Monday, November 23, 2009

Friday Night Date: Ummm How Old Are You?

How can I say this nicely...his cons definitely outweighs his pros.

My date on Friday, sigh. First let me say this. There are some disclaimers and information one should reveal about themselves within the first few conversations. I know some people will disagree with me, but, my date definitely was pulling the “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” on me on Friday.

First - I was surprised by his appearance. I mean that in the nicest way. I just simply forgot what he looked liked. I’m standing at Borders, waiting for him to appear, and I’m watching all the young attractive professionals walk by. One in particular was quite yummy. And low & behold, someone’s grandpa sneaks up behind me and gives me a hug.....oh wait, it was my date!, what can I say??? I’m sure he could have been a cutie in his heyday, but well right now, he was a cross between Ben Franklin & John McCain (ok, I kid, I kid....but still)...

Second - Our date started out quite early for a Friday, and it went into the wee hour of 1am. I didn’t uphold my own two-hour rule. But in my defense, it was hard, because he wanted to take me around the World D.C. to all of his favorite spots. We started off by stopping at a shop to get items that we would need for the second portion of the date (get your minds out the gutter), then we headed to at a private members only club and had drinks and dinner. He showed me around, and we talked politics, work, etc. His first surprise came at ohhh about half-way through the first bottle of wine. He has three kids. Now I’m not one to discriminate against people with children, in fact I did date the Old Man who had two sons my age. I never made an issue of it. But well Grant has three moochers teenagers who happen to live with him. Now something about all of this info coming out, after I’m pretty much stuck at dinner, is fishy. Ok, you have three kids that live with you??? Hmmmmm.

Me: So I take it you’ve been married

Grant: I’m separated

Ahhhh, the moment of truth, this old fart is still married, and is obviously living with wifey and the kids. (Separated my ass) At this point he didn’t offer up anymore information. I didn’t feel like probing him, because I already decided this will be our first & last date, and since he was obviously not going to volunteer the pertinent information needed, I had no choice but to draw my own conclusion.

Third - The thing, that bothered me the most, aside from the fact that he had three and a possible on his payroll, was the fact that he was a big fat faker. I mean, he was so fake, you look up fake, and his picture appeared in color. How so? He was flashy, he was fronting, he kept bragging. He wanted me to know that he was well off. Everything came back to his job & where he went to school at. He kept saying “this is the life”, “we are living the life of luxury”. Newsflash papa, smoking cheap cigars, and eating $15.00 dinner specials are not the life of luxury in my book. Yes, we are fortunate, but stop-it. He kept telling me how he liked the finer things in life, so I decided to pull his card.

Me: Oh, you must really travel a lot, where have you been?

Grant: Oh St. Lucia and Greece

Me: Wow, Greece? When was the last time you’ve been there

Grant: Oh about 10 years ago

Me: So that’s it?

Grant: Well, ummm I like to go skiing, and I go to Lake Tahoe. So where have you been?

Me: Ohh, I’ve been to France, Belgium, Germany, London, Jamaica, the D.R., I think Jamaica was my favorite though

The look was a Kodak moment...

Oh, wait-to top it all off. He lost major points when he told me he was a in a nut-shell, that was my date with Ben Franklin...

Friday, November 20, 2009

Unexpected Option (Part 2 of 2)

Sooo, I know part 2 is a day or so late. So much, yet so little is going on. So Friday ended with Jason and I parting ways. The weekend was simple. I had business stuff to take care of, Mr. Henry was dropping hints about “coming” over and quite frankly, I’ve just been in “chill” mode.
Monday, was very, very interesting. A few things happened, first I received a call from “Grant” a new guy that I’m going on a date with tonight. He called me on Monday to see if I wanted to go on a date on Tuesday. Last minute eh? I told him I was busy, and that Friday would work best for me (all I did on Tuesday was go to the gym, but he didn’t need that info).

Second, Mr. Henry called me to see if I wanted to go to the gym with him. (he likes to watch me on the treadmill) I declined, and told him, I was going to Pilates.

Third, I text Jason to see if he was going home next week for Thanksgiving. A few texts and a conversation later, I’m at his place taking my clothes off, just kidding!!! We decided to catch a movie yes I know we just seen one on Friday run an errand, and grab an impromptu bite to eat.

The whole time we are joking with each other and just having a good time. The weather is nice, we are both in a good mood, and he drove, so I had a chance to just be. We make it to the movie just as it’s starting, so we sat up front. Throughout the movie, we make little comments to each other, at one point he grabs my hand, and is rubbing it, playing with it, interlacing our fingers.

The movie gets deep.

My gaze is transfixed on the screen.

I’m trying to hold it back.

Diva’s don’t cry A few silent tears escape.

Jason reaches over and rubs the tears off my face. And holds my hands tighter.

Jason (whispering): Aweee are you crying, it’s ok. Don’t cry.

Me: No, I’m not crying. It’s your breath, it has me in tears. I told you not to say words that begin with ahhh

Jason: (Laughing) Whatever.

After the movie, we talk about it, and head back to his place. A few things to note about our outing:

1) While we were eating, he asked me about Brian. I almost forgot I told him, I had a crush on him. We had a conversation

2) He’s such a F’n gentleman, opens car doors, front doors, just doors in general, let’s me walk in first, walks me to the truck, pushes me out of the way, so cars won’t hit me. You almost forget to expect “gentlemanly behavior”.

3) The verdict is out...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Unexpected Options (Part 1 of 2)

An unexpected option may surprise you. Jason. Remember him. Kinda movie buddy, former co-worker. Well he ended up being my Friday option this weekend. Imagine, it was Friday, wet & rainy, and mother nature was kicking my ass, but I didn't want to stay in, despite my uterus feeling like a semi was hitting it over, and over, and over. I went & had a drink in Adams Morgan and sent a few texts. I almost forgot about Jason being somewhat of a homebody, but willing to "chill". I sent him a text to see what he was doing. We ended up setting up a last minute thing for the movies.

Around 10pm, I meet him, and the theatre is PACKED. We made it just in time to see our movie. Throughout it, we are laughing and making stupid jokes to each other. He grabs my hand, and we we end up holding hands most of the movie, the other part my hand is on his thigh. After the movie, we kind of walk arm in arm to my truck.

The awkward moment commences. You know the moment...

he walks me to the truck,

we stand there for a sec, he realizes he's parked one floor up and asks for a ride to his truck.

We find his truck, and I pull out the way to let him out.

He lingers for a second and tells me what a great time he had, I tell him likewise.

The car behind us goes around.

I look in my rearview.

I open my arms & give him a hug and tell him I'll see him later.

He gets out.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Vegas, According To Bond (Guest Post)

I read and lurk on a lot of blogs. I present to you Bond. Black Bond. It just so happened that Bond & I were in Vegas the same weekend; extremely unknowingly close. And, it just so happened, that we may have stayed in the same hotel for a day or so!!! In anycase, I’m not spilling the beans on what happened with me & POW in Vegas. Atleast not yet. However, you should enjoy the Bond Experience.

(This is the finale for the Vegas series. I was there for another night, but it was uneventful as I was there alone. I know each post was lengthy and I took awhile to finish, but I wanted to be as descriptive and authentic as I could be. I will be back to 'normal' blogs from this point. At least until the next series--Bond)

Starring: The Black Bond
Co-Starring: Diddy
Guess Starring: Latino Mami(s), The Texas Girls, The Beckys, D list celebrities, retired athlete, Pop starlet, random video vixen/jersey chasers, etc.
Location: VEGAS!

Soundtrack courtesy of The Black Bond iPod

"Run This Town", "F*ck All Night", "Excuse Me Miss" by Jay-Z
"Money to Blow", "Still Fly", "Ransom", "Stunt Hard" by Drake
"Never Get It", "H*es" by Lil' Wayne
"First Day Out" by Gucci Mane (AYE!)
"3 in the morning" by UGK
"PWA" by 5th ward boyz
"Hey Ma (remix)" by Cam'Ron
"Bubble Music" by Cam'Ron
"Bad Whiskey (Wavy)" by Max B

"The Game is ours
we'll never foul out...
Y'all just better hope
we gracefully bow out"--Sean Carter, Do It Again, Vol. 3

Diddy gets a call from a gamer in ATL. A gamer is what we call a female player. She usually has the face of an angel, body of a goddess, personality of a jester, and the aura of a queen. When I was in college and I would be in cities like Atlanta, Houston, D.C., etc. they were frequent. Now I see more clucks than a little. I think people in general just are not what they used to be.

Anyway, this particular gamer is calling Diddy about a business opportunity. He puts his phone on speaker to let me hear her slick talk. She is selling a product called a body wrap*. She has a practical monopoly from Atlanta to Houston with this product and she wants to expand to Los Angeles. She boasts that she has made $15,000 in one month. She wants Diddy and whoever he knows (i.e. Me & J) to put some money up for her to expand or to take the body wrap to our respective cities of origin/residence. The money sounds good, but I'm a guy--what the hell do I look like selling body wraps to women?!

She goes in about how when she was in Vegas a guy noticed her ass (yeah, that'll do it) and put her up in a penthouse. He lives in L.A. but she hasn't had a chance to break him. She's not about sex, she says it takes a check to get her wet. Hilarious...but I love it; reminds me of one of my lines. Diddy tells her he will hear her out, types in the dates she will be in L.A. then hangs up.

I go through my wager slips to see if there are any I have overlooked. Damn. I notice all of the money I lost; moreover, the money I lost out on. I find two slips that seem to be live: 8-team parlay cards with one game left for Ole Miss. Win potential: $1100 dollars. I think my luck is about to change.

Diddy texts the Italian girl, her name is Janelle*. She works for a publishing and media company on the east coast. She was in Vegas initially for business, but decided to go out Saturday. I instruct him on what to say. She comes across as a woman who is susceptible to flattery. She eventually stops texting and calls after one of his (my) lines intrigue her. She wants to meet us at the infamous pool party that takes place at the Hard Rock every Sunday. She has passes & VIP, however, we must go now to take advantage.

I tell Diddy I will meet him at the Hard Rock. I do not want to be a third wheel and I want to see if I will win these bets. I also need to pack because I cannot stand being at this hotel any longer than I have to. I tell him to call me once he gets in line. He tells me that Fabolous was at a club inside the Bellagio last night called The Bank, and we probably could have gone in with me in jeans and a t-shirt. I don't think he realizes that I am impartial.

Diddy leaves and I turn the television to ESPN to see the Ole Miss game. Ole Miss is winning, however, they are not covering the spread. Damn. I'm about to be depressed all over again. I send out a few texts to see if anybody else had any luck yesterday. The next thing I know, Ole Miss bounces back to score 28 points in the 4th quarter. I win. Guess my luck has changed.

I jump up to pack and take a shower. After I get dressed, I noticed Diddy has called. He says that the line to the pool party is around the block. The pool party was free until noon, however, the line will negate anybody getting in there by noon. I ask him about the passes, but her connect is no longer there...probably in the pool party. It turns out that T-pain and Fabolous will be at this pool party so it will be a concert as well as a party. I tell him to call me back when he finds out what the cover is.

I put on cargo shorts, polo shirt, and uptowns then head to my original hotel. On my way out there are men holding hands by the pool area. Pause.
I catch a cab to my hotel to check in. I walk into the lobby and there seems to be more people here than ever before. It seems like every time someone leaves Vegas, three people replace them. I ignore the line and walk directly to the attendant and inform her I have a reservation. She motions me to one of the people at the front desk. They place me on the 21st floor with a view of the strip. Guess my luck has improved.

After receiving my key card I walk to the sportsbook to collect my money. I see the Latino guy from Saturday, who asks me how my luck has been. I tell him it just got better: $1100 dollar parlay win. He says "shit! Damn homie, I need to do what you're doing". I give him dap then head upstairs to drop off my bags. Diddy calls to inform me that the cover is $100 dollars for guys, $50 dollars for females and it is already after noon. I tell him that I will be there, but he does not want to go, because he and Janelle decide to get massages. Now I see he is in impressive mode because he starts whispering asking me what type of massages are available and how much they cost. He wants to know what type of massage I had and how much it costs.
I tell him the massage was about $135 for a 60 minute session. He yells that I was bugged for paying that's Vegas. I enjoy living life without the harsh confines of possible restrictions.
He tells me he will call once they finish. I tell him to ditch the massage and go straight to her room. He laughs, but says he doesn't think so. Despite his initial aggression, he sometimes gets passive after initial contact; whereas I am usually tame initially and my aggression escalates as time goes on.

I decide to grab something to eat. I find a gourmet burger restaurant. This restaurant has all kinds of hamburgers made from various meats: pork, beef, lamb, turkey, etc. They also have a great selection of beers. To start off I have an apple beer while I look over the menu. In lieu of my win, I decide to order a Kobe beef burger on ciabatta bread. I finish the apple beer in 2 minutes. The bartender tells me that they offer a better selection. This is a coy way of him saying I need to step my beer game up (laughs). Never one to back to down from a challenge, I go straight to the beers from Germany.

My uncle served 2 tours in Germany during the 80's. He would always remark about three things: Cleanliness, Beer, and Women. He would tell me stories where his German girlfriends behavior was damn near obsessive. They would drink with him, fight people with him (laughs), and sex him crazy. He would get excited reminiscing about his time in Germany. I tried to remember the name of the beer he always spoke about. He's been gone for a few years now and though we were not close, I miss him. When he got out of the Army to live with us for a few months when I was a child, I though he was the biggest man on earth. 6'4, 280 lbs of muscle. Baritone voice. Country boy through and through: he loved to eat, drink, fight, and chase women so much so that could have been his obituary. Most of all he loved his family. One of the guys he drank with noted how pretty my sister was once and he grabbed his Glock and chased the guy down the street. My father had to be called to calm him down because he wanted to kill the guy...and that was his friend. I often think about my uncle in an NFL uniform or in a boxing ring. His room at my Nana's house lined with trophies, metals, and athletic awards. I think if he had received the guidance at a young age his story would have ended differently.

Doppelbock. That is the name of the beer. I order a Doppelbock to pay homage to my uncle. I have yet to enjoy the life of the Deutsch, but at least with this beer I will give my uncle his moment. The beer is corked. The bartender must uncork the beer before I can drink it. The alcohol content is about 12%. At this point two girls are seated on my left and everyone else is looking at the spectacle that is a beer. I take a sip: it tastes like a Guinness syrup. The girls want to know how it tastes. I tell them it is good, just very strong. They introduce themselves as: Liz* and Hailey*. Liz lives in San Diego, Hailey lives in Vegas. Hailey is the better looking, but Liz is the most personable. Hailey has a boyfriend (damn), Liz does not. I lay on the charm and discover Liz is a buyer for a department store. I inquire about the Barney's limited edition converse and she gives me a number of someone in NY to contact Monday. Out of the blue, Hailey declares that she likes me and I am cool. Guess I passed the test. They whisper for awhile, then my phone rings: Diddy.

Diddy informs me that he is at the Wynn receiving a deep-tissue massage with Janelle. Janelle was concerned that I was lonely and wanted to check on me. I tell him that I won my bets, unpacked my bags, and I am now enjoying the companies of two ladies. He says, "Damn, I guess you winning?", I reply, "that's what I do. Win.". He tells me he'll call me when he finishes.

I tell the girls it was Diddy. They vocalize their initial concerns why I was alone. They though I was with a female. After small talk, Liz gives me her number and asks me to call them tonight to hang out. Yeah, that usually turns out well for me. Hailey mentioned getting my opinion on some lingerie she bought and Liz casually mentioned that she had never dated a Black guy. Guess my luck has changed.

The girls give me hugs with promises to call me tonight for fun. I continue my conversation with a couple sitting to my right. We have an enlightened conversation about marriage, careers, children, and love. I thank them, pay my tab, then head back to the room.

I lay down for a minute to allow my body to enjoy a $50 dollar hamburger. I am confused if the past few days have been a fallacy or reality. I no longer have the urge to hit the club every night, sleep with every Beyonce/Kenya Moore doppelganger, drink like fish, or smoke like a train, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the pasture that is suburban cookouts, khakis, and conformity.

Diddy calls to tell me that he and Janelle went back to her room. He notes how soft and curvy her body was. The type of body that makes men end up with 7 kids and neurotic habits. She gave him head that was mind-blowing (pun intended). Just when he was about to lay her, her boss calls...

Continue the rest of the Bond Experience here.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Presents: Christmas Comes Early

So I have a few presents for my fellow bloggers, followers, secret crushes, and lovers (just kidding). Christmas is coming early for you!!!! Yeaaaa, um ok.

So I have been a busy little Diva. I've been on my grown-up stuff, so I haven't had much time for foolery, but I have had the pleasure of dropping a fun post over at True's spot What DC People Hate. She is pretty much raw & un-cut and says how she feels, but oh, so funny!!! Check her out, and follow her on twitter.

I didn't reveal all of my secrets, but I did drop a few hints on how to maximize multiple dates in one day!

Oh, and guess what, my gift-giving isn't over yet. I have something extremely fun in the works, that will shed a little more insight on what I do, when I'm not dating. Stay close to your BB's, cause I will be revealing it soon!

Stay dry.


Friday, November 6, 2009

60 days...

I can’t believe it! Two months until I officially leave behind my twenties. I’ve been feeling a little bit excited, nostalgic, and moody about it all. Actually, the age, rather word thirty, doesn’t quite scare me, as I don’t look a day over 25! However, the looming day ahead, has me analyzing my life and all of the things I have done, and haven’t done for that matter. I’ll admit, I have been somewhat of a slacker the last few years as it pertains to working, my career, and long-term life goals. I put a lot of that aside for partying and traveling the last few years. I do not regret it. Let me repeat that. I do not regret it.

The only thing I wish I was better at is saving, which I plan on being more diligent about. But well the partying and drinking, ehhh, I’m still in my twenties, and for me your 20’s (and ahem early thirties) are for partying and figuring life out. Maybe I’m pushing it a little, but you can’t change my mind on that.

I recently got back into the gym, because I want to bring in thirty with a BIG fabulous party and little sexy party dress, so I am cutting down on my extracurricular activities of vodka. Well I already started cutting down. Besides, I’ve been getting a bit bored lately with going out. I ventured out Wednesday night & last night, and have plans for tonight, but am thinking of “chilling”.

Speaking of “chilling”, guess who called me last night? (ok, not really related) The news broke on twitter first. Brian. I was in the shower and heard my phone. I thought it was a chick friend of mine calling me because I hadn’t made it to the watering hole yet. Instead it was him. I deleted his number in September because, our last conversation left me on the fence about our “friendship” ever being the same. Needless to say, I didn’t e-mail or call him, and lo-and behold, a missed call from his area code.

Speaking of out the blue calls/texts/flair messages and I miss you letters, I’ve been receiving quite a few of those lately. What is it with past flings re-surfacing? The saying holds true. "You never miss a good thing until it’s gone."

Monday, November 2, 2009

Quickie Weekend Update, No Babies Allowed

I've been slacking, I know...

This weekend was wet, not completely organized...both nights

Last week Mr. Henry and I had sex a few times and the guest post I wrote over at Single Sisters Speak Out is kinda related. By the way I still haven't had the big O. A good friend of mine had a good conversation about orgasms and sex, and basically, I have to keep at it...

More later, under the gun at work