Vegas!!! I’ve decided to tell you the tale of the day I met George Foreman.

I don’t do blind dates. I always thought hook-ups were scary and un-natural. You might end up spending three horrid hours with somebody like Flavor-Flav or ODB (RIP). Nevertheless, I broke my rule one time and I will never do it again.

I have a friend who has a gorgeous husband. Tall and dark like I like them. He has a good career and he is a wonderful father and husband. They have the life I planned for myself. One day I’m over there for a play date with the kids and the “Gorgeous Husband” asked me if I would like to meet his cousin. I asked all the basic questions. Age? Kids? Career? Extra toes? He was Gorgeous Husband’s first cousin so I’m thinking they may have some kind of resemblance, against my better judgment I agreed to the date.

Cousin called me the day before the date. His voice was somewhat hard to read. It could go either way. He seemed nice enough though. We talked about general things. I was cooking at the time and my George Foreman Grill was acting up (remember this for later). We made plans to meet at his favorite restaurant with flair.

I get there first so I can check out the scene in case I need to flee. He told me he would have on a green jacket. I order an Ultimate Long Island to prepare myself for the worst.

In walks this 6’ 3” person in a Boston Celtics outfit from head to toe, looking like the Jolly Green giant. And when I say head to toe I mean head to toe. Hat, jacket, t-shirt, pants, and shoes. Green. I assume this is not my date because he said green jacket so I continue to drink my drink. Boston Celtic sits down and I almost choke.

I want to pre-warn you. I am usually a very nice person and I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m gonna keep real with yall…He was busted. Tore up from the floor up. A mud duck. A beast. He was cock-eyed, his teeth were yellow and his voice was annoying. He kept laughing at his own jokes. He told me I had the best cleavage in the whole city. He asked me did I think his outfit was fresh. Fresh yall, Fresh. Who does that?

I struggle through the dinner trying to be polite as I could be. At the end, he asked me to meet him at his truck. I’m thinking Hell No! You’re not going to hit me over the head and drag me home. I might wake up dressed like you. No way buddy…but against my better judgment, I went.

He pulls out this big bag from Target. In it is a new George Foreman Grill. He tells me he heard me complaining about mine and figured I could use a new one so I could cook his favorite meal. Okay so most people will say this was a sweet gesture but I felt like it was kinda creepy…who does that?


Update Continued: Straight No Chaser

So I know I left you hanging, but well didn't you enjoy my treats? Anyways I have one more in store for you, but let me get this out the way. Straight and to the point. Akeem and my friend exchanged numbers. They were talking most of the night, he was stuck her like white on rice (my mom used to say that...sue me) and I was tipsy and talking to my other friend about it. I honestly don't remember everything I was saying or what I said. I felt some type of way about it though, not jealous or mad...just something. Anywho, at the end of the night, me and him are talking and he asks me why we never hit it off (pause....double pause). I'll leave it at that.

In Other News:

Vegas, Thursday. I so need this like I need a big tall glass of vodka right now. Oh yea, the news broke on twitter first...I talked to Brian last night. Another trip may be on the rise. I won't lie, I miss him like I missed vodka when I went without for 17days... remember that? I was feening for vodka. His birthday is on Monday.

I'm going to the movies with Jason if I don't flake again.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Romantic & Random = A+

I told you guys I had a few treats for you today. Yes the first one was my guest post over at SSSO. If you haven't checked them out, do so. And my second treat is another guest post right here! Today, I introduce you to Tunde from Like A Dream. He is random, but I love it. And apparently he's a romantic too! (I didn't get the memo until late last night). Maybe I should play cupid and start some love connections!

Thanks Diva for allowing me to grace your page with one of my dating experiences.

*** On my blog I write about my dreams or random events that I experience and I rarely blog about my love life. I do this because too many people actually read my blog that know me personally and I’m a little too private for that. When DCDiva asked me to do a guest post I couldn’t turn down the opportunity because I have a myriad of experiences when it comes to dating. ***

While in undergrad I had one consistent girlfriend (Tonya). Our junior year in college my ex wanted us to go this Valentine’s Day ball on campus. I didn’t want to go because I thought that shit was going to be lame I had a surprise in store that I needed to plan for. So I told her the week of Valentine’s Day that I wasn’t going to be able to go and made up some lame excuse. Needless to say she was pissed and called herself not talking to me the entire day of.

Of course her friends were in on my plan. So they told Tonya that they would go with instead to the ball. I know for a fact that during the evening there was a full fledged Tunde male-bashing session. So the whole day I’m running around getting things ready for that night. So after the ball I asked her to come by my house. Of course she was still upset with me till I handed her a 3x5 index card. On in it said: “This is your Valentine’s Day present. Since you didn’t have faith in me you’re going to have to work for it. Now begins the scavenger hunt. First clue: My favorite movie”. I placed her next clue (another card) in the inside of a dvd case of my favorite movie at the time, Se7en. This next clue said: “Man I’m really hungry I should fix myself something to eat.” Her next clue was taped to the inside of the oven door. This went on for about 4 more clues which led her closer and closer to her final destination. She ended up back at her room and found her gifts there (her friends helped me put them there).

Needless to say she felt kind of dumb for bad mouthing me and thinking that I really didn’t have anything planned for Valentine’s Day. Yeah that night I was glad I didn’t have a roommate.

Don't Put A Ring On It!!!

Wow! There is so much going on, I don't know where to begin? I have a few treats for you, plus 2 days till Vegas! Yea!!!

So recently I had the pleasure (I'm getting a lot of pleasure lately....hmmmm) of gracing the page of Single Sister's Speak Out. If you haven't stopped by there, please do so. The ladies and token gent (just kidding Peyso, you rock) talk about everything from relationships to health, and today is not the day to put a ring on it! (according to my post)

Enjoy and thanks sooooo much Jac.


Monday, August 31, 2009

Weekend Update: Wedding Bells The Partial Review

Saturday Night
6 almost 7 glasses of wine
A glass of champagne

DC is getting smaller and smaller. Granted my circle is pretty diverse and I often go to “new” and different events, places and hang out with different people. But I still manage to run into the same people. Case in point. Guess who I ran into on Thursday...Akeem. Ring a bell??? Actually this isn’t my first time running into him, since the infamous “non-date”. I’ve ran into him a few times. Once I didn’t recognize him because he changed his look completely. No, he didn’t do a Michael Jackson, but it was almost akin to an “Extreme Makeover”. I will give it to him though, he looked good pre and post-extreme makeover.

So I ran into him AGAIN this weekend. The only reason, I’m blogging about this run in, is because it was more than a “hi, how are you”. Thursday night we ended up leaving the bar, going to another bar, and I gave him a ride to his humble abode. Upon departure, he gave me a hug, that was a cross between “good to see you and wish you would come up”.

Now Saturday, here's where the shit get's interesting. But before I go into the details of Saturday late night, I have a confession, well not really, cause the news broke on twitter first. I went to a wedding with Mr. Henry. (pause) In my defense, the wedding was of a former client, so I didn't want to go solo. Had it been friends or family, I wouldn't mind. But to sit through a boring wedding and reception without a side-kick, is the equivalent of torture in time-out, in the corner, and by the way the wedding WAS boring.

So going with Mr. Henry made it somewhat bearable. No we aren't falling back into old habits, well atleast I'm trying not to. We talked and caught up, but I would say 64% of the time I zoned out & was in my own world. Can't help it, sometimes he talked about stuff I didn't feel like listening to. I got a text from Akeem during the reception, asking me what I was doing. I told him about my plans to chill because I was at a wedding. So after the reception, I drop Mr. H at the Metro and make my way to what was supposed to be a chill lounge. Some other friends were meeting me there, as well as Akeem.

I get there and it's crowded. Cool but crowded. So my friends make it, and introductions go around. I notice at some point Akeem and one of my friends are sitting EXTREMELY close together, heads bowed in deep conversation...

To Be Continued.... I'm on my second drink and am tired! Yeah, yeah...sue me.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Like Attracts Like

I like controversy, rather articles that make you think? You can agree to disagree, but my political advisor (I like that!) allowed me to write another article on his blog over at I love the fact that he (Kevin) is allowing me to grace his page. Check it out & start the commentary!!


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Witness Comes Forward...

Oh, Diva, Diva, Diva….

How do I love thee, let me count the ways…’ve grown into a beautiful, charming, young woman. Perhaps all those vanilla vodkas have blurred a few memories from the past.

I am one of Diva’s college roommates the one who has lived with her the longest and the one, who has settled down, got married, has the two kids, and lives in suburbia. Yes, yes, I do sound boring now and live vicariously through the trials and tribulations of Mz. Diva but I can still cause trouble if deemed needed. I don’t have a fun acronym like PATT or POW, but my feelings aren’t hurt Beeotch much!

Top 5 things I remember from our past…

5. That southern accent! Goodness, when we met it was mighty T H I C K. We used to make her say “iron” all the time because it sounded like “I-on”. I wonder if she’ll share the story about the difference between “hurry up” and “harry up”. Bwahahahahahaha

4. The nakedness….this girl loves to be naked! Don’t let P.O.W. fool you by saying this girl is naked only after drinks because if this child had it her way she’d be naked before happy hour! In our dorm room there have been plenty of times when I’ve woken up with Diva handing the phone to me stark naked.

3. I’ll preface this by saying… "WE WERE NOT GROUPIES”! We did however know a few players on our schools football and basketball team. There was one incident when we ran into a few football players at the local strip club because we were “dared” to go in and ask for a job. Then there was a brief stalker infatuation with a basketball player, Mr. P. Do you still have his YMCA card?

2. She is a “dirty" LOUD mouth talker !!! You can use your imagination on this one, what you’re thinkin’ is what this woman is sayin’. I’ve actually had to leave the HOUSE once or twice.

1. Our threesome! Ok, not really, but let me say being a Wing-woman is hard! Especially when the guy has stank breath and drinks your beer out of your cup. (I could’ve killed him!!!)

There are plenty of other stories that I do have pictures of...Galveston, TX, men washing your feet and sucking your toes, riding motorcycles, being underage and sneaking into clubs. Don’t tempt me; I’ll scan that picture of you wearing underwear as a bikini!


Friday, August 21, 2009

One Year Anniversary - The Rebuttal

Ok, first let me preface this with “P.O.W. I love you”, but I think you’ve been drinking on the job again! Or maybe you have selective amnesia. In any case, there are good reasons the secrets debauchery you decided to reveal. Case in point, with:

#5. Ummm, I plead the 5th, unless you have pictures of said crime and furthermore I was stressed. The name we shall not mention had me stressed, college life had me stressed, so ok...I consumed like two Boonesfarm's and washed it down with Lord knows what. Why in the hell did you and Breezy let me get on top of my car??? Actually, come to think of it, where were you guys? I don’t recall. In any case that night was pretty fun! And you know what, the roof popped back into place perfectly the next day. So case solved & closed!

Oh but with - #4. I needed some fresh air, so I decided to go outside. And in my defense I was only naked under my blanket. I think you, Chuck & his friend pulled it off as I was clutching it for dear life. But at least I wasn’t the one doing cartwheels down the street naked!

And why, oh why in - #3 Did you bring up the name we shall not mention. The mere thought of him makes me want to puke. I still don’t know why that asshole rented a TV, but he couldn’t go half on food, rent, glad he got the boot and jail time

Yes #2 from what I recall was lots and lots of fun. But I don’t recall breaking my table or destroying the bathroom. Do you have evidence. Nope? Ok, then it didn’t happen!

Oh boy, I didn’t see the kiss in #1 coming. It was kinda like a “goodnight kiss” or a “birthday kiss” in any case he was a gentleman and didn’t push the envelope too much more. And as for the whole two guys in one bed. I blogged about it. Remember???

Yes, I can’t wait for Vegas either! I started mentally packing this morning!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

One Year Anniversary - The Take Over

Introducing P.O.W…..

For those of you that do not know me, I am P.O.W, Diva’s BFF. I want to take this opportunity to thank you, Diva, for being such a caring, giving, loving and understanding BFF. I don’t think I could have made it this far without you.

Anyway, I am taking over Diva’s Blogspot to celebrate her One Year Blogoversary. Yes, can you believe it? It has been one year since Diva first graced us with her witty commentary and horrid dates. This year has been filled with highs, lows, smiles, cries, joys and toolery. We all have our favorite Diva moments, but I’m going to share some moments Diva did not share with you….and Diva you better post them. DO NOT EDIT!!!!!

P.O.W.’s Top Five Most Memorable Diva Moments

5. August 2001, Divaland University, The Case of the Vandalized Car

Diva got extremely inebriated and danced on the roof of her car at a neighborhood block party. The next morning she is screaming and yelling about somebody vandalizing her car. We politely told her "you did it, don't you remember"? To this day, she still doesn’t believe she was the cause of the butt print indent in her roof.

Oh yeah, and I think we made up a drunk song that night!

4. July 2001 Detroit, MI, Happy Birthday to Me!!!

There was a lot of debauchery going on for my 21st birthday. After playing truth or dare, and tons of Bacardi, I can’t find Diva so I go looking for her. She’s on the porch, "buckkid nekkid". Why? I don’t know. You have to ask her that question, but also remember I woke up at 7am looking for the liquor trying to erase the memory of the sins from the night before.

3. October 2001 Divaland University, Three Strikes You’re Out

Diva has an ex-boyfriend whose name we shall not mention. We all have a relationship that we would rather forget, a momentary lapse in judgment. This guy was Diva’s lapse. Diva and I lived in a town house with another roommate, I’ll call her Breezy. “The name we shall not mention” moved in with us (1st strike). He didn’t have a job (2nd strike). He had a big screen TV that he rented from Rent-a-Center (how & why I don't know) we kept in the living room. One day while Diva was at work, Breezy and I were watching TV. TNWSNM came in and turned the channel (3rd strike). He made a big deal about it being HIS television. Breezy politely unplugged the TV and pushed all 52’ inches on to the patio. She told him to see how well he watched his TV on the corner.

I don't remember what happened after that, but this was the same guy Diva & Breezy tried to collect the "reward" money on a month or so later. Rightfully so, I might add!

2. September 2008, Washington D.C. - Sour Sauce

Diva and I went on a double date with Island Prince and his friend Willard. It was a beautiful date with lots of food, liquor, and dancing. Anytime liquor is involved, we either don’t remember or wish we couldn’t remember what happened the next day. This time was no exception.

Somehow, Diva’s bedside table got broke and her bathroom was destroyed *cough islandprince&diva cough*. It must have been an incredible evening because the boys woke up the next day cooking and cleaning!

1. Later, September 2008, NYC - Smooches

Diva spends the evening with Island Prince in New York. That night IP’s brother kisses her. She wakes up with two men in her bed….I’ll let her tell the rest

Love ya Diva!!!! Can't wait for Vegas...


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

36 Hours in Boston, Semi-Date, Convo's With Brian

I'm drinking and blogging. The two don't mix, but I need to give my updates.

Made it back from Boston in one piece. Boston, Boston. I didn't see much of it. More on that tomorrow. What I really want to blog about is my conversation with Brian. Ummm. We talked for a lil over thirty minutes. I called him. We talked about Vegas, things to do there, and how he just brought his ticket to go home that weekend. My trip to Boston, N.O., his birthday, my birthday (he extended an invite to N.O. if I don't do Cancun, said I would like it) his new drinking buddy (the flask), other upcoming things.

(Side Note: I had two margarita's & a homemade vodka, lemon juice & peach schnapps, I hope I don't read this tomorrow & be like WTF: End Side Note)

Here are our e-mail exchanges from last week (uneditied):

E-mail (Diva to Brian)

No e-mail, no call, text, flair messages??? You suck ass, ass munch... How are you?

E-Mail (Brian to Diva)

My bad! How are you?? I did think of texting you to let you know the flask has become my new road buddy. Meaning fillinf her up and making drinks in N.O before I go out. So how was DC when all my Bruhs were there?

Response (Diva to Brian)

I'm cool. I'm going to Boston on Friday. I went out to one of your sponsored events (Bruhs) one night, but for the most part I did other stuff. Went to Z-bar one night...those dudes are aggressive. Someone tried to lick my face...eeewwww I applied for a couple of International gigs. One is a 9-month assignment in Africa, Jamaica, Asia, Mexico or Brazil the other is a 5 week volunteer thing, the thing I told you about! In any case cross your fingers for me!

I think you should name your new flask?

Have you met any cool peeps to hang with?

If you wanna join me & my BFF in Vegas, the offer is still opened. The 3rd-6th of September. Party like a rock star!!! (well atleast I plan on it, you know how I roll)

Response (Brian to Diva)

FUCK I so forgot abt the Vegas trip. I so Could of gone bc I am going home during that time;-( Well party for me. Yes, my Bruhs can be a hand full at times. I hope things work out for you and maybe you will get the Jamaica one ;-) I know how you like that place.

In Other News
I went on a semi-date yesterday. We worked out...literally. A mile & half of jogging, a mile & a half of walking, push-ups & running stairs.

In Other, Other News
Do Not Answer, aka Brooklyn sent me a text apologizing for acting weird. He blamed it on the alcohol. Then he called me three times. I did not answer, nor return the text

Friday, August 14, 2009

Signs of Stalkery Crazy People - Do Not Answer

6 Signs of Crazy ---- (This means you Brooklyn)

1. If he/she calls you four times in one day: Brooklyn called me four times yesterday. The first two times I was out & about & didn’t answer. I called him back to see what he wanted. He was just calling to say “hey” he said & to see if I wanted to meet up because he was in the area. After explaining to him that I was hanging with the chick friends, and then will be out of town, he was like “Oh”. Fast-forward about five hours later. Just as I’m getting home after my semi-bar crawl, he calls. I answer. The conversation. OMG. Words can’t describe it (in a BAD way). I get off the phone with him. He calls me back 3 minutes later. WTF dude?

2. He/She looks you up on Facebook, can’t find you & tells you he/she looked you up: Ok. I heart Google. I will do my research on a guy in a minute if I feel the need to do so. However, I am not going to “admit” “friend” or stalk said guy through social networks.

Brooklyn: I looked you up on FB but couldn’t find you?
Me: (I don’t want to be found idiot) Ummm, I don’t go by my last name.
Brooklyn: I used your e-mail address too
Me: That’s not the e-mail address I use for that account

3. If he/she talks about marriage excessively within the first 10 conversations: Not only did Brooklyn talk about marriage, he used the words “us”, “we”, “kids” in sentences.

Brooklyn: I really want to get married.
Me: (silence is golden)
Brooklyn: Don’t you wanna get married? I can see “us” having our two kids together
Me: (WTF)
Brooklyn: I’m really feeling you, if you like someone what’s the worst that could happen

Pump your breaks little one. I don’t know you. I don’t know your last name. I just channeled my inner psychic capabilities, and you did not appear in my future! Sorry.

4. He/She talks EXCESSIVELY about how much they like you in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd conversation: Red flag. Ok, they could be trying to get into your panties (boxers if you’re a guy) so they think flattery works. Wrong. Yes, I love compliments, but when you get too excessive with it, I start to zone out. Furthermore, that does not work with me. You loose cool points.

Brooklyn: I don’t know what it is, but I’m really feelin' you
Me: Thanks
Brooklyn: No, really. You’re smart, attractive, mysterious. Like I wanna know everything about you.
Me: (Pause, on twitter)
Brooklyn: You’re different from girls I’ve dealt with in the past
Me: (Twitter is addictive)
Brooklyn: I really really like you. You’re gonna be my future wife
Me: (#WDDDA)

5. He/She tries to tell you woe are me stories: Do not, do not talk about how bad you got it, how hard it is for you, nor about ex relationships. I don’t ask, therefore I do not want to hear it. Brooklyn started out good the first couple of times we talked, but then it just went down, down, down hill. He basically committed involuntary suicide.

6. He/She should not ask you to move in with you: Runnnnnnnnnn. Words can’t express it. I don’t know where to begin with this portion of the convo. Needless to say, Brooklyn went from saying we should move in together, to I’ll pay you to sleep on your couch. This is where I had to end the convo.

Me: I do not know you like that
Me: I don’t need a roommate, nor am I looking for one
Me: Deuces

He is forever known as do not answer

Thank God he doesn’t know where I live, what I drive & where I work. Fucking crazy ass.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

TMI Brooklyn...You Want To Marry Me???

His name will be Brooklyn. I know I'm breaking my own rule when it comes to the names, but he is the most "Brooklyn" guy I have ever met. He's the epitome of what Brooklyn stands for, in my opinion. I was going to blog about him yesterday and talk about how he was a cool guy, and we had great conversations, however...Brooklyn is something else. After last night’s convo, I don’t know what to think. He’s still nice, but I wonder if he’s putting it all out there too soon? We are on conversation tres.

He made it very very very clear he wants to get married (pause). He’s only 25. Is it just me? Am I the only one who thinks getting married in your 20’s is too young? Hell in some cases early 30’s. Not to put a time limit on it, but I know I won’t be ready for at least another four to five years (still in my twenties for five more months!!!)

What about you?

Monday, August 10, 2009

He's Wearing Eau de Desperate

Saturday night, while on my around the city club tour, I met this guy "Jim". He was cool at first. Until we chatted for a min. He was laying on the compliments...really thick. Kind of like a layer of peanut butter. Anyways, he asked for my number. I really didn't think nothing of it. Now and days asking for numbers is equivalent to "making sure I still got it". And let's be honest, I'm good at stroking ego's as anyways. Same night about 3:00am, Jim sends me a text.

Jim: What are you doing? I'm hungry, wanna grab breakfast?
Me: No. I'm going to bed. Call me tomorrow

(We know what this call was, right class?)

Fast forward to this morning. Jim sends me a morning text, wanting to know when we can see each other. I say I don't know, call me later. He calls. Short & to the point:

(after 3 seconds of pleasantries)
Jim: I want to see you.
Me: Uhhh, today? I'm busy.
Jim: Today, tomorrow, soon
Me: Well, maybe we can meet for coffee or something at Starbucks after my appointment.
Jim: Oh, I was gonna pick you up & bring you back to my place
Me: No.

I think the name of his cologne is Eau de Desperate.

The Weekend Update: March of the Penguins

Sorry for slacking on the updates, but I’m so used to writing twits in 140 characters or less, writing a blog seems like writing a novel right now! In any case, I had a good weekend (with the exception of yesterday, yesterday was a beast). Here’s the weekend review in no particular order...

7. Well since I fell of the pink sexy wagon on Thursday, I decided to go hard Friday & Saturday.
Friday = 5 glasses of wine, 2 Amstel Lights, 1 shot
Saturday = 4 Red Bull & vodka’s, 1 vanilla Stoli & lime, 1 Rum Runner

6. Friday was mostly chilling with the chick friends. Started off on U, went to NY Ave. Ended up back on U. Started at 6, didn’t get home till 2:30...I’m surprised I made it. Saturday was club hopping. Three clubs+ one night=good times.

5. I still don’t understand why guys continue to wear sunglasses in the clubs. Guess they didn’t get the “you are lame if you wear sunglasses in the club” memo.

4. I’ve been meeting a lot of guys from Brooklyn lately. Three things I noticed. (1) the migration from Brooklyn to DC. I feel like it’s equivalent to the march of the penguins. Like really. I’ve met like 30 guys from Brooklyn this weekend. Ok maybe not 30... (2). They talk a good game (3) Shy is not in their vocabulary. I met this young guy from Brooklyn two weeks ago. I told him he was too young for me. He was a persistent little something. He stroked my ego and was like, “what, you’re only like 23 or 24 right?”...talked my number right out of my hand, and I was sober!

3. I had to twit about this Saturday night. This guy tried to lick my face. Did I miss something. Is licking faces the new “in” thing?

2. This was the week/weekend Brian was supposed to be in town. I deleted his number after the last time I talked to him, so I never called to see if he was still coming. Saturday, I went to one of “our” spots we used to frequent for the first time since his departure. It was kind of weird, because I used to go there with him all the time. I almost expected him to pop up and start his “so you think you can dance” antics.

1. I start my string of vacations...first up Boston, Friday. Can’t wait. Boston get ready!

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Wagon

5 Glasses of Red Wine
1 Shot

That’s how I fell off the wagon after 17 and a half days. Oh well. Now that I’m off. I’m going to happy hour again tonight.

I have something else to tell you. I feel like I’m robbing the cradle. More on that later.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Weekend Update: I Suck

So this post was supposed to happen yesterday but I’m addicted to twitter (follow me), so I did nothing. I suck. The weekend was cool. No dancing on bars since I’m not engaging in my favorite pastime. Day 16 no vodka. I’m really serious about rocking my bikini’s in the DR (this one, this one & this one). Last week I started running. No vodka. No soda. No juice. Just water, club soda or green tea (although I slipped & had cranberry juice when I was clubbing...just a buffer between me and the vodka, that’s all)

Speaking of going out, Friday I was supposed to go out with Latino Papi Alex. I really didn’t feel like it, so I decided to make plans 1) knowing he hadn’t sent flair messages by Friday morning. 2) I know he’s flakey, and 3) he probably has a girlfriend. Yep. He only sends text messages. No calls.

His m.o. is trying to keep the lines of communication open by sending me “Mami, I miss you messages” (probably mass text messages) weekly, then once he gets a response, setting something up to make it seem like he’s so interested. Little does he know, that Sprint has this little online feature. I can now block numbers I don’t want to receive text messages from, yea for Sprint! (I’ll be on there this week entering phone numbers) So anyways, back to Friday.

I made plans with some chick friends. We went bar hoping, then I met another chick friend on U Street, for this waaayyy cool “world beat” party. Everyone from every nationality was there. It was SO amazing. It was like an underground we are the world lets all hug and be friends kind of place. Although it began to feel like you were walking into a hot box after awhile, it was so much fun. I danced so much my dress was soaking wet by the time I made it home. Good times. Oh, and there were some absolutely gorgeous guys there.

Saturday I had to take care of business. Latino Papi Alex sent me text messages. “you forgot mami”. Ummm, no idiot, you forgot. I was extremely tired, but I received an invite to hang on U street again by a couple of different people. I went to one spot. Scoped it out, then decided, to bounce. Ummm, was feeling blah.

Sunday Devin & I hung out for a bit on U Street (noticing a theme here). We had a good time.

This weeks agenda...TBD.

In Other News:

Not to rain on your parade, but I have to be a good Diva & keep you informed. Yesterday I came across this: New HIV Strain Found. Wrap it up people.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

What Exactly Is Dating?

I had the pleasure of writing an article over at Bluestone Blog again! This time I tackled the ever elusive definitions of dating. Be sure to check it out and check out Kevin's pov on the latest in politics & social injustice's.


Friday, July 31, 2009

Tonight & Randomness

Tonight I sort of have a dinner date with Latino Papi Alex. I'm not really in the mood for it. We confirmed on Wednesday, but really, we don't talk and I'm just so tired of the whole "Mami I miss you, I want to see you chula". "You're always so busy Mami"...

In fact, I've been kinda bored with a lot of stuff lately. Maybe it's my self-diagnosed ADD or the 4 year itch, but I'm bored with DC.

Side Note: POW says I never stay in the same place long enough, and my G-ma, says I need to settle down...did I mention she's on Facebook now and requested me as a friend? Signs that Facebook is not the "In" thing anymore. Still need to close my account :End Side Note

I went to a psychic this week (first time ever) and she scared the shit out of me. 1) she was really really aggressive and 2) she seemed to be a little "off" on her predictions....although she did say she sees me in Europe somewhere, maybe Paris... (I did not mention travel to her)

Last night I came across an old e-mail (I save most of my e-mails) I sent to Mr. Henry over two years ago when we were living together. I seen him the other day for about 5 minutes because he's been down and out. I DO NOT miss him.

I got invited to more open bars tonight by some friends. I think I'm going to cave in and get "tipsy" thus far, makes Day 12 no alcohol.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Weekend Update: I Surprised Myself

Wow. Just wow. Today is day 8 of no vodka. I must say, I'm really quite proud of myself. I might reward myself with something vodka. I went out Friday with Devin. First we went to this little jazz spot. We're sitting at the table, and he orders a drink he's quite proud of. He asks me if I want to taste it. I decline, then he nearly forces it down my throat (peer pressure). And you know what? I said fuck NO! Ohhh, but I wanted some. After we left the jazz spot we went and smoked hookah for a few hours. You know what goes well with hookah? Vodka. Yep, you can pair vodka with about anything. So we're sitting there smoking, talking. He's drinking, and I came so close to ordering a glass of red wine, a shot of and wine together, but I didn't. We hung out the whole evening and I did well. I deserve something.

Saturday was even better. I ended up meeting P.A.T.T out, there was an open bar. Free top shelf whatever you wanted. Free. Totally f-r-e-e. I resisted. Damn, I'm good. And I'll be even better in six and a half weeks when I'm looking hot in my two piece on the beach. Speaking of P.A.T.T, the convo between us has improved. It's been strained the last month or so, but it's gotten better. Not like it used to be, but better.

Sunday was relaxing. I talked to Brian. Our first conversation since the "e-mail". We talked for almost half-an hour. Just like nothing ever happened. It was like I took a little vacation, got back, and we picked up right where we left off. Sunday must have that effect on people, because I spoke with Mr. Henry as well. Pretty much our first conversation in a month too.

Tonight's agenda...salsa.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Day 4: No Vodka

8. I’m giving up drinking for ____ days (TBD). Today makes day 4 of no alcohol what-so-ever. It’s hard. Everything involves vodka. Happy hour, bars, clubs, doing laundry, watching a movie, nightcaps. I see vodka everywhere. One of my friends invited me to an open bar, with none other than vodka! Ummm, the only reason I’m temporarily giving up my favorite side-kick is so I can rock my two piece in the DR. The upside is I’ll save money, and hopefully lower my tolerance level to like 4 drinks a night, rather than 7. The downside...I can’t imagine life without my friend.

7. Brian will be here in 3 weeks...before the “e-mail” he asked if he could stay with me that weekend. Ummmm, well we know that’s out the window. What will be weird is running into him, or seeing him. Like we’ve texted and e-mailed since the “e-mail”. All very basic and general stuff though. No phone conversations.

6. I briefly spoke to Mr. Henry...

5. I’m going out tomorrow night with Devin...

4. Mr. Lame-o from Saturday was someone I met awhile ago. He keeps texting me. I’m trying to be nice, but....ehhhh

3. Boston in 3 weeks!

2. Vegas in 6 weeks!

1. The DR in 7 weeks!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

200th Post The Swap: Gross Generalizations I Know

Today is the 200th post here and it's time to shake things up. I want to introduce you to a non PC, single black male dater in the DC area. He's a straight shooter, who blogs about everything from sex to movies, to the do's & maybe nots of fwb relationships. He proves to us, that women aren't the only one's who suffer through horrible, someone please come save me dates. I bring to you, Dr. J of The Book of Jackson.

Gross Generalizations I Know by Dr. J

Decided to do a blog swap this week and let Diva take the reins over at TBJ and I would do something on her blog. It never gets boring, but sometimes we all need a change of pace. So this seemed like a viable solution, anyway I'm glad I was able to stop through and show some love.

I am often accused of being bougie, I still don’t know what that means. Most times it’s used to describe my actions, or my insisting on doing things that are probably unnecessary to them, but are necessary to me. An example would be, I go out to eat a lot, sometimes by myself, I will put my entire evening on hold to have a sit down meal because I do not like to rush when eating. I also think places like Chili’s, Friday’s, Ruby Tuesday’s, etc. should never be the location of any meal that I’m having alone or with the company of a young lady. It’s just so common.

I should have known that Never Again and I were not compatible from the beginning because of the circumstances of which I came to meet her. I met her; 1) At a club, 2) I was drunk, 3) She kept asking me for my statistics, and 4) She was wearing a body suit, maybe cat suit is more appropriate. I decided to take the girl out because I’m not really good with phone conversations, so I suggest a weekday evening, at a small off the strip type place called, Perry’s. BEFORE, we went there, I told her, this is one of my sushi spots and I come here often because I know a lot of the staff and they know exactly what I like. (You see how I gave her a clue that this establishment and me already had an existing relationship?) BEFORE, we went there, against my better judgment I told her a lot about the place and the clientele because I’ve been on a few dates lately where the shorty was just tremendously inappropriately dressed or didn’t know what to expect. So I basically was like, it’s a rooftop jumpoff with a young, hip, typical Adams Morgan crowd. BEFORE, we get there I told her that although I usually am seated as soon as I arrive, I’m making reservations that way there will be no need to wait, and I’m making them for 8PM.

FFWD: At 8:15PM, I send her a text that says, “Did you fall in?” She replies, “LOL, no I’m heading out now. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” (Dique.) To myself, I’m like plus you have to find parking, plus you’ve never been here before and it’s not easy to find. You’ll be here at 9PM. But I’m like, nah chill Doc, you’ve been told a lot lately that you need to chill on your expectations that females be on time. She shows up at 9PM… She has on an Ed Hardy tee shirt, and like a dress that looked like overalls, and a pair of pumps. I thought that perhaps she planned on going to Love afterwards. I’m already on edge, but I’m patient.

During our meal and conversation, here are the highlights;
1) She has no clue or interest about politics. If Obama was not Black she probably wouldn’t know anyone who was running for President.
2) She hates how people act all “bougie” and stuck up when they come to places like the place we were at. (I think by bougie she meant speaking in a low voice because only the people at your table need to hear you.)
3) She kept ordering Crown Royal because she couldn’t figure out any of the other specialty drinks and she didn’t want anyone putting anything in her drink.
4) She insisted that we check out Evolve after because they have tight music and she knows a couple of the guys who promote there. (It’s a weekday and I’m in a shirt and tie. No bueno)

I took away a few things from this encounter. Gross generalizations I know… if you want to be treated with respect, be respectable. She was well mannered and very appreciative for everything, but she just didn’t get it. It’s like she missed the bus and it won’t be back for a long time. (Sidenote, one of my friends insisted that the issue was she was from PG County and not Mont. County where girls with class live.) Be on time, be appropriately dressed, adhere to some social norms, and most of all feel out the temperament of the person you are with before jumping off the deep end. Her biggest weakness in all of this was that she kept telling me I was acting bougie and reserved and she never noticed that maybe that’s how I am, and the rest of the restaurant was too. She stood out so much to the point that the next time I went to Perry’s as soon as I walked in the manager was like, “Who was that you came here with the last time?!”

And you know I started dreading that meal and the fact that I’d have to pay for it at 8:15PM, and she did nothing to pull herself from the hole that she had dug. Leaving that date, I had no interest in pursuing anything else with her. What I will tell you is that, I could write a book on the amount of bad dates I’ve had exactly like this one. And lastly, the problems expressed in this post, are recurring problems with several of the dates. This should be a topic for the next, For Sisters Only concert at the Convention Center.

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Weekend Update: Sexpectations...

After 6 weeks of not having any sexual stimulation (besides my weekly visits to pornhub) I had (safe) sex on Saturday. Let me re-phrase that, I had safe wack sex on Saturday. It was so wack I was mad. It was so wack, I contemplated all of the things I could have done. It was so über wack, after I kicked him out, I was up pondering what it is I want (from the male homo-sapien species). I always come back to the same conclusion. I want Great (AMAZING) monogamous safe sex, with someone who is hot, with occasional exchanges of witty banter and some chemistry, without the emotional attachment (right now), oh and to go out occasionally and that’s it. It’s possible. I’ve done it before. I recall some amazing times in college, and a few not too long ago. I don’t think I’m asking for too much (ok, maybe a little, but still). I just can’t do the emotional thing right now. I really can’t.

Yes, I know, it’s a slippery slippery slope, but there are things not related to dating, that I need to work on, and if I add developing a ball & chain relationship to the stack, well it just doesn’t sound appealing nor does it work in my favor. See I have a list of things I want to do, and I can’t really do these things AND develop something special and exciting with a potential...but am I supposed to suffer sexually, for wanting to work on my life??? Like isn’t it enough I hate my part-time job (yes, I know, I only have to suffer 25 hours a week, but they are the longest 25 hours ever). Isn’t it enough I’m trying to work on my business endeavors, apply to grad school, work on myself, and figure out how to take off for a year and travel...

Lack of good sex + lack of job satisfaction+ saving + working on business and career goals+balancing a social life+ trying to apply to grad school + working on me = MADNESS

No sex??? That’s like punishment on top of punishment.

Side Note: I did the celibate thing on and off (the longest 13 months), and the quantitative results are still the same, sexually frustrated(End Side Note).

So I need something else to look forward to besides my upcoming trips and scheduled fun (the countdown begins). Lack of sex, un-happy with job, still trying to figure out direction of businesses, and career....well that just sounds like semi-hell, and I don’t wanna participate anymore (besides great sex is a good stress reliever). This form of punishment reminds me of the days my mom would ban me from the TV and phone. Isn’t it enough that you already banned me from the TV, and now you want to take my only way of communicating with the outside world away??? Yes, although I always found ways around it (light up phones worked well in the dark once you turned the ringer off), but still, it was a psychological punishment that worked, ok I digress...

Back to this sexual “relationship”... it’s a bit of a conundrum. I guess I’ll head to the toy store until I can find a suitable solution...

In Other News:
The other days that made up my weekend weren’t soooo bad. Thursday...I can’t remember, I’m sure it involved vodka. Friday involved wine & vodka, a cool lounge in Adams Morgan & meeting three guys. Two of the three were cool. Let’s skip the details on Saturday’s debauchery...and Sunday was business stuff. Devin and I were going to meet up, but we didn’t. Oh, Brian & I exchanged a few text messages and an e-mail...

I need a vacation...I can’t wait for my first trip...Boston get ready!