Wednesday, June 30, 2010

When's The Last Time You've Been Tested???

- April 28th, 2010 - I'm negative for everything under the sun, including BS and I have proof -Diva

I remember in high school we took this health seminar, that was kind of a "scare you straight" moment. They showed graphic detailed pictures of every disease imaginable. I crossed my legs & vowed to keep my muffin box locked.
Well college happened, and let's just say, I shared my muffin a few times....but those pictures always lingered in my thoughts....which had me paranoid (even when I used prophylactics) so paranoid, that I decided to go cold turkey for long periods of time.

Last week the CDC released another HIV Study. It boggles me, how people are still getting the itchies, with all of the PSA's, posters, free condoms, etc. going on... Ummm here are a few DC specific stats:

  • D.C.’s AIDS rate is higher than that of any U.S. state. DC AIDS rate is approximately 10 times that of the U.S. in general.
  • D.C.’s AIDS rate is higher than these major cities: Baltimore, Philadelphia, New York City, Detroit, and Chicago.
  • From 2004 to 2008, 3,312 new AIDS cases were diagnosed in D.C. African-Americans accounted for 86 percent of those cases.
  • More people in D.C. are testing positive for HIV: From 2004 to 2008, the “number of persons testing positive” for HIV in D.C. increased by 353 percent, from 246 in 2004 to 1,115 in 2008. (via Wash City Paper)
Moral of the stats - WRAP it up or keep your snakes caged & muffin boxes closed

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Sometimes when one is venting about the relationship (any type of relationship) think about all of things you dislike about that actuality though, there are things that you like, which kinda makes you stick around. I decided to compile a list of the things Klein does or did, that kinda stick out. Warning...sappiness to follow...

On a couple of occasions after a long day of working, he massaged my feet (he even kissed them once...)

He brought me a pair of earrings just because he thought they looked like something I would wear.

He picked up dinner after I had yet another long day of dealing with client stuff...without me asking

He constantly tells me why he loves me

He remembers little things, like what I wore on our first date, what I had on when I visited his mom in the hospital, what I had on when we met. (hell I don’t even remember that stuff)

He loves playing in my hair (Pause...)

He carries my heavy stuff without me asking

He opens my car door (Every time, sometimes I forget to wait for him, and do it myself, but he’ll still come to my side of the door)

If I cook, he offers to wash the dishes (well, I only cooked like twice, so maybe this one doesn’t count that much)

He kisses me in the morning, (I’m thinking my breath smells like cotton candy or something, cause he never scrunches up his face)

He kisses the palms of my hand & my forehead (I don’t know why I like this, I just do)

He constantly tells me what a great woman I am

He loves smelling me (It’s actually kind of weird, but if he likes it, who am I to deny him the pleasure of smelling me???)


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Kitchen

So last night Klein spent the night...I went in. Maybe it was the vodka with white peach (tasty) or the fact that I have given it a lot of thought.

Me: Baby, I think you have hang-ups about sex and sexuality...

Klein: What are you talking about, where is this coming from???

Me: Well the other night when I wanted to suck your d*ck (yes I said that) you had an issue with it. Why?

Klein: I told you, it’s ok if we are going to have sex, but just to do it, just’re better than that.

Me: But baby, if it’s something I want to do for you, and we are in a committed relationship, what’s wrong with that. Like, if I don’t do it, are you gonna go find someone else...

Klein: No. I wouldn’t do that.

Me: If we are in a relationship, there’s nothing wrong with me being a freak for anything goes

Klein: Almost anything

Me: I’m your freak, so it’s ok

Klein: Why do you have those shorts on... (black little cheeky ones)

(I laughed and walk to the kitchen)

Me: Why are you following me

Klein: You know what you’re doing to me...

And let’s just say, in the kitchen, with the refrigerator door wide open, he got the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich (uhhh a BJ for the slow folks) ever......

Afterwards, we laid in bed and talked about his sex hang-ups and where they came from...after he told me, it made a little more sense, but I still think it’s an age and experience thing.

Monday, June 21, 2010

A Little More TMI...OK Too Much TMI’s true we are back together (almost 2 weeks now). Long story short, in his mind, we never broke up. He came over one day as if all was right with the world and the Celtics won (like how I slipped that in)... anyways, we talked, blah, blah, blah and made up. The next day we had make-up sex. (he was on time-out that night, and thus had to work really really hard for it).

Oh yeah, that same day, his sister wanted to talk to me and thank me for being there during the whole mom thing and to tell me what a great, fabulous person I am, and how I am the sun, moon and stars to Klein (ok...she didn’t say moon, but you know...I’m really terrific and such)

Speaking of talking to the family members, his mom wanted to talk to me yesterday, to express the same sentiment and to invite me to see her. Hmmm, what can I say, they heart me!

Ok, so here’s where the confusion comes in about talking to the one eyed monster. We are laying in bed, cuddling, and he knows I’ve been riding the crimson tide...but his one eyed monster won’t go to sleep, and kept poking matter where I moved.

Me: Baby go to sleep

Klein: I can’t...I’m trying. You make me so horny.

Me: You want me to talk to him

Klein: Yes

(I kiss him, Klein moans...I get ready to do a little more...)

Klein: Baby no.

Me: Why not? (IN MY HEAD: ...what the eff? I’m tired and I want you to stop grinding on me cause I wanna go to I need to make sure your Johnson stops poking me)

Klein: Because we can’t have sex.

Me: I know, but I want you to come, so we (really me) can go to sleep.

Klein: You’re my girlfriend, and I don’t want to...

(I cut him off)

Me: I’m not gonna let you come in my mouth

Klein: No, you’re special. I love you and you mean a lot to me. I don’t want you to blow him, unless it’s immediately followed by us making love.

Me: Why, I don’t get it. If I’m your girlfriend, and we are in a monogamous relationship, and I want to...

Klein: Because you’re special...if it’s some random chick I don’t care about, I’d let her and go to sleep, but I respect and love you...

Me: But I’d let you please me all you want, and we don’t have to have sex afterwards...

Klein: Come here, I love you. (he kissed me, and pulled me close)

Me: (laying there wide awake, like- wow...hmmmmmm.....I’ve never had a significant other to turn down a free and clear “you’re not obligated to return the favor spit-shine, because it’s that time of month, and this is a once in a life-time gift”....what really began to boggle me as I was laying there, was how he has me up on this pedestal. One day last week, as we were playing hokey pokey, (girl on top) he was saying stuff like “oooh, you’re such a freak”.... but I was confused, because I didn’t see what was so freaky about a perfectly normal position. It wasn’t like I asked him to tie me up or handcuff and blindfold me on the balcony

So...he’s ultra conservative in the bedroom, unless he’s oral communicating with me...what happens when the sex gets blah 6 months from, and I want to do some “spicy” things.... I mean I go from Mr. H, who liked me to slap him and spit on him, to Klein, who thinks playing polo is super freaky.

Ok, I know this was TMI...but I was really confused by the whole, no slob the knob thing

Confessions & TMI

This is definitely TMI.... but this has never happened to me. So I am quite confused???

Klien didn't want me to slob his knob, because he said I'm his GF and he loves me too much for that.

PAUSE. I'm going to let that sink in, then explain.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I Don’t Do Pansy...The Break-Up (Pt. 2)

So Saturday after his random morning text, and me ignoring him. I get the following Sunday evening:

Klein: Where are u. i know u think i don’t care but i do this ordeal with my moms is a bit much i haven’t been feeling well either plse don’t think im tryn 2 hurt u

Me: ok

3 hours later

Me: I’ve had time to think about everything and I think you are a great person and have good intentions, but maybe the timing is bad for you in regards to being in a relationship right now. I’ll be here if you need a shoulder to lean on. Deuces Pansy boy (<---ok I didn’t say deuces...but I was trying to be nice)

My thoughts: I do think he was a nice guy, but he has/had waaaayyy too many issues. I’m not a teacher, and don’t have the patience to school him. Did I like him? Yes. Did I love him? Not like that. Was I in love with him? Nope nadda. Possibility of friendship in the future??? Who knows...

Monday, June 7, 2010

I Don’t Do Pansy...The Break-Up (Pt. 1)

A lot can happen in 6 days...the timeline of the break-up commences.

Last Tuesday: Klein and I spent face-time together. After a rough weekend, the L-bomb, the request for my hand in girlfriend-dom, and his mom’s successful road to recovery, we seemed to be getting back to “normal”, whatever normal is. During our face-time, Klein reiterated the fact that he “loved” me. (His words) and that he’s so happy to have me in his life, and what a fabulous, awesome, wonderful person he thinks I am. We laid around for awhile, talked, caught-up, made out, sexed, cuddled...then he went home.

Last Wednesday: I sent him an e-mail & text in the morning (note before 11am) asking him what his schedule was like over the weekend, I wanted to see if he wanted to de-stress with some libations, miniature golf, and just hang. That evening (note 9 hours later), I sent him a text asking him if he was still taking his exams.

(mid-night, I made one last txt attempt) Me: Hey baby, where r u, I’ve been trying to call/txt u

(an hour later) Klein: Hey baby, I’m ok, just a lot of running around. Exam postponed for me

Side Note: I was in never-never land by this point, so I didn’t respond

Last Thursday: Not totally bothered by his lack of response time, due to us talking about his busy schedule Tuesday, I decided to check on him mid-afternoon to a) catch-up b) to see if he wanted to grab some dinner and c) to see if he had to work over the weekend because I was planning to go to NY. He answered & said he was in the vitamin shop and he would call right back

4-Hours later he calls me, and by this time, I’m at the bar doing flights, glancing at the game and waiting on my chick friend to arrive and partake in liquid libations with me. I didn’t answer because the music was rock band loud, so I sent him a text.

Me: Oh wow you must finally be done at the vitamin store... (sarcasm in txt messages suck) I’m near U St. stopped to grab some food, it’s loud in here so txt me

Klein: U and those quips lol just checkin in u told me you had to catch me up

Me: Yes...everything I had to tell you is old news now and my favor I was trying to ask you is have to work tonight?

Klein: No just studying for my make-up

Me: Can u meet me half-way & walk me home in a little while please?

(half an hr later)

Me: So is that a no?

My chick friend & I stay awhile longer, head to another spot, then I decide to head home. For whatever reason, I decide to forego the cab, and walk (like 15 mins on a bad day) to my place. On my way, I call Klein and he answers. I ask him why didn’t he respond, all he had to do was say no. He says he’s studying and I make a remark, then he says, something about being stressed. He rushes me off, and at this point, I’m a little pissed.

Friday Afternoon:

Txt from Klein: Hey baby, you still mad at me?

Me: Hey baby I wasn’t mad you

Klein: Yes u were i had a rough night. I threw up real bad all of this worry and frequent upsets isn’t good for my stomach

Me: I’m sorry baby. You gotta lighten up. YOU are going to send yourself to an early grave. I wasn’t mad. You just have to learn how to communicate better. ESPECIALLY with the person you’re in a relationship with. All I needed was 5 mins out of your 24hr day. That was the point I was trying to make.

No response

Later Friday Night:

Me: Where are you?

No response.

(3 hours later) Me: Baby seriously????? Are you at work?

No response

So at this point, we hadn’t seen each other since Tuesday, and hadn’t had a conversation for more that a minute. As stated before, he’s a hop, skip and a jump away...not state or county lines, just a few blocks. In my mind, I’m like whatever. I mentally check out of all things Klein, and head to NYC Saturday morning to hang with PATT to party party party.

Before I make the drive: I get this text from him in the am: Hey I feel so bad my head is killing me

Errrrrk, what does that have to do with me trying to get in touch??? I decided not to respond...uhhh as noted mental break was in full effect.

(side note: at some-pount on Friday his phone, got the good ole, you didn't pay your bill, all you can do is text, boot....hence all the text messages rather than calls from Friday on... end side notes)

To be continued...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

This May Come As A Surprise...

Last week was a rough week for Klein. He hadn’t been dealing with his mother’s illness very well. We talked a few times during the week, and one night he came back to DC to handle some stuff. He spent the night and we talked and played hokey pokey. He got up and left and called me later to tell me about her condition. Me being the exceptionally great person that I am (ok...well at least I think I am), I offered to drive 4 hours to a) support him and b) meet his mom, since she’s been asking him when she was going to meet me.

He was shocked, floored & amazed. He told me how much that meant to him and laid on the compliments and praises the rest of the convo.

I really didn’t know what to expect. You know, I mean, if it were the other way around, I’d want a friend to offer moral support. In fact I would do that for any of my close friends...I guess I didn’t quite understand the magnanimity of my actions, or rather what they meant to Klein.

He asked me to be his girlfriend.

Oh and he dropped the L-bomb.