Vegas, According To Bond (Guest Post)

I read and lurk on a lot of blogs. I present to you Bond. Black Bond. It just so happened that Bond & I were in Vegas the same weekend; extremely unknowingly close. And, it just so happened, that we may have stayed in the same hotel for a day or so!!! In anycase, I’m not spilling the beans on what happened with me & POW in Vegas. Atleast not yet. However, you should enjoy the Bond Experience.
Enjoy
Diva
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(This is the finale for the Vegas series. I was there for another night, but it was uneventful as I was there alone. I know each post was lengthy and I took awhile to finish, but I wanted to be as descriptive and authentic as I could be. I will be back to 'normal' blogs from this point. At least until the next series--Bond)


Starring: The Black Bond
Co-Starring: Diddy
Guess Starring: Latino Mami(s), The Texas Girls, The Beckys, D list celebrities, retired athlete, Pop starlet, random video vixen/jersey chasers, etc.
Location: VEGAS!

Soundtrack courtesy of The Black Bond iPod

"Run This Town", "F*ck All Night", "Excuse Me Miss" by Jay-Z
"Money to Blow", "Still Fly", "Ransom", "Stunt Hard" by Drake
"Never Get It", "H*es" by Lil' Wayne
"First Day Out" by Gucci Mane (AYE!)
"3 in the morning" by UGK
"PWA" by 5th ward boyz
"Hey Ma (remix)" by Cam'Ron
"Bubble Music" by Cam'Ron
"Bad Whiskey (Wavy)" by Max B


"The Game is ours
we'll never foul out...
Y'all just better hope
we gracefully bow out"--Sean Carter, Do It Again, Vol. 3


Diddy gets a call from a gamer in ATL. A gamer is what we call a female player. She usually has the face of an angel, body of a goddess, personality of a jester, and the aura of a queen. When I was in college and I would be in cities like Atlanta, Houston, D.C., etc. they were frequent. Now I see more clucks than a little. I think people in general just are not what they used to be.

Anyway, this particular gamer is calling Diddy about a business opportunity. He puts his phone on speaker to let me hear her slick talk. She is selling a product called a body wrap*. She has a practical monopoly from Atlanta to Houston with this product and she wants to expand to Los Angeles. She boasts that she has made $15,000 in one month. She wants Diddy and whoever he knows (i.e. Me & J) to put some money up for her to expand or to take the body wrap to our respective cities of origin/residence. The money sounds good, but I'm a guy--what the hell do I look like selling body wraps to women?!

She goes in about how when she was in Vegas a guy noticed her ass (yeah, that'll do it) and put her up in a penthouse. He lives in L.A. but she hasn't had a chance to break him. She's not about sex, she says it takes a check to get her wet. Hilarious...but I love it; reminds me of one of my lines. Diddy tells her he will hear her out, types in the dates she will be in L.A. then hangs up.

I go through my wager slips to see if there are any I have overlooked. Damn. I notice all of the money I lost; moreover, the money I lost out on. I find two slips that seem to be live: 8-team parlay cards with one game left for Ole Miss. Win potential: $1100 dollars. I think my luck is about to change.

Diddy texts the Italian girl, her name is Janelle*. She works for a publishing and media company on the east coast. She was in Vegas initially for business, but decided to go out Saturday. I instruct him on what to say. She comes across as a woman who is susceptible to flattery. She eventually stops texting and calls after one of his (my) lines intrigue her. She wants to meet us at the infamous pool party that takes place at the Hard Rock every Sunday. She has passes & VIP, however, we must go now to take advantage.

I tell Diddy I will meet him at the Hard Rock. I do not want to be a third wheel and I want to see if I will win these bets. I also need to pack because I cannot stand being at this hotel any longer than I have to. I tell him to call me once he gets in line. He tells me that Fabolous was at a club inside the Bellagio last night called The Bank, and we probably could have gone in with me in jeans and a t-shirt. I don't think he realizes that I am impartial.

Diddy leaves and I turn the television to ESPN to see the Ole Miss game. Ole Miss is winning, however, they are not covering the spread. Damn. I'm about to be depressed all over again. I send out a few texts to see if anybody else had any luck yesterday. The next thing I know, Ole Miss bounces back to score 28 points in the 4th quarter. I win. Guess my luck has changed.

I jump up to pack and take a shower. After I get dressed, I noticed Diddy has called. He says that the line to the pool party is around the block. The pool party was free until noon, however, the line will negate anybody getting in there by noon. I ask him about the passes, but her connect is no longer there...probably in the pool party. It turns out that T-pain and Fabolous will be at this pool party so it will be a concert as well as a party. I tell him to call me back when he finds out what the cover is.

I put on cargo shorts, polo shirt, and uptowns then head to my original hotel. On my way out there are men holding hands by the pool area. Pause.
I catch a cab to my hotel to check in. I walk into the lobby and there seems to be more people here than ever before. It seems like every time someone leaves Vegas, three people replace them. I ignore the line and walk directly to the attendant and inform her I have a reservation. She motions me to one of the people at the front desk. They place me on the 21st floor with a view of the strip. Guess my luck has improved.

After receiving my key card I walk to the sportsbook to collect my money. I see the Latino guy from Saturday, who asks me how my luck has been. I tell him it just got better: $1100 dollar parlay win. He says "shit! Damn homie, I need to do what you're doing". I give him dap then head upstairs to drop off my bags. Diddy calls to inform me that the cover is $100 dollars for guys, $50 dollars for females and it is already after noon. I tell him that I will be there, but he does not want to go, because he and Janelle decide to get massages. Now I see he is in impressive mode because he starts whispering asking me what type of massages are available and how much they cost. He wants to know what type of massage I had and how much it costs.
I tell him the massage was about $135 for a 60 minute session. He yells that I was bugged for paying that but...it's Vegas. I enjoy living life without the harsh confines of possible restrictions.
He tells me he will call once they finish. I tell him to ditch the massage and go straight to her room. He laughs, but says he doesn't think so. Despite his initial aggression, he sometimes gets passive after initial contact; whereas I am usually tame initially and my aggression escalates as time goes on.

I decide to grab something to eat. I find a gourmet burger restaurant. This restaurant has all kinds of hamburgers made from various meats: pork, beef, lamb, turkey, etc. They also have a great selection of beers. To start off I have an apple beer while I look over the menu. In lieu of my win, I decide to order a Kobe beef burger on ciabatta bread. I finish the apple beer in 2 minutes. The bartender tells me that they offer a better selection. This is a coy way of him saying I need to step my beer game up (laughs). Never one to back to down from a challenge, I go straight to the beers from Germany.

My uncle served 2 tours in Germany during the 80's. He would always remark about three things: Cleanliness, Beer, and Women. He would tell me stories where his German girlfriends behavior was damn near obsessive. They would drink with him, fight people with him (laughs), and sex him crazy. He would get excited reminiscing about his time in Germany. I tried to remember the name of the beer he always spoke about. He's been gone for a few years now and though we were not close, I miss him. When he got out of the Army to live with us for a few months when I was a child, I though he was the biggest man on earth. 6'4, 280 lbs of muscle. Baritone voice. Country boy through and through: he loved to eat, drink, fight, and chase women so much so that could have been his obituary. Most of all he loved his family. One of the guys he drank with noted how pretty my sister was once and he grabbed his Glock and chased the guy down the street. My father had to be called to calm him down because he wanted to kill the guy...and that was his friend. I often think about my uncle in an NFL uniform or in a boxing ring. His room at my Nana's house lined with trophies, metals, and athletic awards. I think if he had received the guidance at a young age his story would have ended differently.

Doppelbock. That is the name of the beer. I order a Doppelbock to pay homage to my uncle. I have yet to enjoy the life of the Deutsch, but at least with this beer I will give my uncle his moment. The beer is corked. The bartender must uncork the beer before I can drink it. The alcohol content is about 12%. At this point two girls are seated on my left and everyone else is looking at the spectacle that is a beer. I take a sip: it tastes like a Guinness syrup. The girls want to know how it tastes. I tell them it is good, just very strong. They introduce themselves as: Liz* and Hailey*. Liz lives in San Diego, Hailey lives in Vegas. Hailey is the better looking, but Liz is the most personable. Hailey has a boyfriend (damn), Liz does not. I lay on the charm and discover Liz is a buyer for a department store. I inquire about the Barney's limited edition converse and she gives me a number of someone in NY to contact Monday. Out of the blue, Hailey declares that she likes me and I am cool. Guess I passed the test. They whisper for awhile, then my phone rings: Diddy.

Diddy informs me that he is at the Wynn receiving a deep-tissue massage with Janelle. Janelle was concerned that I was lonely and wanted to check on me. I tell him that I won my bets, unpacked my bags, and I am now enjoying the companies of two ladies. He says, "Damn, I guess you winning?", I reply, "that's what I do. Win.". He tells me he'll call me when he finishes.

I tell the girls it was Diddy. They vocalize their initial concerns why I was alone. They though I was with a female. After small talk, Liz gives me her number and asks me to call them tonight to hang out. Yeah, that usually turns out well for me. Hailey mentioned getting my opinion on some lingerie she bought and Liz casually mentioned that she had never dated a Black guy. Guess my luck has changed.

The girls give me hugs with promises to call me tonight for fun. I continue my conversation with a couple sitting to my right. We have an enlightened conversation about marriage, careers, children, and love. I thank them, pay my tab, then head back to the room.

I lay down for a minute to allow my body to enjoy a $50 dollar hamburger. I am confused if the past few days have been a fallacy or reality. I no longer have the urge to hit the club every night, sleep with every Beyonce/Kenya Moore doppelganger, drink like fish, or smoke like a train, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the pasture that is suburban cookouts, khakis, and conformity.

Diddy calls to tell me that he and Janelle went back to her room. He notes how soft and curvy her body was. The type of body that makes men end up with 7 kids and neurotic habits. She gave him head that was mind-blowing (pun intended). Just when he was about to lay her, her boss calls...

Continue the rest of the Bond Experience here.

Presents: Christmas Comes Early

So I have a few presents for my fellow bloggers, followers, secret crushes, and lovers (just kidding). Christmas is coming early for you!!!! Yeaaaa, um ok.

So I have been a busy little Diva. I've been on my grown-up stuff, so I haven't had much time for foolery, but I have had the pleasure of dropping a fun post over at True's spot What DC People Hate. She is pretty much raw & un-cut and says how she feels, but oh, so funny!!! Check her out, and follow her on twitter.

I didn't reveal all of my secrets, but I did drop a few hints on how to maximize multiple dates in one day!

Oh, and guess what, my gift-giving isn't over yet. I have something extremely fun in the works, that will shed a little more insight on what I do, when I'm not dating. Stay close to your BB's, cause I will be revealing it soon!

Stay dry.

Diva

Quickie Weekend Update, No Babies Allowed

I've been slacking, I know...

This weekend was wet, not completely organized...both nights

Last week Mr. Henry and I had sex a few times and the guest post I wrote over at Single Sisters Speak Out is kinda related. By the way I still haven't had the big O. A good friend of mine had a good conversation about orgasms and sex, and basically, I have to keep at it...

More later, under the gun at work

HELL DATE: Case of the Jolly Green Giant

I'm not the only one who has had O-M-G dates...a date with the Jolly Green Giant, according to P.O.W.



I’m baaack!!

Diva has asked me to write about one my dating experiences before we hit Vegas!!! I’ve decided to tell you the tale of the day I met George Foreman.

I don’t do blind dates. I always thought hook-ups were scary and un-natural. You might end up spending three horrid hours with somebody like Flavor-Flav or ODB (RIP). Nevertheless, I broke my rule one time and I will never do it again.

I have a friend who has a gorgeous husband. Tall and dark like I like them. He has a good career and he is a wonderful father and husband. They have the life I planned for myself. One day I’m over there for a play date with the kids and the “Gorgeous Husband” asked me if I would like to meet his cousin. I asked all the basic questions. Age? Kids? Career? Extra toes? He was Gorgeous Husband’s first cousin so I’m thinking they may have some kind of resemblance, against my better judgment I agreed to the date.

Cousin called me the day before the date. His voice was somewhat hard to read. It could go either way. He seemed nice enough though. We talked about general things. I was cooking at the time and my George Foreman Grill was acting up (remember this for later). We made plans to meet at his favorite restaurant with flair.

I get there first so I can check out the scene in case I need to flee. He told me he would have on a green jacket. I order an Ultimate Long Island to prepare myself for the worst.

In walks this 6’ 3” person in a Boston Celtics outfit from head to toe, looking like the Jolly Green giant. And when I say head to toe I mean head to toe. Hat, jacket, t-shirt, pants, and shoes. Green. I assume this is not my date because he said green jacket so I continue to drink my drink. Boston Celtic sits down and I almost choke.

I want to pre-warn you. I am usually a very nice person and I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m gonna keep real with yall…He was busted. Tore up from the floor up. A mud duck. A beast. He was cock-eyed, his teeth were yellow and his voice was annoying. He kept laughing at his own jokes. He told me I had the best cleavage in the whole city. He asked me did I think his outfit was fresh. Fresh yall, Fresh. Who does that?

I struggle through the dinner trying to be polite as I could be. At the end, he asked me to meet him at his truck. I’m thinking Hell No! You’re not going to hit me over the head and drag me home. I might wake up dressed like you. No way buddy…but against my better judgment, I went.

He pulls out this big bag from Target. In it is a new George Foreman Grill. He tells me he heard me complaining about mine and figured I could use a new one so I could cook his favorite meal. Okay so most people will say this was a sweet gesture but I felt like it was kinda creepy…who does that?

P.O.W.

Romantic & Random = A+

I told you guys I had a few treats for you today. Yes the first one was my guest post over at SSSO. If you haven't checked them out, do so. And my second treat is another guest post right here! Today, I introduce you to Tunde from Like A Dream. He is random, but I love it. And apparently he's a romantic too! (I didn't get the memo until late last night). Maybe I should play cupid and start some love connections!
Enjoy,
Diva
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Thanks Diva for allowing me to grace your page with one of my dating experiences.



*** On my blog I write about my dreams or random events that I experience and I rarely blog about my love life. I do this because too many people actually read my blog that know me personally and I’m a little too private for that. When DCDiva asked me to do a guest post I couldn’t turn down the opportunity because I have a myriad of experiences when it comes to dating. ***


While in undergrad I had one consistent girlfriend (Tonya). Our junior year in college my ex wanted us to go this Valentine’s Day ball on campus. I didn’t want to go because I thought that shit was going to be lame I had a surprise in store that I needed to plan for. So I told her the week of Valentine’s Day that I wasn’t going to be able to go and made up some lame excuse. Needless to say she was pissed and called herself not talking to me the entire day of.


Of course her friends were in on my plan. So they told Tonya that they would go with instead to the ball. I know for a fact that during the evening there was a full fledged Tunde male-bashing session. So the whole day I’m running around getting things ready for that night. So after the ball I asked her to come by my house. Of course she was still upset with me till I handed her a 3x5 index card. On in it said: “This is your Valentine’s Day present. Since you didn’t have faith in me you’re going to have to work for it. Now begins the scavenger hunt. First clue: My favorite movie”. I placed her next clue (another card) in the inside of a dvd case of my favorite movie at the time, Se7en. This next clue said: “Man I’m really hungry I should fix myself something to eat.” Her next clue was taped to the inside of the oven door. This went on for about 4 more clues which led her closer and closer to her final destination. She ended up back at her room and found her gifts there (her friends helped me put them there).


Needless to say she felt kind of dumb for bad mouthing me and thinking that I really didn’t have anything planned for Valentine’s Day. Yeah that night I was glad I didn’t have a roommate.

Don't Put A Ring On It!!!

Wow! There is so much going on, I don't know where to begin? I have a few treats for you, plus 2 days till Vegas! Yea!!!

So recently I had the pleasure (I'm getting a lot of pleasure lately....hmmmm) of gracing the page of Single Sister's Speak Out. If you haven't stopped by there, please do so. The ladies and token gent (just kidding Peyso, you rock) talk about everything from relationships to health, and today is not the day to put a ring on it! (according to my post)

Enjoy and thanks sooooo much Jac.

Diva

Like Attracts Like

I like controversy, rather articles that make you think? You can agree to disagree, but my political advisor (I like that!) allowed me to write another article on his blog over at www.bluestoneblog.com. I love the fact that he (Kevin) is allowing me to grace his page. Check it out & start the commentary!!

Diva

One Year Anniversary - The Take Over

Introducing P.O.W…..

For those of you that do not know me, I am P.O.W, Diva’s BFF. I want to take this opportunity to thank you, Diva, for being such a caring, giving, loving and understanding BFF. I don’t think I could have made it this far without you.

Anyway, I am taking over Diva’s Blogspot to celebrate her One Year Blogoversary. Yes, can you believe it? It has been one year since Diva first graced us with her witty commentary and horrid dates. This year has been filled with highs, lows, smiles, cries, joys and toolery. We all have our favorite Diva moments, but I’m going to share some moments Diva did not share with you….and Diva you better post them. DO NOT EDIT!!!!!

P.O.W.’s Top Five Most Memorable Diva Moments


5. August 2001, Divaland University, The Case of the Vandalized Car

Diva got extremely inebriated and danced on the roof of her car at a neighborhood block party. The next morning she is screaming and yelling about somebody vandalizing her car. We politely told her "you did it, don't you remember"? To this day, she still doesn’t believe she was the cause of the butt print indent in her roof.

Oh yeah, and I think we made up a drunk song that night!


4. July 2001 Detroit, MI, Happy Birthday to Me!!!

There was a lot of debauchery going on for my 21st birthday. After playing truth or dare, and tons of Bacardi, I can’t find Diva so I go looking for her. She’s on the porch, "buckkid nekkid". Why? I don’t know. You have to ask her that question, but also remember I woke up at 7am looking for the liquor trying to erase the memory of the sins from the night before.


3. October 2001 Divaland University, Three Strikes You’re Out

Diva has an ex-boyfriend whose name we shall not mention. We all have a relationship that we would rather forget, a momentary lapse in judgment. This guy was Diva’s lapse. Diva and I lived in a town house with another roommate, I’ll call her Breezy. “The name we shall not mention” moved in with us (1st strike). He didn’t have a job (2nd strike). He had a big screen TV that he rented from Rent-a-Center (how & why I don't know) we kept in the living room. One day while Diva was at work, Breezy and I were watching TV. TNWSNM came in and turned the channel (3rd strike). He made a big deal about it being HIS television. Breezy politely unplugged the TV and pushed all 52’ inches on to the patio. She told him to see how well he watched his TV on the corner.

I don't remember what happened after that, but this was the same guy Diva & Breezy tried to collect the "reward" money on a month or so later. Rightfully so, I might add!


2. September 2008, Washington D.C. - Sour Sauce

Diva and I went on a double date with Island Prince and his friend Willard. It was a beautiful date with lots of food, liquor, and dancing. Anytime liquor is involved, we either don’t remember or wish we couldn’t remember what happened the next day. This time was no exception.

Somehow, Diva’s bedside table got broke and her bathroom was destroyed *cough islandprince&diva cough*. It must have been an incredible evening because the boys woke up the next day cooking and cleaning!


1. Later, September 2008, NYC - Smooches

Diva spends the evening with Island Prince in New York. That night IP’s brother kisses her. She wakes up with two men in her bed….I’ll let her tell the rest

Love ya Diva!!!! Can't wait for Vegas...

P.O.W

What Exactly Is Dating?

I had the pleasure of writing an article over at Bluestone Blog again! This time I tackled the ever elusive definitions of dating. Be sure to check it out and check out Kevin's pov on the latest in politics & social injustice's.

Diva

200th Post The Swap: Gross Generalizations I Know

Today is the 200th post here and it's time to shake things up. I want to introduce you to a non PC, single black male dater in the DC area. He's a straight shooter, who blogs about everything from sex to movies, to the do's & maybe nots of fwb relationships. He proves to us, that women aren't the only one's who suffer through horrible, someone please come save me dates. I bring to you, Dr. J of The Book of Jackson.


Gross Generalizations I Know by Dr. J

Decided to do a blog swap this week and let Diva take the reins over at TBJ and I would do something on her blog. It never gets boring, but sometimes we all need a change of pace. So this seemed like a viable solution, anyway I'm glad I was able to stop through and show some love.

I am often accused of being bougie, I still don’t know what that means. Most times it’s used to describe my actions, or my insisting on doing things that are probably unnecessary to them, but are necessary to me. An example would be, I go out to eat a lot, sometimes by myself, I will put my entire evening on hold to have a sit down meal because I do not like to rush when eating. I also think places like Chili’s, Friday’s, Ruby Tuesday’s, etc. should never be the location of any meal that I’m having alone or with the company of a young lady. It’s just so common.

I should have known that Never Again and I were not compatible from the beginning because of the circumstances of which I came to meet her. I met her; 1) At a club, 2) I was drunk, 3) She kept asking me for my statistics, and 4) She was wearing a body suit, maybe cat suit is more appropriate. I decided to take the girl out because I’m not really good with phone conversations, so I suggest a weekday evening, at a small off the strip type place called, Perry’s. BEFORE, we went there, I told her, this is one of my sushi spots and I come here often because I know a lot of the staff and they know exactly what I like. (You see how I gave her a clue that this establishment and me already had an existing relationship?) BEFORE, we went there, against my better judgment I told her a lot about the place and the clientele because I’ve been on a few dates lately where the shorty was just tremendously inappropriately dressed or didn’t know what to expect. So I basically was like, it’s a rooftop jumpoff with a young, hip, typical Adams Morgan crowd. BEFORE, we get there I told her that although I usually am seated as soon as I arrive, I’m making reservations that way there will be no need to wait, and I’m making them for 8PM.

FFWD: At 8:15PM, I send her a text that says, “Did you fall in?” She replies, “LOL, no I’m heading out now. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” (Dique.) To myself, I’m like plus you have to find parking, plus you’ve never been here before and it’s not easy to find. You’ll be here at 9PM. But I’m like, nah chill Doc, you’ve been told a lot lately that you need to chill on your expectations that females be on time. She shows up at 9PM… She has on an Ed Hardy tee shirt, and like a dress that looked like overalls, and a pair of pumps. I thought that perhaps she planned on going to Love afterwards. I’m already on edge, but I’m patient.

During our meal and conversation, here are the highlights;
1) She has no clue or interest about politics. If Obama was not Black she probably wouldn’t know anyone who was running for President.
2) She hates how people act all “bougie” and stuck up when they come to places like the place we were at. (I think by bougie she meant speaking in a low voice because only the people at your table need to hear you.)
3) She kept ordering Crown Royal because she couldn’t figure out any of the other specialty drinks and she didn’t want anyone putting anything in her drink.
4) She insisted that we check out Evolve after because they have tight music and she knows a couple of the guys who promote there. (It’s a weekday and I’m in a shirt and tie. No bueno)

I took away a few things from this encounter. Gross generalizations I know… if you want to be treated with respect, be respectable. She was well mannered and very appreciative for everything, but she just didn’t get it. It’s like she missed the bus and it won’t be back for a long time. (Sidenote, one of my friends insisted that the issue was she was from PG County and not Mont. County where girls with class live.) Be on time, be appropriately dressed, adhere to some social norms, and most of all feel out the temperament of the person you are with before jumping off the deep end. Her biggest weakness in all of this was that she kept telling me I was acting bougie and reserved and she never noticed that maybe that’s how I am, and the rest of the restaurant was too. She stood out so much to the point that the next time I went to Perry’s as soon as I walked in the manager was like, “Who was that you came here with the last time?!”

And you know I started dreading that meal and the fact that I’d have to pay for it at 8:15PM, and she did nothing to pull herself from the hole that she had dug. Leaving that date, I had no interest in pursuing anything else with her. What I will tell you is that, I could write a book on the amount of bad dates I’ve had exactly like this one. And lastly, the problems expressed in this post, are recurring problems with several of the dates. This should be a topic for the next, For Sisters Only concert at the Convention Center.

Dating Is Mostly About Probability

KBB also know as Kevin, was gracious enough to allow me to write a piece for his blog at Bluestone Blog. Kevin blogs insight-fully about current issues such as politics and social injustices affecting us in today's society.

The first of my series (of hopefully many) is about the probability of dating. Check the article out!

Thanks.

Diva