The Weekend Update: Sexpectations...

After 6 weeks of not having any sexual stimulation (besides my weekly visits to pornhub) I had (safe) sex on Saturday. Let me re-phrase that, I had safe wack sex on Saturday. It was so wack I was mad. It was so wack, I contemplated all of the things I could have done. It was so über wack, after I kicked him out, I was up pondering what it is I want (from the male homo-sapien species). I always come back to the same conclusion. I want Great (AMAZING) monogamous safe sex, with someone who is hot, with occasional exchanges of witty banter and some chemistry, without the emotional attachment (right now), oh and to go out occasionally and that’s it. It’s possible. I’ve done it before. I recall some amazing times in college, and a few not too long ago. I don’t think I’m asking for too much (ok, maybe a little, but still). I just can’t do the emotional thing right now. I really can’t.

Yes, I know, it’s a slippery slippery slope, but there are things not related to dating, that I need to work on, and if I add developing a ball & chain relationship to the stack, well it just doesn’t sound appealing nor does it work in my favor. See I have a list of things I want to do, and I can’t really do these things AND develop something special and exciting with a potential...but am I supposed to suffer sexually, for wanting to work on my life??? Like isn’t it enough I hate my part-time job (yes, I know, I only have to suffer 25 hours a week, but they are the longest 25 hours ever). Isn’t it enough I’m trying to work on my business endeavors, apply to grad school, work on myself, and figure out how to take off for a year and travel...

Lack of good sex + lack of job satisfaction+ saving + working on business and career goals+balancing a social life+ trying to apply to grad school + working on me = MADNESS

No sex??? That’s like punishment on top of punishment.

Side Note: I did the celibate thing on and off (the longest 13 months), and the quantitative results are still the same, sexually frustrated(End Side Note).

So I need something else to look forward to besides my upcoming trips and scheduled fun (the countdown begins). Lack of sex, un-happy with job, still trying to figure out direction of businesses, and career....well that just sounds like semi-hell, and I don’t wanna participate anymore (besides great sex is a good stress reliever). This form of punishment reminds me of the days my mom would ban me from the TV and phone. Isn’t it enough that you already banned me from the TV, and now you want to take my only way of communicating with the outside world away??? Yes, although I always found ways around it (light up phones worked well in the dark once you turned the ringer off), but still, it was a psychological punishment that worked, ok I digress...

Back to this sexual “relationship”... it’s a bit of a conundrum. I guess I’ll head to the toy store until I can find a suitable solution...


In Other News:
The other days that made up my weekend weren’t soooo bad. Thursday...I can’t remember, I’m sure it involved vodka. Friday involved wine & vodka, a cool lounge in Adams Morgan & meeting three guys. Two of the three were cool. Let’s skip the details on Saturday’s debauchery...and Sunday was business stuff. Devin and I were going to meet up, but we didn’t. Oh, Brian & I exchanged a few text messages and an e-mail...

I need a vacation...I can’t wait for my first trip...Boston get ready!

Maybe It's...

Maybe it's me...maybe I have these high expectations of what I want in a man, and when someone doesn't meet them, I'm done. Maybe I am searching for this Prince Charming, when all that exists are Dukes and Earls. Maybe I have a secret fluorescent light on my forehead that says "All Losers Apply Here", "All Old Men Apply Here", and "All boys between 21 & 24 take a number, you're next"...

I don't know what it is, why it is, or who it is, and half the time, I wonder if it's me....then I think about it....and I'm like ..."Hell no"...it was him (at least 95% of the time, ok 90%)

The Old Man's visit had me contemplating my dating style and habits this past year. I mean, actually, I can't be too disappointed, I met more guys than I have fingers & toes ( I have them all!) and went on more dates this year, than any other year in my life. So it has been a good dating year for me (except for the lack of sex recently)

In the dating process, I learned a lot about myself, and I learned not to sweat the small stuff...but it's the small stuff that sill F'n bothers me. I mean really small stuff.

For example, the Old Man came over for his very first time since we have been dating. I finally let my guard down and invite him to my oh so sexy love shack (yes) and he pisses me off.

First, he's super late, he gets here by about 9pm (and I'm calculating in my head how long I will let him stay over, 2 hours max)

Second, he's supposed to be taking care of me, you know babying me & pampering me cause I don't feel well. Well he was acting like a freakin kid in a candy store. He wanted to look at everything, take his slow grandpa time, and "snoop" so to speak. Granted it was his first time here, but WTF... I wanted to say "you're 56, take a chill pill! You act like you've never seen a cute, stylish, sexy 1 bedroom, English basement apartment before" (ok, not exactly like that, but close.)

Third, we ordered Thai food, and transferred it to real plates. Why in the F was he spilling sh** like he needs to wear a bib or something... (spilling on the couch, himself, the floor, my decorative serving tray that's for display only)...not sexy at all...

I don't know, maybe it was me. Maybe I was irritated because I was sick, or I'm not sure, but I just am not feeling that connection with him right now.

When he finally got ready to leave, he was lingering longer than needed...like he wanted me to say "You know you can stay here, you don't have to go"... (it was almost 11:30p, way pass the 2 hr mark)

It never crossed my mind, I didn't want him to stay...I was so ready for him to go...