I don't know where to begin...in no particular order
5. Text Messages with the BFF:
Me: I was so horny last night. I couldn't fall asleep. I don't see how you went a whole year. I'm barely through month 3
POW: LOL. It was Hard the first couple of months. That's why I had B.O.B
Later, the same day...
Me: Ewwww. The police officer is a horn dog. He was trying to j.o. to my voice
POW: Ewww. Most cops are
4. Police-Officer Back story: So the officer I met Sunday night, called me Sunday & yesterday. We talked yesterday for a little bit. He kept telling me how sexy he thought my voice was and that it was causing him to be bad...next thing I know he's grunting like a dog in heat and is making noises, and is telling me he's being bad. I told him bye, and hung up mid-grunt.
He called me tonight....I pushed ignore call...
3. Mr. H and I are embarking on a 9-hr road trip on Friday. To be continued...
2. I talked to Kiddie-care daycare tonight, we have a tentative date set-up again
1. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'm curious about the little young thing's stamina and energy (Jubi has me convinced by her previous comment) but I think, I pretty much made up my mind that he's doable, and I'd do him. It's up to him to mess it up.
Most women know whether or not we'd do a guy anyways. The guys usually mess it up, either through talking or stupid actions that has us clutching our panties tightly. Oh and they get moved to the category, of "never-mind", what was I thinking... "I wouldn't do him with a 10-foot pole".
Showing posts with label Tools. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tools. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Text Messages
I received the following text message today....
"Hi, this is "Derrick". The reason why I text you was to find out how you are doing. Also not trying to get into you business but how is your relationship going with your boyfriend"
Background:
I met Derrick last year when I went with Brian to Miami. In my defense, I was under the influence of alcohol. "Derrick" would send me text messages pretty much daily, even if I didn't respond.
Sometime in April or May, I told him I had a boyfriend....
In Other News:
Yes, I'm aware. I've been M.I.A.
"Hi, this is "Derrick". The reason why I text you was to find out how you are doing. Also not trying to get into you business but how is your relationship going with your boyfriend"
Background:
I met Derrick last year when I went with Brian to Miami. In my defense, I was under the influence of alcohol. "Derrick" would send me text messages pretty much daily, even if I didn't respond.
Sometime in April or May, I told him I had a boyfriend....
In Other News:
Yes, I'm aware. I've been M.I.A.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
My Yoga Pants Must Be Sexy
This is like the fourth, fifth, sixth time I've been accosted either on my way to my Pilates class, or leaving my Pilates class. Tonight, while I was in my happy place, this guy approached me. First, I'm all sweaty, looking like I just finished a marathon and ten-hour romp session, walking home, yoga mat in hand, still being "centered" and guy (to be named later) stops me, not in a good way. Second, he tries to relate to me and tells me that he takes yoga, and proceeds to name all of the classes he's taken.
Ok, dude. I don't care. I'm hungry, sweaty, and I was in my happy place. See, the thing is, I felt like he wasstalking following me, because he came from out of nowhere, and just kind of rolled up on me like he was the FBI.
So he asks to call. (Side Note: I was feeling all of the red flags beginning to slowly rise :End Side Note)
Thirty minutes later he sends his first text.
Yep. My inital assesment of his approach was on point. His name should be Mr. Red Flag. Not only did he not allow enough time for me to shower, eat, watch Heroes, which I missed anyways because I thought it came on at 9pm and not at 8pm, he came off as being el desperate. Like dude.
He then commits another cardinal sin or...well it should be one. Here's the text:
Mr. Red Flag: What are three things men like about ur personality, and three things men like about you physically"
Really? Really? Well he clearly liked the way my yoga pants fit ever so snuggly and he liked how my t-shirt was just a bit sweaty....
Not only did I not answer his stupid ass question. He's already earned the time-out box award. "Go immediately to the time-out box, do not pass go, do not collect your vodka shots"..... TOOL
Ok, dude. I don't care. I'm hungry, sweaty, and I was in my happy place. See, the thing is, I felt like he was
So he asks to call. (Side Note: I was feeling all of the red flags beginning to slowly rise :End Side Note)
Thirty minutes later he sends his first text.
Yep. My inital assesment of his approach was on point. His name should be Mr. Red Flag. Not only did he not allow enough time for me to shower, eat, watch Heroes, which I missed anyways because I thought it came on at 9pm and not at 8pm, he came off as being el desperate. Like dude.
He then commits another cardinal sin or...well it should be one. Here's the text:
Mr. Red Flag: What are three things men like about ur personality, and three things men like about you physically"
Really? Really? Well he clearly liked the way my yoga pants fit ever so snuggly and he liked how my t-shirt was just a bit sweaty....
Not only did I not answer his stupid ass question. He's already earned the time-out box award. "Go immediately to the time-out box, do not pass go, do not collect your vodka shots"..... TOOL
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
HELL DATE: Case of the Jolly Green Giant
I'm not the only one who has had O-M-G dates...a date with the Jolly Green Giant, according to P.O.W.
I’m baaack!!
Diva has asked me to write about one my dating experiences before we hit Vegas!!! I’ve decided to tell you the tale of the day I met George Foreman.
I don’t do blind dates. I always thought hook-ups were scary and un-natural. You might end up spending three horrid hours with somebody like Flavor-Flav or ODB (RIP). Nevertheless, I broke my rule one time and I will never do it again.
I have a friend who has a gorgeous husband. Tall and dark like I like them. He has a good career and he is a wonderful father and husband. They have the life I planned for myself. One day I’m over there for a play date with the kids and the “Gorgeous Husband” asked me if I would like to meet his cousin. I asked all the basic questions. Age? Kids? Career? Extra toes? He was Gorgeous Husband’s first cousin so I’m thinking they may have some kind of resemblance, against my better judgment I agreed to the date.
Cousin called me the day before the date. His voice was somewhat hard to read. It could go either way. He seemed nice enough though. We talked about general things. I was cooking at the time and my George Foreman Grill was acting up (remember this for later). We made plans to meet at his favorite restaurant with flair.
I get there first so I can check out the scene in case I need to flee. He told me he would have on a green jacket. I order an Ultimate Long Island to prepare myself for the worst.
In walks this 6’ 3” person in a Boston Celtics outfit from head to toe, looking like the Jolly Green giant. And when I say head to toe I mean head to toe. Hat, jacket, t-shirt, pants, and shoes. Green. I assume this is not my date because he said green jacket so I continue to drink my drink. Boston Celtic sits down and I almost choke.
I want to pre-warn you. I am usually a very nice person and I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m gonna keep real with yall…He was busted. Tore up from the floor up. A mud duck. A beast. He was cock-eyed, his teeth were yellow and his voice was annoying. He kept laughing at his own jokes. He told me I had the best cleavage in the whole city. He asked me did I think his outfit was fresh. Fresh yall, Fresh. Who does that?
I struggle through the dinner trying to be polite as I could be. At the end, he asked me to meet him at his truck. I’m thinking Hell No! You’re not going to hit me over the head and drag me home. I might wake up dressed like you. No way buddy…but against my better judgment, I went.
He pulls out this big bag from Target. In it is a new George Foreman Grill. He tells me he heard me complaining about mine and figured I could use a new one so I could cook his favorite meal. Okay so most people will say this was a sweet gesture but I felt like it was kinda creepy…who does that?
P.O.W.
I’m baaack!!
Diva has asked me to write about one my dating experiences before we hit Vegas!!! I’ve decided to tell you the tale of the day I met George Foreman.
I don’t do blind dates. I always thought hook-ups were scary and un-natural. You might end up spending three horrid hours with somebody like Flavor-Flav or ODB (RIP). Nevertheless, I broke my rule one time and I will never do it again.
I have a friend who has a gorgeous husband. Tall and dark like I like them. He has a good career and he is a wonderful father and husband. They have the life I planned for myself. One day I’m over there for a play date with the kids and the “Gorgeous Husband” asked me if I would like to meet his cousin. I asked all the basic questions. Age? Kids? Career? Extra toes? He was Gorgeous Husband’s first cousin so I’m thinking they may have some kind of resemblance, against my better judgment I agreed to the date.
Cousin called me the day before the date. His voice was somewhat hard to read. It could go either way. He seemed nice enough though. We talked about general things. I was cooking at the time and my George Foreman Grill was acting up (remember this for later). We made plans to meet at his favorite restaurant with flair.
I get there first so I can check out the scene in case I need to flee. He told me he would have on a green jacket. I order an Ultimate Long Island to prepare myself for the worst.
In walks this 6’ 3” person in a Boston Celtics outfit from head to toe, looking like the Jolly Green giant. And when I say head to toe I mean head to toe. Hat, jacket, t-shirt, pants, and shoes. Green. I assume this is not my date because he said green jacket so I continue to drink my drink. Boston Celtic sits down and I almost choke.
I want to pre-warn you. I am usually a very nice person and I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m gonna keep real with yall…He was busted. Tore up from the floor up. A mud duck. A beast. He was cock-eyed, his teeth were yellow and his voice was annoying. He kept laughing at his own jokes. He told me I had the best cleavage in the whole city. He asked me did I think his outfit was fresh. Fresh yall, Fresh. Who does that?
I struggle through the dinner trying to be polite as I could be. At the end, he asked me to meet him at his truck. I’m thinking Hell No! You’re not going to hit me over the head and drag me home. I might wake up dressed like you. No way buddy…but against my better judgment, I went.
He pulls out this big bag from Target. In it is a new George Foreman Grill. He tells me he heard me complaining about mine and figured I could use a new one so I could cook his favorite meal. Okay so most people will say this was a sweet gesture but I felt like it was kinda creepy…who does that?
P.O.W.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
36 Hours in Boston, Semi-Date, Convo's With Brian
I'm drinking and blogging. The two don't mix, but I need to give my updates.
Made it back from Boston in one piece. Boston, Boston. I didn't see much of it. More on that tomorrow. What I really want to blog about is my conversation with Brian. Ummm. We talked for a lil over thirty minutes. I called him. We talked about Vegas, things to do there, and how he just brought his ticket to go home that weekend. My trip to Boston, N.O., his birthday, my birthday (he extended an invite to N.O. if I don't do Cancun, said I would like it) his new drinking buddy (the flask), other upcoming things.
(Side Note: I had two margarita's & a homemade vodka, lemon juice & peach schnapps, I hope I don't read this tomorrow & be like WTF: End Side Note)
Here are our e-mail exchanges from last week (uneditied):
E-mail (Diva to Brian)
No e-mail, no call, text, flair messages??? You suck ass, ass munch... How are you?
E-Mail (Brian to Diva)
My bad! How are you?? I did think of texting you to let you know the flask has become my new road buddy. Meaning fillinf her up and making drinks in N.O before I go out. So how was DC when all my Bruhs were there?
Response (Diva to Brian)
I'm cool. I'm going to Boston on Friday. I went out to one of your sponsored events (Bruhs) one night, but for the most part I did other stuff. Went to Z-bar one night...those dudes are aggressive. Someone tried to lick my face...eeewwww I applied for a couple of International gigs. One is a 9-month assignment in Africa, Jamaica, Asia, Mexico or Brazil the other is a 5 week volunteer thing, the thing I told you about! In any case cross your fingers for me!
I think you should name your new flask?
Have you met any cool peeps to hang with?
If you wanna join me & my BFF in Vegas, the offer is still opened. The 3rd-6th of September. Party like a rock star!!! (well atleast I plan on it, you know how I roll)
Response (Brian to Diva)
FUCK I so forgot abt the Vegas trip. I so Could of gone bc I am going home during that time;-( Well party for me. Yes, my Bruhs can be a hand full at times. I hope things work out for you and maybe you will get the Jamaica one ;-) I know how you like that place.
In Other News
I went on a semi-date yesterday. We worked out...literally. A mile & half of jogging, a mile & a half of walking, push-ups & running stairs.
In Other, Other News
Do Not Answer, aka Brooklyn sent me a text apologizing for acting weird. He blamed it on the alcohol. Then he called me three times. I did not answer, nor return the text
Made it back from Boston in one piece. Boston, Boston. I didn't see much of it. More on that tomorrow. What I really want to blog about is my conversation with Brian. Ummm. We talked for a lil over thirty minutes. I called him. We talked about Vegas, things to do there, and how he just brought his ticket to go home that weekend. My trip to Boston, N.O., his birthday, my birthday (he extended an invite to N.O. if I don't do Cancun, said I would like it) his new drinking buddy (the flask), other upcoming things.
(Side Note: I had two margarita's & a homemade vodka, lemon juice & peach schnapps, I hope I don't read this tomorrow & be like WTF: End Side Note)
Here are our e-mail exchanges from last week (uneditied):
E-mail (Diva to Brian)
No e-mail, no call, text, flair messages??? You suck ass, ass munch... How are you?
E-Mail (Brian to Diva)
My bad! How are you?? I did think of texting you to let you know the flask has become my new road buddy. Meaning fillinf her up and making drinks in N.O before I go out. So how was DC when all my Bruhs were there?
Response (Diva to Brian)
I'm cool. I'm going to Boston on Friday. I went out to one of your sponsored events (Bruhs) one night, but for the most part I did other stuff. Went to Z-bar one night...those dudes are aggressive. Someone tried to lick my face...eeewwww I applied for a couple of International gigs. One is a 9-month assignment in Africa, Jamaica, Asia, Mexico or Brazil the other is a 5 week volunteer thing, the thing I told you about! In any case cross your fingers for me!
I think you should name your new flask?
Have you met any cool peeps to hang with?
If you wanna join me & my BFF in Vegas, the offer is still opened. The 3rd-6th of September. Party like a rock star!!! (well atleast I plan on it, you know how I roll)
Response (Brian to Diva)
FUCK I so forgot abt the Vegas trip. I so Could of gone bc I am going home during that time;-( Well party for me. Yes, my Bruhs can be a hand full at times. I hope things work out for you and maybe you will get the Jamaica one ;-) I know how you like that place.
In Other News
I went on a semi-date yesterday. We worked out...literally. A mile & half of jogging, a mile & a half of walking, push-ups & running stairs.
In Other, Other News
Do Not Answer, aka Brooklyn sent me a text apologizing for acting weird. He blamed it on the alcohol. Then he called me three times. I did not answer, nor return the text
Friday, August 14, 2009
Signs of Stalkery Crazy People - Do Not Answer
6 Signs of Crazy ---- (This means you Brooklyn)
1. If he/she calls you four times in one day: Brooklyn called me four times yesterday. The first two times I was out & about & didn’t answer. I called him back to see what he wanted. He was just calling to say “hey” he said & to see if I wanted to meet up because he was in the area. After explaining to him that I was hanging with the chick friends, and then will be out of town, he was like “Oh”. Fast-forward about five hours later. Just as I’m getting home after my semi-bar crawl, he calls. I answer. The conversation. OMG. Words can’t describe it (in a BAD way). I get off the phone with him. He calls me back 3 minutes later. WTF dude?
2. He/She looks you up on Facebook, can’t find you & tells you he/she looked you up: Ok. I heart Google. I will do my research on a guy in a minute if I feel the need to do so. However, I am not going to “admit” “friend” or stalk said guy through social networks.
Brooklyn: I looked you up on FB but couldn’t find you?
Me: (I don’t want to be found idiot) Ummm, I don’t go by my last name.
Brooklyn: I used your e-mail address too
Me: That’s not the e-mail address I use for that account
3. If he/she talks about marriage excessively within the first 10 conversations: Not only did Brooklyn talk about marriage, he used the words “us”, “we”, “kids” in sentences.
Brooklyn: I really want to get married.
Me: (silence is golden)
Brooklyn: Don’t you wanna get married? I can see “us” having our two kids together
Me: (WTF)
Brooklyn: I’m really feeling you, if you like someone what’s the worst that could happen
Pump your breaks little one. I don’t know you. I don’t know your last name. I just channeled my inner psychic capabilities, and you did not appear in my future! Sorry.
4. He/She talks EXCESSIVELY about how much they like you in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd conversation: Red flag. Ok, they could be trying to get into your panties (boxers if you’re a guy) so they think flattery works. Wrong. Yes, I love compliments, but when you get too excessive with it, I start to zone out. Furthermore, that does not work with me. You loose cool points.
Brooklyn: I don’t know what it is, but I’m really feelin' you
Me: Thanks
Brooklyn: No, really. You’re smart, attractive, mysterious. Like I wanna know everything about you.
Me: (Pause, on twitter)
Brooklyn: You’re different from girls I’ve dealt with in the past
Me: (Twitter is addictive)
Brooklyn: I really really like you. You’re gonna be my future wife
Me: (#WDDDA)
5. He/She tries to tell you woe are me stories: Do not, do not talk about how bad you got it, how hard it is for you, nor about ex relationships. I don’t ask, therefore I do not want to hear it. Brooklyn started out good the first couple of times we talked, but then it just went down, down, down hill. He basically committed involuntary suicide.
6. He/She should not ask you to move in with you: Runnnnnnnnnn. Words can’t express it. I don’t know where to begin with this portion of the convo. Needless to say, Brooklyn went from saying we should move in together, to I’ll pay you to sleep on your couch. This is where I had to end the convo.
Me: I do not know you like that
Me: I don’t need a roommate, nor am I looking for one
Me: Deuces
He is forever known as do not answer
Thank God he doesn’t know where I live, what I drive & where I work. Fucking crazy ass.
1. If he/she calls you four times in one day: Brooklyn called me four times yesterday. The first two times I was out & about & didn’t answer. I called him back to see what he wanted. He was just calling to say “hey” he said & to see if I wanted to meet up because he was in the area. After explaining to him that I was hanging with the chick friends, and then will be out of town, he was like “Oh”. Fast-forward about five hours later. Just as I’m getting home after my semi-bar crawl, he calls. I answer. The conversation. OMG. Words can’t describe it (in a BAD way). I get off the phone with him. He calls me back 3 minutes later. WTF dude?
2. He/She looks you up on Facebook, can’t find you & tells you he/she looked you up: Ok. I heart Google. I will do my research on a guy in a minute if I feel the need to do so. However, I am not going to “admit” “friend” or stalk said guy through social networks.
Brooklyn: I looked you up on FB but couldn’t find you?
Me: (I don’t want to be found idiot) Ummm, I don’t go by my last name.
Brooklyn: I used your e-mail address too
Me: That’s not the e-mail address I use for that account
3. If he/she talks about marriage excessively within the first 10 conversations: Not only did Brooklyn talk about marriage, he used the words “us”, “we”, “kids” in sentences.
Brooklyn: I really want to get married.
Me: (silence is golden)
Brooklyn: Don’t you wanna get married? I can see “us” having our two kids together
Me: (WTF)
Brooklyn: I’m really feeling you, if you like someone what’s the worst that could happen
Pump your breaks little one. I don’t know you. I don’t know your last name. I just channeled my inner psychic capabilities, and you did not appear in my future! Sorry.
4. He/She talks EXCESSIVELY about how much they like you in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd conversation: Red flag. Ok, they could be trying to get into your panties (boxers if you’re a guy) so they think flattery works. Wrong. Yes, I love compliments, but when you get too excessive with it, I start to zone out. Furthermore, that does not work with me. You loose cool points.
Brooklyn: I don’t know what it is, but I’m really feelin' you
Me: Thanks
Brooklyn: No, really. You’re smart, attractive, mysterious. Like I wanna know everything about you.
Me: (Pause, on twitter)
Brooklyn: You’re different from girls I’ve dealt with in the past
Me: (Twitter is addictive)
Brooklyn: I really really like you. You’re gonna be my future wife
Me: (#WDDDA)
5. He/She tries to tell you woe are me stories: Do not, do not talk about how bad you got it, how hard it is for you, nor about ex relationships. I don’t ask, therefore I do not want to hear it. Brooklyn started out good the first couple of times we talked, but then it just went down, down, down hill. He basically committed involuntary suicide.
6. He/She should not ask you to move in with you: Runnnnnnnnnn. Words can’t express it. I don’t know where to begin with this portion of the convo. Needless to say, Brooklyn went from saying we should move in together, to I’ll pay you to sleep on your couch. This is where I had to end the convo.
Me: I do not know you like that
Me: I don’t need a roommate, nor am I looking for one
Me: Deuces
He is forever known as do not answer
Thank God he doesn’t know where I live, what I drive & where I work. Fucking crazy ass.
Monday, August 10, 2009
He's Wearing Eau de Desperate
Saturday night, while on my around the city club tour, I met this guy "Jim". He was cool at first. Until we chatted for a min. He was laying on the compliments...really thick. Kind of like a layer of peanut butter. Anyways, he asked for my number. I really didn't think nothing of it. Now and days asking for numbers is equivalent to "making sure I still got it". And let's be honest, I'm good at stroking ego's as well....so anyways. Same night about 3:00am, Jim sends me a text.
Jim: What are you doing? I'm hungry, wanna grab breakfast?
Me: No. I'm going to bed. Call me tomorrow
(We know what this call was, right class?)
Fast forward to this morning. Jim sends me a morning text, wanting to know when we can see each other. I say I don't know, call me later. He calls. Short & to the point:
(after 3 seconds of pleasantries)
Jim: I want to see you.
Me: Uhhh, today? I'm busy.
Jim: Today, tomorrow, soon
Me: Well, maybe we can meet for coffee or something at Starbucks after my appointment.
Jim: Oh, I was gonna pick you up & bring you back to my place
Me: No.
I think the name of his cologne is Eau de Desperate.
Jim: What are you doing? I'm hungry, wanna grab breakfast?
Me: No. I'm going to bed. Call me tomorrow
(We know what this call was, right class?)
Fast forward to this morning. Jim sends me a morning text, wanting to know when we can see each other. I say I don't know, call me later. He calls. Short & to the point:
(after 3 seconds of pleasantries)
Jim: I want to see you.
Me: Uhhh, today? I'm busy.
Jim: Today, tomorrow, soon
Me: Well, maybe we can meet for coffee or something at Starbucks after my appointment.
Jim: Oh, I was gonna pick you up & bring you back to my place
Me: No.
I think the name of his cologne is Eau de Desperate.
Monday, May 18, 2009
My Random Week & Weekend In Review
In no particular order...
10. Mr. Henry spent the night last night.
9. Home was good but as soon as I got back, I hung with Brian.
8. I don’t think high-school relationships count, but my ex "Carlos" from h.s. (Mr. Good on Paper) sent me a text saying I was in his thoughts, etc. out the blue. It was so random, I thought something was wrong. Called him back to make sure he was ok.
7. The next day his girlfriend texts me and tells me to stop calling “her man”. a) do not bring the drama, b) take that up with him, c) what kind of insecure woman calls another woman...that’s just stupid and sooo very high-school. I called him and told him I didn’t appreciate her calling me and he needs to “check her”. He didn’t. They called me the next day...ugghh kids.
6. Tony called me, citing he hasn’t heard from me, and to “keep in touch more often”.
5. Mr. Henry and I had a long talk about “us”
4. Have you ever thought about someone else, while horizontal dancing”
3. I got Brian’s going away gift...the flask.
2. The tools are relentless. I also received other random texts from Chris and Latino Papi Alex
1. When the ex asked me if I was seeing anyone, I told him about Brian...I don’t understand how he says he still has feelings for me, and we haven’t dated since high-school, never had sex, and haven’t seen each other in like 5 years. My enquiring mind wants to know...
10. Mr. Henry spent the night last night.
9. Home was good but as soon as I got back, I hung with Brian.
8. I don’t think high-school relationships count, but my ex "Carlos" from h.s. (Mr. Good on Paper) sent me a text saying I was in his thoughts, etc. out the blue. It was so random, I thought something was wrong. Called him back to make sure he was ok.
7. The next day his girlfriend texts me and tells me to stop calling “her man”. a) do not bring the drama, b) take that up with him, c) what kind of insecure woman calls another woman...that’s just stupid and sooo very high-school. I called him and told him I didn’t appreciate her calling me and he needs to “check her”. He didn’t. They called me the next day...ugghh kids.
6. Tony called me, citing he hasn’t heard from me, and to “keep in touch more often”.
5. Mr. Henry and I had a long talk about “us”
4. Have you ever thought about someone else, while horizontal dancing”
3. I got Brian’s going away gift...the flask.
2. The tools are relentless. I also received other random texts from Chris and Latino Papi Alex
1. When the ex asked me if I was seeing anyone, I told him about Brian...I don’t understand how he says he still has feelings for me, and we haven’t dated since high-school, never had sex, and haven’t seen each other in like 5 years. My enquiring mind wants to know...
Monday, May 11, 2009
Hookah, Jello Shots & NY
As you know, my weekends start on Thursday, and what’s a weekend without Brian??? Thursday night, Brian, myself & one of his college friends hung out like the apocalypse was coming. We started off at a Hookah bar, the next thing you know, we stumbled upon Karaoke, then some dive-ish looking place that was playing hip hop. Brian & I ended up hanging till almost 3am. I was hurting the next day, seeing as how I had to be up & out the house by 6am...and all he had to was catch a flight. I won’t let him talk me into staying out that late anymore on a work night. I was so tired and out-of it on Friday I stayed in.
Saturday, I made my way to NY. When I thought about it, I hadn’t been to NY since Island Prince was here back in September! P.A.T.T. and I had a blast. Bar hopping by NYU, feeding jello shots to unsuspecting guys at the bar, dancing to Prince at the Groove, and jumping up and down like some college girls to some unknown rock cover band, to music we didn’t know the words to (and probably never heard of), and walking in the door at 4am! Good times.
Last night, when I got back I was supposed to hang out with Jason. He ended up canceling which I was ok with, since I was still recovering. We are going to the movies today. It’s not a date, but it will be our first time hanging out since we went to Happy Hour. I’ll let you know how it goes.
In Other News:
Thursday night, Mr. Henry tried to get me to come over his house. We exchanged tons of sext (risqué texts) messages, only for me to turn him down. I know, somewhat of a tease right? Earlier Thursday, I seen him after work, and a few hours later, he called me, to tell me how deliciously nice, he thought I looked. I’ve been turning him down since early March, and he’s still trying...hmmm.
The Tools haven’t let-up. In total last week, between the two of them, I received thirty-something text messages, and I don’t remember how many calls....it’s always the one’s you wouldn’t touch with a 10foot pole....ugh. So annoying.
Saturday, I made my way to NY. When I thought about it, I hadn’t been to NY since Island Prince was here back in September! P.A.T.T. and I had a blast. Bar hopping by NYU, feeding jello shots to unsuspecting guys at the bar, dancing to Prince at the Groove, and jumping up and down like some college girls to some unknown rock cover band, to music we didn’t know the words to (and probably never heard of), and walking in the door at 4am! Good times.
Last night, when I got back I was supposed to hang out with Jason. He ended up canceling which I was ok with, since I was still recovering. We are going to the movies today. It’s not a date, but it will be our first time hanging out since we went to Happy Hour. I’ll let you know how it goes.
In Other News:
Thursday night, Mr. Henry tried to get me to come over his house. We exchanged tons of sext (risqué texts) messages, only for me to turn him down. I know, somewhat of a tease right? Earlier Thursday, I seen him after work, and a few hours later, he called me, to tell me how deliciously nice, he thought I looked. I’ve been turning him down since early March, and he’s still trying...hmmm.
The Tools haven’t let-up. In total last week, between the two of them, I received thirty-something text messages, and I don’t remember how many calls....it’s always the one’s you wouldn’t touch with a 10foot pole....ugh. So annoying.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Mission Aborted
So Operation Replace Brian has been aborted. I can’t replace him. I can only get someone who is similar, maybe better (or worse), but not him. Last night we attempted to go out and just ended up at a pool hall. We chilled, drank, the normal...then it really hit me...he’s leaving. End of story. Period. Adios. Sayonara. Goodbye. He’ll be gone the next three weekends, then when he gets back, I will have just a few weeks before the plug is pulled. So to occupy the time, he somehow managed to have in my already busy schedule, I’m traveling more. New York this weekend, home the following weekend, Vegas & the Dominican this summer, and if I can squeeze another trip in to Jamaica...all the better. Maybe even a trip to see him...
In Other News:
Tool 1 & Tool 2 keep calling/texting me.
Tool 1 (James) sent a text: Hey, I haven’t heard from you since our date. How are you.
Me: Good. Busy. It’s just bad timing. Sorry
Tool 2 (JB) leaves me 5 minute messages, and sends me at the minimum three text a day. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, one at night, and a few random ones for the hell of it.
I’m thinking about just getting a new number altogether. It always seems someone calls/text from out the blue, that I don’t wanna talk to. Latino Papi Alex still sends me text messages from time to time. Tony text me last week, as well as the Old Man. POW kindly reminded me that I’ve had my number for almost 6 years...yeah, I think it’s time for a new number, although I have become quite attached to it!
In Other News:
Tool 1 & Tool 2 keep calling/texting me.
Tool 1 (James) sent a text: Hey, I haven’t heard from you since our date. How are you.
Me: Good. Busy. It’s just bad timing. Sorry
Tool 2 (JB) leaves me 5 minute messages, and sends me at the minimum three text a day. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, one at night, and a few random ones for the hell of it.
I’m thinking about just getting a new number altogether. It always seems someone calls/text from out the blue, that I don’t wanna talk to. Latino Papi Alex still sends me text messages from time to time. Tony text me last week, as well as the Old Man. POW kindly reminded me that I’ve had my number for almost 6 years...yeah, I think it’s time for a new number, although I have become quite attached to it!
Monday, May 4, 2009
I Sure Know How To Pick ‘Em
Help! I've fallen, and I'm in Tool Hell! I mean really. My radar has been off for the last few months. (I have Brian to thank for that) Anyways, this weekend was a pretty low-key weekend, with the exception of the date from hell last night. Despite my sixth sense, common sense & gut feeling, I decided to give JB a chance, just for Tunde (you owe me one!!!). After many back & forth's and blah, blah, blah's we settled on seeing the new X-Men movie, my choice. See I figured since his conversational skills were horrid, that a movie would be the safest bet. You know, no talking...or at least limited talking before the movie started. WRONG!!!
First Impression: TOOL
Second Impression: MAJOR TOOL
Third IMPRESSION: OMG, I have to walk out with him, I hope no one sees me (yeah it was that bad)
Ok, let me back up. So JB, what can I say about him. I try to find something GOOD about everyone. I mean, something that I like about the person. Sometimes it takes me a long time, and sometimes it's just there. Well with JB, the only good thing I found, was I liked his glasses and they were perfect for his face. They were SEXY NERD, although he had no idea how to pull the rest of his outfit off. He had on long black shorts, with long black athletic socks, (I hate that) and black tennis shoes, and an army-ish looking t-shirt, The shorts looked liked wide leg Capri’s, and went well over his socks. WTF? I know we were going to be in a dark theater for 3 hours, but you'd think he'd dress better than that. To top it off, he told me over the phone, he was coming from work and had a change of clothes in the car, so he wouldn't have to go home. He should have just wore his work shit...
Lets see, what else...oh he talked a lot. A whole lot, and I couldn't really concentrate on all of the words because his breath was a bit...well...bad. Actually, it smelled like a dumpster on a hot day in July. I leaned more to left, because he was sitting on my right. I tried to make an excuse to leave & go to the concession stand, just so I could get some fresh air. He went instead, which allowed me about 5 minutes to take deep breaths with out gagging. When he came back, he had a small popcorn to share and a water for me & soda for him. I really appreciated it. But I didn't want to share. Not because I'm stingy, but I couldn't help to think where his hands had been. If he put that much thought into his grungey, backseat car outfit, who knew how much he'd put into washing his hands...
Speaking of talking, he didn’t know how to use his indoor voice, seriously. Like I whispered, just so he would follow my lead...nope not a chance. For the most part though, he was quite during the movie which was really good. And he was respectful, no getting drunk like the previous date with the other tool. The only other thing that got on my nerves besides his talking, his breath, and wardrobe choice, was the fact that he felt like he had to explain everything to me, but really he was the one a few crayons short in his crayon box. For example:
Him: Yeah, you know you would probably like Iron Man. I haven’t seen it but...
Me: I seen it, they are coming out with a part two soon...
Him: Well you know, my boy told me about it, and I was thinking it was probably about a man made of Iron, like Superman or something...but it’s not, he explained it to me and said he has a suit. I never seen it though. You know, they probably have it at Redbox. You know, the box where you can get movies, since they are coming out with a part two.
Me: Yeah, I seen it, you should see, it. Do you have Netflix
Him: No, I have this thing called a DVR, you know, you can record stuff on it, and watch it later. Because I don’t...
Me: Yeah, I know what a DVR is...
Him: Well you can record stuff on it. I don’t know about Netflix.
So, so painful. I learned my lesson. Stop giving guys my number when I’m drunk. Blame it on the...
First Impression: TOOL
Second Impression: MAJOR TOOL
Third IMPRESSION: OMG, I have to walk out with him, I hope no one sees me (yeah it was that bad)
Ok, let me back up. So JB, what can I say about him. I try to find something GOOD about everyone. I mean, something that I like about the person. Sometimes it takes me a long time, and sometimes it's just there. Well with JB, the only good thing I found, was I liked his glasses and they were perfect for his face. They were SEXY NERD, although he had no idea how to pull the rest of his outfit off. He had on long black shorts, with long black athletic socks, (I hate that) and black tennis shoes, and an army-ish looking t-shirt, The shorts looked liked wide leg Capri’s, and went well over his socks. WTF? I know we were going to be in a dark theater for 3 hours, but you'd think he'd dress better than that. To top it off, he told me over the phone, he was coming from work and had a change of clothes in the car, so he wouldn't have to go home. He should have just wore his work shit...
Lets see, what else...oh he talked a lot. A whole lot, and I couldn't really concentrate on all of the words because his breath was a bit...well...bad. Actually, it smelled like a dumpster on a hot day in July. I leaned more to left, because he was sitting on my right. I tried to make an excuse to leave & go to the concession stand, just so I could get some fresh air. He went instead, which allowed me about 5 minutes to take deep breaths with out gagging. When he came back, he had a small popcorn to share and a water for me & soda for him. I really appreciated it. But I didn't want to share. Not because I'm stingy, but I couldn't help to think where his hands had been. If he put that much thought into his grungey, backseat car outfit, who knew how much he'd put into washing his hands...
Speaking of talking, he didn’t know how to use his indoor voice, seriously. Like I whispered, just so he would follow my lead...nope not a chance. For the most part though, he was quite during the movie which was really good. And he was respectful, no getting drunk like the previous date with the other tool. The only other thing that got on my nerves besides his talking, his breath, and wardrobe choice, was the fact that he felt like he had to explain everything to me, but really he was the one a few crayons short in his crayon box. For example:
Him: Yeah, you know you would probably like Iron Man. I haven’t seen it but...
Me: I seen it, they are coming out with a part two soon...
Him: Well you know, my boy told me about it, and I was thinking it was probably about a man made of Iron, like Superman or something...but it’s not, he explained it to me and said he has a suit. I never seen it though. You know, they probably have it at Redbox. You know, the box where you can get movies, since they are coming out with a part two.
Me: Yeah, I seen it, you should see, it. Do you have Netflix
Him: No, I have this thing called a DVR, you know, you can record stuff on it, and watch it later. Because I don’t...
Me: Yeah, I know what a DVR is...
Him: Well you can record stuff on it. I don’t know about Netflix.
So, so painful. I learned my lesson. Stop giving guys my number when I’m drunk. Blame it on the...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
A Big Deal Out Of Nothing...
“All a man has is his word, if he can’t keep his word, he’s not a man” - My Dad
So remember, awhile back I said Brian might be able to pull some strings... he came through!
I actually had nightmares (ok a nightmare) about meeting Brian’s mom a few weeks ago. I can’t remember all of the details, but I do remember how I felt in the dream, and how I felt when I woke up. After racking my brain on what to wear for what could potentially be a Test, or D-day, or the Best/Worst day of my life, I chose a simple, cute, classy sundress for the occasion (I coined it the Stepford Wife Dress), with a light sweater to cover my bare arms.
Really though, I made a big deal out of nothing. We’re friends right? I mean, guys introduce their female friends to their family & friends all the time, right? I don’t know. I guess I have a thing about people meeting my family...maybe it’s just me. Although I was nervous on the inside, I was cool, calm & collected on the outside. I remembered most of the details Brian revealed overtime. After introducing me as his friend, shaking hands with his mother & brother, and making small talk, I could finally breathe again.
Brian & his brother look nothing alike. Brian’s daughter is a cutie and Brian’s Mom reminds me of my Mom. Overall, it was a chill event/occasion/meeting....not bad.
Question: Do you introduce "friends" of the opposite sex to the parents/family? How often? Under what circumstances?
In Other News:
Mr. Henry called me yesterday to tell me he finished his favor. The other day he basically asked me to write a paper for him, and that he would pay me. After telling him off about contacting me only when he wants something, and telling him NO. I think he got it. Granted I have never wrote a paper for him, but he always manages to ask me for “favors”. I also think the lack of sexual attraction to him, makes it easier. Don’t get me wrong, he used to do things for me as well, but more times than not, I received the short end of the stick...not anymore...I really don’t have a desire to talk to him, see him, nothing.
The Old Man text me and called me yesterday too. He was “fishing” for information, and tried to find the perfect moment to bring up the fact that he’s dating someone...good for you! I could care less.
The Tool from the other day keeps texting me and called. He hasn’t gotten the hint yet.
So remember, awhile back I said Brian might be able to pull some strings... he came through!
I actually had nightmares (ok a nightmare) about meeting Brian’s mom a few weeks ago. I can’t remember all of the details, but I do remember how I felt in the dream, and how I felt when I woke up. After racking my brain on what to wear for what could potentially be a Test, or D-day, or the Best/Worst day of my life, I chose a simple, cute, classy sundress for the occasion (I coined it the Stepford Wife Dress), with a light sweater to cover my bare arms.
Really though, I made a big deal out of nothing. We’re friends right? I mean, guys introduce their female friends to their family & friends all the time, right? I don’t know. I guess I have a thing about people meeting my family...maybe it’s just me. Although I was nervous on the inside, I was cool, calm & collected on the outside. I remembered most of the details Brian revealed overtime. After introducing me as his friend, shaking hands with his mother & brother, and making small talk, I could finally breathe again.
Brian & his brother look nothing alike. Brian’s daughter is a cutie and Brian’s Mom reminds me of my Mom. Overall, it was a chill event/occasion/meeting....not bad.
Question: Do you introduce "friends" of the opposite sex to the parents/family? How often? Under what circumstances?
In Other News:
Mr. Henry called me yesterday to tell me he finished his favor. The other day he basically asked me to write a paper for him, and that he would pay me. After telling him off about contacting me only when he wants something, and telling him NO. I think he got it. Granted I have never wrote a paper for him, but he always manages to ask me for “favors”. I also think the lack of sexual attraction to him, makes it easier. Don’t get me wrong, he used to do things for me as well, but more times than not, I received the short end of the stick...not anymore...I really don’t have a desire to talk to him, see him, nothing.
The Old Man text me and called me yesterday too. He was “fishing” for information, and tried to find the perfect moment to bring up the fact that he’s dating someone...good for you! I could care less.
The Tool from the other day keeps texting me and called. He hasn’t gotten the hint yet.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
One Date, A Tool & A Funeral (Part 1 of 2)
My weekend was ALMOST painful, not in a sexy good way, either. It started off well. Thursday night, I put a little culture in my life, and went and seen a play. Friday night, typical night of hanging with Brian. Saturday...this is where the pain began...
Saturday, I woke-up extremely early, after a night of drinking with Brian...I don’t know why, but my body refuses to sleep past 9am after a night of vanilla vodka, even with a dose of Tylenol PM. Did my usual Saturday errands. Since there was so much traffic and a ton of tourists, IMF protestors, and just plain, "we’re so happy it’s nice outside traffic", I decided to change my date plans with James (the potential replacement), plus I needed a recovery nap. Our original plan was to make wine at 4:00pm; I called him around 1:00pm to see if he was opposed to changing our plans to something else. He was all for it, because he wanted to partake in a soccer game. So the new plan venturing to a Hookah bar at 8pm. (my suggestion since I’ve never been).
He informed me that he was going to take the Metro into the city to avoid the parking problems of Adams Morgan, and that he would call me when he was on his way. He called a few minutes before 8, literally a few.
Me: Did you leave yet?
James: No I just got done playing soccer. I’m on my way home to take a shower. It’s raining here. Do you want to do a movie instead?
Me: Ummm, like what? There’s not anything out I really want to see.
James: Do you want to see Obsessed.
Me: No, I don’t care for Beyonce (gasp). I’ll check the showtimes & call you back.
I called him back and told him there wasn’t anything I was particularly feeling, after more discussion, we decided to stick to the hookah plans. He finally gets into the city around 10pm. After picking him up from the Metro, I drive a few blocks to our destination & circle forever in search of a parking spot. After almost giving up, we find one & head to the hookah bar. There’s a 20 minute wait. By this time, it’s a little after 11pm. Brian sends me a text to see how it’s going.
After James & I find a bar sans hookah, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I text Brian back.
I return, and James and I chat for awhile, I have a drink, we share fries...everything is going ok...
We leave and decide to walk around for a bit. We find another hookah bar, that has space available. We sit and try it out. By this time it's after 1am. Thus far into the date, my feelings on him are luke warm. For example, he really didn't dress "nicely" for a first date. He also said a few other things that I wasn't particularly jumping up and down about (i.e. marriage & 3 kids...that's not first date talk). We leave the bar, and he asks me if I want to head back to the first hookah bar, that was booked. We do. He then asks me if I want a shot.
Me: No
Him: Come on just one
Me: Naaa, not, really...well. ok, just one.
He orders 4 shots!!!
Me: Who's taking those? I said one. I'm not drinking more than that.
Him: Ok, I'll take the 3.
After he takes the three shots back to back, to back. He then informed me, that while I was in the ladies room at the first place, he took a shot. At this point, I'm ready to go. It's late, I'm tired, I'm not impressed with him...and in ANY moment, he's going to be feeling the shots. (I see where this is going) We leave and make the hike back to my truck. By this time it's a few minutes after 2. I drive towards the Metro. When we get there, he lingers in the truck. He looks at the clock...
Him: Oh, man!!! I think my bus stopped running.
Me: Are you sure?
Him: Yeah, I think it stops at 2am.
Me: Well the buses usually run late. I thought you drove to the Metro and took the Metro in?
Him: No, I took the bus to the Metro. In fact, I'm pretty sure it stopped running.
Me: Can you check???
(he pulls his phone out and PRETENDS to go online & check)
Him: It stopped at 2am.
Me: Well what are you going to do? Can you take a cab from the Metro to your place? (At this point I'm ready for him to get the F out)
Him: No, I live in the burbs. Man, I'm sooo sorry. I can't believe this. Don't you live close by?
Me: Yes
Him: We can go to your place, and I'll sleep on the floor. It's soooo late.
Me: No, I'll drop you off.
Him: But it's late, I don't want you on the road this late. I live far, and we are just a few minutes from your place...
To Be Continued....
Saturday, I woke-up extremely early, after a night of drinking with Brian...I don’t know why, but my body refuses to sleep past 9am after a night of vanilla vodka, even with a dose of Tylenol PM. Did my usual Saturday errands. Since there was so much traffic and a ton of tourists, IMF protestors, and just plain, "we’re so happy it’s nice outside traffic", I decided to change my date plans with James (the potential replacement), plus I needed a recovery nap. Our original plan was to make wine at 4:00pm; I called him around 1:00pm to see if he was opposed to changing our plans to something else. He was all for it, because he wanted to partake in a soccer game. So the new plan venturing to a Hookah bar at 8pm. (my suggestion since I’ve never been).
He informed me that he was going to take the Metro into the city to avoid the parking problems of Adams Morgan, and that he would call me when he was on his way. He called a few minutes before 8, literally a few.
Me: Did you leave yet?
James: No I just got done playing soccer. I’m on my way home to take a shower. It’s raining here. Do you want to do a movie instead?
Me: Ummm, like what? There’s not anything out I really want to see.
James: Do you want to see Obsessed.
Me: No, I don’t care for Beyonce (gasp). I’ll check the showtimes & call you back.
I called him back and told him there wasn’t anything I was particularly feeling, after more discussion, we decided to stick to the hookah plans. He finally gets into the city around 10pm. After picking him up from the Metro, I drive a few blocks to our destination & circle forever in search of a parking spot. After almost giving up, we find one & head to the hookah bar. There’s a 20 minute wait. By this time, it’s a little after 11pm. Brian sends me a text to see how it’s going.
After James & I find a bar sans hookah, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I text Brian back.
I return, and James and I chat for awhile, I have a drink, we share fries...everything is going ok...
We leave and decide to walk around for a bit. We find another hookah bar, that has space available. We sit and try it out. By this time it's after 1am. Thus far into the date, my feelings on him are luke warm. For example, he really didn't dress "nicely" for a first date. He also said a few other things that I wasn't particularly jumping up and down about (i.e. marriage & 3 kids...that's not first date talk). We leave the bar, and he asks me if I want to head back to the first hookah bar, that was booked. We do. He then asks me if I want a shot.
Me: No
Him: Come on just one
Me: Naaa, not, really...well. ok, just one.
He orders 4 shots!!!
Me: Who's taking those? I said one. I'm not drinking more than that.
Him: Ok, I'll take the 3.
After he takes the three shots back to back, to back. He then informed me, that while I was in the ladies room at the first place, he took a shot. At this point, I'm ready to go. It's late, I'm tired, I'm not impressed with him...and in ANY moment, he's going to be feeling the shots. (I see where this is going) We leave and make the hike back to my truck. By this time it's a few minutes after 2. I drive towards the Metro. When we get there, he lingers in the truck. He looks at the clock...
Him: Oh, man!!! I think my bus stopped running.
Me: Are you sure?
Him: Yeah, I think it stops at 2am.
Me: Well the buses usually run late. I thought you drove to the Metro and took the Metro in?
Him: No, I took the bus to the Metro. In fact, I'm pretty sure it stopped running.
Me: Can you check???
(he pulls his phone out and PRETENDS to go online & check)
Him: It stopped at 2am.
Me: Well what are you going to do? Can you take a cab from the Metro to your place? (At this point I'm ready for him to get the F out)
Him: No, I live in the burbs. Man, I'm sooo sorry. I can't believe this. Don't you live close by?
Me: Yes
Him: We can go to your place, and I'll sleep on the floor. It's soooo late.
Me: No, I'll drop you off.
Him: But it's late, I don't want you on the road this late. I live far, and we are just a few minutes from your place...
To Be Continued....
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