Muffin's Dry Out...

What a crazy few weeks...

Let me just jump right in. A few weeks ago I had drunk sex with Jason. It was bad. Really bad, like do we do a "do-over" bad, or pretend it never happened bad? (I'm leaning towards pretend it never happened bad)

I'll admit, I was in a bad place so I can take 10% of the blame, but I thought, "drunk come and get it right now sex" was the best. Atleast that's been my experience in the past. I guess it was bad mainly because we were friends (atleast that's what I'd like to rationalize) and aside from the fact that his rocket launched too quick, (like waaaayyyyy too quick) the chemistry just wasn't there. We did it three times (same night)...but the landings always sucked.

Oh well, he was the re-bound guy, I hadn't had sex in like 2 months, we had been flirting back & forth & bam...


Things aren't THAT awkward though. We've talked since then and text back and forth. Friendship still intact...


I'll tell you what's awkward though....I ran into Klein....with another chick. It was so random and unexpected...it hit me like whoa. Like really, I didn't expect it. And get this, 48 hours later...

I run into his ass AGAIN! (not on purpose). He tried to give me a hug. He tried to make small-talk, and I was just so, like WTF, like I don't have anything to say. I mean really, what is there to say? I'll admit, I could have made an effort, but it would have been so forced.

DC is soooo small. Note to self: Do not date anyone that lives or works within a 3-block radius of me

In Other News:

I went on a really bad date a few weeks ago. Like, he had stalker potential. In fact, I think he tried to follow me home, because he let on that he knew what street I turned down after the date....and he lives in the opposite direction!!! He has called and text-stalked me...big huge red flags...


Brian text me out the blue this past weekend...he said he was just seeing how I was doing? Out the blue


School has me pretty busy, but I managed to findsome time to hang last week. Mr. H & I hung with PATT and a few of my friends on Friday for happy-hour, after 7 vodka drinks, and randomness at two bars, I was in a vodka induced sleep at home by 10pm. Saturday I dressed up & went out....


And now, I have to finish the semester on a good note...so I'll be M.I.A....again

When's The Last Time You've Been Tested???

- April 28th, 2010 - I'm negative for everything under the sun, including BS and I have proof -Diva

I remember in high school we took this health seminar, that was kind of a "scare you straight" moment. They showed graphic detailed pictures of every disease imaginable. I crossed my legs & vowed to keep my muffin box locked.
Well college happened, and let's just say, I shared my muffin a few times....but those pictures always lingered in my thoughts....which had me paranoid (even when I used prophylactics) so paranoid, that I decided to go cold turkey for long periods of time.

Last week the CDC released another HIV Study. It boggles me, how people are still getting the itchies, with all of the PSA's, posters, free condoms, etc. going on... Ummm here are a few DC specific stats:

• D.C.’s AIDS rate is higher than that of any U.S. state. DC AIDS rate is approximately 10 times that of the U.S. in general.
• D.C.’s AIDS rate is higher than these major cities: Baltimore, Philadelphia, New York City, Detroit, and Chicago.
• From 2004 to 2008, 3,312 new AIDS cases were diagnosed in D.C. African-Americans accounted for 86 percent of those cases.
• More people in D.C. are testing positive for HIV: From 2004 to 2008, the “number of persons testing positive” for HIV in D.C. increased by 353 percent, from 246 in 2004 to 1,115 in 2008. (via Wash City Paper)

                                                                                                         
Moral of the stats - WRAP it up or keep your snakes caged & muffin boxes closed

The Kitchen

So last night Klein spent the night...I went in. Maybe it was the vodka with white peach (tasty) or the fact that I have given it a lot of thought.

Me: Baby, I think you have hang-ups about sex and sexuality...

Klein: What are you talking about, where is this coming from???

Me: Well the other night when I wanted to suck your d*ck (yes I said that) you had an issue with it. Why?

Klein: I told you, it’s ok if we are going to have sex, but just to do it, just because...you’re better than that.

Me: But baby, if it’s something I want to do for you, and we are in a committed relationship, what’s wrong with that. Like, if I don’t do it, are you gonna go find someone else...

Klein: No. I wouldn’t do that.

Me: If we are in a relationship, there’s nothing wrong with me being a freak for you...like anything goes

Klein: Almost anything

Me: I’m your freak, so it’s ok

Klein: Why do you have those shorts on... (black little cheeky ones)

(I laughed and walk to the kitchen)

Me: Why are you following me

Klein: You know what you’re doing to me...

And let’s just say, in the kitchen, with the refrigerator door wide open, he got the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich (uhhh a BJ for the slow folks) ever......

Afterwards, we laid in bed and talked about his sex hang-ups and where they came from...after he told me, it made a little more sense, but I still think it’s an age and experience thing.

A Little More TMI...OK Too Much TMI

Yes...it’s true we are back together (almost 2 weeks now). Long story short, in his mind, we never broke up. He came over one day as if all was right with the world and the Celtics won (like how I slipped that in)... anyways, we talked, blah, blah, blah and made up. The next day we had make-up sex. (he was on time-out that night, and thus had to work really really hard for it).



Oh yeah, that same day, his sister wanted to talk to me and thank me for being there during the whole mom thing and to tell me what a great, fabulous person I am, and how I am the sun, moon and stars to Klein (ok...she didn’t say moon, but you know...I’m really terrific and such)

Speaking of talking to the family members, his mom wanted to talk to me yesterday, to express the same sentiment and to invite me to see her. Hmmm, what can I say, they heart me!

Ok, so here’s where the confusion comes in about talking to the one eyed monster. We are laying in bed, cuddling, and he knows I’ve been riding the crimson tide...but his one eyed monster won’t go to sleep, and kept poking me....no matter where I moved.

Me: Baby go to sleep


Klein: I can’t...I’m trying. You make me so horny.


Me: You want me to talk to him


Klein: Yes

(I kiss him, Klein moans...I get ready to do a little more...)

Klein: Baby no.

Me: Why not? (IN MY HEAD: ...what the eff? I’m tired and I want you to stop grinding on me cause I wanna go to sleep...so I need to make sure your Johnson stops poking me)


Klein: Because we can’t have sex.


Me: I know, but I want you to come, so we (really me) can go to sleep.

Klein: You’re my girlfriend, and I don’t want to...

(I cut him off)

Me: I’m not gonna let you come in my mouth


Klein: No, you’re special. I love you and you mean a lot to me. I don’t want you to blow him, unless it’s immediately followed by us making love.

Me: Why, I don’t get it. If I’m your girlfriend, and we are in a monogamous relationship, and I want to...

Klein: Because you’re special...if it’s some random chick I don’t care about, I’d let her and go to sleep, but I respect and love you...


Me: But I’d let you please me all you want, and we don’t have to have sex afterwards...


Klein: Come here, I love you. (he kissed me, and pulled me close)


Me: (laying there wide awake, like- wow...hmmmmmm.....I’ve never had a significant other to turn down a free and clear “you’re not obligated to return the favor spit-shine, because it’s that time of month, and this is a once in a life-time gift”....what really began to boggle me as I was laying there, was how he has me up on this pedestal. One day last week, as we were playing hokey pokey, (girl on top) he was saying stuff like “oooh, you’re such a freak”.... but I was confused, because I didn’t see what was so freaky about a perfectly normal position. It wasn’t like I asked him to tie me up or handcuff and blindfold me on the balcony


So...he’s ultra conservative in the bedroom, unless he’s oral communicating with me...what happens when the sex gets blah 6 months from, and I want to do some “spicy” things.... I mean I go from Mr. H, who liked me to slap him and spit on him, to Klein, who thinks playing polo is super freaky.

Ok, I know this was TMI...but I was really confused by the whole, no slob the knob thing

Weekend Update: F'N Wagons

I spoke too soon. Me going without vodka, is akin to me not breathing. It doesn’t make since. Suffice it to say, I fell this weekend. Hard. Damn Wagon. Oh, and while we’re at it. I might as well make my other confession. I seen it coming a week or so ago, when we hung out, and I held out. All this weekend he continued to wear me down. I tried to be strong, I did. But, when he asked me to wear my “tall black boots” I knew I was doomed. He tried to pull out all the stops too, candles, full body massage, extra foreplay....Mr. H, Mr. H. Don’t ask me what we are doing. Even I don’t know at this point. It’s like a really good shoe sale, you know you need to walk away, but you can’t. You’re addicted to shoe shopping....sorry that’s the only metaphor that I could think of!


In Other News

I’m thinking about going to New Orleans. Brian and I texted and talked Friday, and he suggested it, since my birthday plans aren’t really going as planned. Small little secret. I’m scared as shit. I haven’t seen him since this summer, and well. We talk, but neither one of us have talked about THIS.

REPOST: P.S.A: Shedding Light on Scary Words

I originally posted this in March, today seems appropriate to re-post.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's time for another P.S.A. Don't skim, read it. Damn it." - Diva


There aren’t too many things that scare me. Spiders, nope. Monsters under my bed...nope. Having dreams about running in a naked marathon...not so much. But who knew that there would be three words, (sometimes four) that scare me. Or rather three acronyms.

Last week, and the week before last, I was obsessed. I tend to do it atleast twice a year. Stay up surfing the net, googling, and reading all of the latest info. Then talking to the nurse about new statistics...Diva, what are you talking about??? HIV, AID's, STD’s. Yep, those words scare the shit out of me and it boggles me, why they don’t scare other people. I mean, I would have to question someone who is more worried about getting preggers (or getting someone preggers) than catching one of these three letter words. Or maybe they do scare people so much, they can’t even bring themselves to utter the said word. So lets say it: HIV, AID's, STD's...

I remember the first time I went to get tested. My gosh, it was the longest 3 minutes and the longest week of my life.

I go into the center and am the only person there. This attractive counselor meets me and starts asking me all kinds of questions?

Him: Do you use needles

(In my head) - Do I look like I use needles?

Me: No

Him: Do you have multiple partners

(In my head) - How dare he?

Me: No, I’m celibate

Him: Have you engaged in sex with men, women or both?

(In my head) - WTF???

Me: Men

The questions went on & on. Then we did the oral swab (OraSure) and it was done. Just like that. But not quite. I had to wait almost one week for my results. That was the LONGEST week of my life. Someone calls me from the office, “can’t you just tell me over the phone?” - no, it’s policy, you have to come in, the voice replies.

I go in, and am forced to wait in the office. Then I’m called to a smaller room.

My heart stops beating. I can barely move. I feel like I could pass out at any moment.

The same counselor that did the swab is reading something to me. I don’t know, I can’t hear. My eyes are blurry...then he hands me the paper.

Him: Are you ok?

Me: Yes, I was just scared?

Him: Well you are ok, you’re negative. In my eight years of working here, I can count on one hand how many times I had to give bad news, and they were extreme cases. Just be sure to be safe, use protection and to get tested every 6 months to a year.

My heart started beating again. That was the year I stayed celibate. I was so utterly terrified, scared, and petrified of those scary acronyms...


Educate yourselves, use protection, get tested.

Start here:
http://www.avert.org/america.htm
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/stds-hiv-safer-sex-101.htm
http://www.aids.gov/
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#hivest


(The fourth scary word is unrelated, another blog another time)

Quickie Weekend Update, No Babies Allowed

I've been slacking, I know...

This weekend was wet, not completely organized...both nights

Last week Mr. Henry and I had sex a few times and the guest post I wrote over at Single Sisters Speak Out is kinda related. By the way I still haven't had the big O. A good friend of mine had a good conversation about orgasms and sex, and basically, I have to keep at it...

More later, under the gun at work

I Think He Reads My Blog

I think Mr. Henry reads my blog. Last night he spent the night (btw, he’s still there) and we were fooling around, and he was taking pics of me, yeah I know what I said yesterday. Pictures are different from video footage, it was artistic still photographs! Anyways, he said he wants to format one of them so I can put it on my blog.



(PAUSE)


I told him a long time ago I have a blog and I blog about him, but now I’m wondering if he reads it. If he does, I think he will somewhat approve, because he’s a freak. Extrovert.

Updates on Vegas coming. I promise.


2 days until the DR!!!

Fetish Or Just Freaky???

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The Weekend Update: Sexpectations...

After 6 weeks of not having any sexual stimulation (besides my weekly visits to pornhub) I had (safe) sex on Saturday. Let me re-phrase that, I had safe wack sex on Saturday. It was so wack I was mad. It was so wack, I contemplated all of the things I could have done. It was so über wack, after I kicked him out, I was up pondering what it is I want (from the male homo-sapien species). I always come back to the same conclusion. I want Great (AMAZING) monogamous safe sex, with someone who is hot, with occasional exchanges of witty banter and some chemistry, without the emotional attachment (right now), oh and to go out occasionally and that’s it. It’s possible. I’ve done it before. I recall some amazing times in college, and a few not too long ago. I don’t think I’m asking for too much (ok, maybe a little, but still). I just can’t do the emotional thing right now. I really can’t.

Yes, I know, it’s a slippery slippery slope, but there are things not related to dating, that I need to work on, and if I add developing a ball & chain relationship to the stack, well it just doesn’t sound appealing nor does it work in my favor. See I have a list of things I want to do, and I can’t really do these things AND develop something special and exciting with a potential...but am I supposed to suffer sexually, for wanting to work on my life??? Like isn’t it enough I hate my part-time job (yes, I know, I only have to suffer 25 hours a week, but they are the longest 25 hours ever). Isn’t it enough I’m trying to work on my business endeavors, apply to grad school, work on myself, and figure out how to take off for a year and travel...

Lack of good sex + lack of job satisfaction+ saving + working on business and career goals+balancing a social life+ trying to apply to grad school + working on me = MADNESS

No sex??? That’s like punishment on top of punishment.

Side Note: I did the celibate thing on and off (the longest 13 months), and the quantitative results are still the same, sexually frustrated(End Side Note).

So I need something else to look forward to besides my upcoming trips and scheduled fun (the countdown begins). Lack of sex, un-happy with job, still trying to figure out direction of businesses, and career....well that just sounds like semi-hell, and I don’t wanna participate anymore (besides great sex is a good stress reliever). This form of punishment reminds me of the days my mom would ban me from the TV and phone. Isn’t it enough that you already banned me from the TV, and now you want to take my only way of communicating with the outside world away??? Yes, although I always found ways around it (light up phones worked well in the dark once you turned the ringer off), but still, it was a psychological punishment that worked, ok I digress...

Back to this sexual “relationship”... it’s a bit of a conundrum. I guess I’ll head to the toy store until I can find a suitable solution...


In Other News:
The other days that made up my weekend weren’t soooo bad. Thursday...I can’t remember, I’m sure it involved vodka. Friday involved wine & vodka, a cool lounge in Adams Morgan & meeting three guys. Two of the three were cool. Let’s skip the details on Saturday’s debauchery...and Sunday was business stuff. Devin and I were going to meet up, but we didn’t. Oh, Brian & I exchanged a few text messages and an e-mail...

I need a vacation...I can’t wait for my first trip...Boston get ready!

I Suck... (Not really)

I suck. I have a date in less than 4 hours and I tried to cancel it....but I didn't seal the deal. So now I gotta go. I didn't really have a good reason to cancel, except for the fact that Mr. Henry spent the night last night & kept me up....or the fact that I have an event to attend from 5:30 to 7 something. Oh well. Guess I'll go.

He seemed cool on the phone. We met on Friday (I was somewhat sober). He's Nigerian, but he has a cockney/Brit/Nigerian accent (that was too funny to me). Good job, blah, blah, blah. He seems nice. Young but nice. I'll let you know what happens...

I Think Porn Is Stupid...

Tonight, Mr. Henry came over. We "exercised" and I burnt like 400 calories although the munchies and after "exercise" drink cancelled the calories out, but I digress. My head wasn't in it. I was thinking about all kinds of stuff, not related to our "workout". Uhhh maybe these are things I shouldn't have been thinking about:

11. Going to sleep afterwards

10. How we are big freaks for having sex at 5pm

9. If I should go out

8. Who was texting me, since my phone went off twice

7. If I was going to get an O

6. Blogging about not thinking about our romp session while we were romping.

5. Why in the hell my neighbor's dog is so loud when they get home, and wondering if they could see me, if they got too close to my window.

4. Wondering if my neighbors could hear us...

3. Laughing at the funny faces he made

2. Wondering if my face was just as funny as the face he was making

1. Wondering where he got the new position from

Needless to say, the O was not achieved...think I'm going to sit the next few sessions out, re-group and think about stuff...

Unsolved Mysteries

I've never had an orgasm...the Big O, the Big Shebang...I think know I've came close a few times. You know, legs shaking, feeling like I'm going to explode, then he changes positions for whatever reason, it just disappears...I have a perfectly good theory, but I won't bore you with it. I guess I was just thinking about my latest sexcapade with Mr. H. I guess more like a horizontal 400 calorie burning work-out than anything else... it was a good workout, but I digress. I'm just curious...When did you realize you had the O, or are you still waiting for it?


Why is it always the ones you don't like, aren't into, are diagnosed crazy or are dodging and going into protective custody, the one's that call on time, text you constantly and profess their love to you while peeking in your first floor apartment window show you they like you, the one's you don't want?


So now that I got Brian's gift, I've been mulling over the card, do I get one, do I make it funny or sincere? When do I give it to him, at his going away party, alone??? I'm over-analyzing it. I should just throw it in a Safeway plastic bag, and drop it off.....right?


Why is Mr. Henry all of a sudden trying to resurface, he must have gotten the memo that Brian is leaving town...guess he missed the one about Summer.


I wanted to go Salsa dancing tonight, cause I haven't been in a while due to Heroes being my main obsession on Monday nights....I do not have that thing called a DVR...but I had a 50/50 chance of running into the Old Man, and those were odds I didn't feel like gambling with tonight...

The Waiting Game

Ok. I haven’t broken down and read the latest two books to be ALL THE RAGE yet. In fact, I’m holding out. Why? Lots of reasons, some, my own personal belief, that a man can’t tell me how to be a lady, but another one... “who made you the authority on dating? And you aren’t even in my age bracket?” I had this discussion with a couple of different people this weekend, and although I have come to MY OWN conclusions, I want to know what you think? (I know the overall themes of the books are supposed to be good, but...)


How Long Should You Wait to Have Sex With A New Potential Partner?



Here’s my view.

As a woman, I don’t think it matters how long you wait, what you say, or what you do? I waited for different time periods for different reasons. Really, I think the maturity level, in some cases how you meet, if you guys are both in the same mindset and the conversations before and after are what count.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you are looking for something meaningful and long-term, then, there’s a slim to none chance it’s going to happen with a one night-stand (although I’ve heard of success stories), however, if you are waiting and holding out, in hopes that it could blossom into something, well that could backfire too!

I have many experiences to back up my points-of-view. I will share, but what I want to know (from the guys as well). Guys, is there a time frame, in which you say, “Hmmm, she must be the one because she held out for _______ days”???


The books in question: "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" and "He's Just Not That Into You

Tony, Tony, Tony

Hmmmm. When I first started this blog, I had no idea he would resurface this way. I had no idea that I’d be re-visiting his “weirdness” again. And, I had no idea that we would develop this sexual chemistry that can’t be described. Now I need to step away from this, because I may just be in it for the gratification (which I so desperately needed).

Let’s see, since last Monday, we’ve talked quite a bit. I seen him Wednesday night at a showing, and then Saturday, he texts me and tells me he’s going through some things and he’ll talk to me later. We talk last night and I found out he got laid off his fulltime job, so he gets a pass.

He came over last night and we had a goodtime. This morning, he was taking me to work and I couldn't help but to Laugh Out Loud at the irony...he was singing... AGAIN! He’s extremely (way too) happy in the morning. He’d put Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks out of business if forty percent of Americans woke up and were as bubbly as him. I guess, I can pat myself on the back for that one! (Great Night = Fabulous Morning = No Coffee Needed)

So, here’s the thing. I’m F’n clueless on this one??? I never thought I’d say that, but I'm kinda diggin him...

Girls Think With Their Vagina Sometimes

Continuation of My Manic Monday...

So. What can I say. I really don’t know. After a few text messages and me performing the pre-game ritual, I open my door and let him in. He gives me this HUGE hug, like big bear style, and he holds on for a minute. I pull away first. Things aren’t straight just yet. He compliments me on my “outfit”. I offer him a drink.

We sit on opposite ends of the couch. I have Seal’s new CD playing. I turn it off, because we need to get down to business.

Me: So What’s Up?

Tony: With? With what happened? The girl

Me: Yeah.

Tony: It’s not going anywhere. I just felt like I needed to be honest with you.

Me: Well you weren’t. I feel like you said what you said because of the whole falling asleep incident. Then the fact that you said it after we had sex...you didn’t give me the option of deciding whether or not I wanted to deal with that. It’s like this. I’m seeing other people..

Tony: (cutting me off) I know, you’re an attractive girl...

Me: Let me finish. I’m seeing other people. I go out on dates, but I’m not having sex with anyone else. I haven’t had sex with anyone else since October. And I don’t have feelings for anyone else (at this point I thought about the Old Man), the way that you said you had feelings for her. Obviously, there is some chemistry between us, seeing that we sort of have a past, and I would respect you enough to tell you if I had feelings for someone else, but not after the fact. I’m going to continue to see other guys, but just know that...

Tony: I agree, we do have chemistry, and that’s why I told you. I didn’t have to say anything. But I like you and I wanted to be honest with you. Nothing’s going on with her or anyone else, and I want you to come to my show. I want to spend time with you

Somehow we end up in a passionate kiss. I don’t even remember if I completed all of my thoughts or the last thing he said. The last thing I remember is us both laying on the floor naked, panting, tired, breathless, speechless.

Pre-birthday (Part 2 of 2): To Sex Or Not To Sex?

As I've said before, I get excited about birthdays...last night was definitely the "pre-game". So my company arrived after a few conversations and text messages later... he walks in and we hug. He gives me one of those BIG, I missed you hugs.

Mystery Man: Hey sweetie, you look great

Me: Thank you, you caught me in my PJ's ( I actually don't really own PJ's)

Mystery Man: Those are your PJ's???? Wow. I like them. I can tell you were sun-kissed as well...

Me: (smiling) Thank you, I laid by the beach almost everyday.


We sit on the couch and chat for a minute, then I suggest watching one of my favorite movies.

Side-bar
We women know whether or not we are going to have sex as soon as we hang up the phone. Or the thought of having sex at least crosses our mind. So we take care to perform the "pre-company" rituals - you know, showering, shaving, waxing, whatever we need to do to get "ready"...so as I'm running around my house like a mad woman, trying to straighten things, shower, and do the "pregame" ritual, the thought of SEX did cross my mind. I didn't make my mind up, but I got excited at the thought of possibly "getting laid"; I also became conflicted and thought about the other "players" (mainly one) in the Line Up.


As he sets up the DVD player I make us drinks. A few minutes later I'm laying on him and we are about 30 minutes into the movie, he starts caressing me. At first he's rubbing my back, and I'm thinking to myself how long will it take for his hands to roam south.... a few minutes later, like clockwork, his hands go a little further down...right at the small of my back. I turn over and look at him, and laugh...

Me: You're funny

Him: What???

He kisses the inside of my arm, then his lips find mine and we passionately kiss for a few minutes. I turn back towards the movie...at this point I'm horny... and my GOOD Diva and BAD Diva are fighting...on one hand I haven't had sex since October and I really want some...on the other hand, we just started back talking and I didn't want to jump back into sex, and while I was away I was thinking I might give celibacy a shot...

A love scene comes on...I turn my face towards him. He stares at me, he kisses the inside of my arm again...we go back and forth for awhile, tugging at clothes and pants, grabbing, kissing...I stop him. At this point I was still kind of undecided, so I decided to test him...

Me: Do you have protection?

Him: No, I didn't come over here for that.

Me: Hmmmm

So I don't tell him right away that I have protection. In my mind, I'm still weighing the pros and cons and ...then he starts kissing me again, this time on the inside of my legs.... the bad Diva won...

Public Service Announcement (PSA)

This is a PSA. I wouldn't be a good Diva, if I didn't do this...WRAP IT UP, WRAP IT UP, WRAP IT UP. There's no excuse. I just found something new online as well. Has anyone ever tried this? If so, what were your thoughts? Be safe, go have fun for me. I'll be stuck in no-where-ville (actually it's a city...but nothing like DC) with the family for the week. Wish me luck, I'll need it......and a big bottle of vodka.