Friday, January 30, 2009

The Unmentionables

Just because I haven't blogged about them, doesn't mean they don't exist, or attempt to keep the lines of communication open. Case in point, Chris. Haven't talked to him since October. I never called because everything was so SUBPAR (I had a better time at the doctor's office). I don't know why he never called. Well today he sent me a text. Uhhhh. Hmmmm. I don't think he got the MEMO. Here's the rundown on some of the OTHERS

Latino Papi Alex - He sends me a text at least once a week, sometimes in English sometimes in Spanish. I don't remember when our last verbal conversation was, but I do remember telling him that it's OK to call me, and I get tired of text messages...hence the reason I don't respond...guess he didn't get the MEMO either, maybe I should have said it in Spanish.

Akeem - I talked to him around my birthday. He wanted to know if he could show me some kind of demonstration with some product he's trying to sell (hawk to unsuspecting buyers).

Island Prince John - He calls me from time to time. The conversations are always the same. "When are you coming to see me", "I miss you". He called on Tuesday, and we had an ok conversation, but I think some things still get lost in hmmm, "Don't you live with your baby's mama?" I asked him if I come to visit, where am I going to stay. He said, and I quote "very, very close to me. Just know, no hotels ok? I'll make arrangements". Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but "very, very close" does not equal "with me" or "I no longer live with my baby's mama, I.e. live in girlfriend". Hmmm, I need someone to translate something to him in French for me...

Jamaican Friend - I haven't named him yet, but he's been calling and texting me consistently (TOO MUCH) since I got back. He knows I'll be back in Jamaica in February, and he's definitely trying to stay in my good graces. Thing is, I really don't plan on hanging out with him when I go back. He was ok, sweet, a little aggressive, not too bad. We made out a bit when I was there, but, well he didn't get my MEMO..."I don't do long distance".

Brian - Went home for the weekend (I.e. West Coast). Awe, I miss my hang out buddy.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Talk....Again

The Old man and I FINALLY had the dreaded, ball and chain, “where is this relationship going, what do you want from me, I hope it’s not sex talk”. And guess what? It was great. Yep, never thought I’d use the Old Man and great in the same paragraph, but we are on the SAME PAGE. I told him how IF ( a big IF) we were to be in a serious relationship in the future he would have to give a little more, i.e., I feel like we do a lot of things he likes to do, but we don’t do things I like to do. He asked for examples. I had a list. I DO ask him to do things I KNOW he’s not into, knowing he’s going to say no (i.e. hip hop clubs). That way, he can never say I didn’t invite him. Then some of it’s a test. I asked him to come to a game night party with me at a friend’s place. Instead he went Salsa Dancing. I asked him to hang out with my friends & Aunts at a club during Inauguration weekend...he said he thought I may want to spend time with my family, so he went Salsa Dancing. So that being said, I think (KNOW) we are seeing other people, and he doesn’t want a serious commitment just as much as I don’t want one. The GREAT thing about it, is he didn’t bring up SEX!

Me: What Do you Want From Me?

Old Man: What do I want from you?

Me: Yes.

Old Man: Well I’m already getting everything I want from you and more

Me: (shocked and amazed) Really???

Old Man: Yes.

Me: Well I know a lot of our relationship is in a grey area, and that’s mostly my fault because I don’t know what I want. Sometimes I think I want a relationship, then other times I don’t. So I’m sorry if it’s grey and not black and white with me.

Old Man: It’s not all you. I think it’s 50/50.

Old Man: What do you see in me? Why are you with me?

Old Man: helloooooo

Me: uhhhh, what was the question again?

Old Man: Why are you with me?

Me: We’ve had this conversation before. I told you I like how you treat me, and your respect for me. You’ve exposed me to new things, some of which I liked. You’re always upbeat and happy, and we have a good time together.

Old Man: So this was good. Things are good right now. Nothing needs to change. It’s good to have these talks every now and then to make sure we are on the same page. So a few months from now, we can reassess it.

Me: Like a year from now!

So it’s all done and complete. Just what I thought. No expectations, no strings, NO SEX. Wooo Hoo!!!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Girls Think With Their Vagina Sometimes

Continuation of My Manic Monday...

So. What can I say. I really don’t know. After a few text messages and me performing the pre-game ritual, I open my door and let him in. He gives me this HUGE hug, like big bear style, and he holds on for a minute. I pull away first. Things aren’t straight just yet. He compliments me on my “outfit”. I offer him a drink.

We sit on opposite ends of the couch. I have Seal’s new CD playing. I turn it off, because we need to get down to business.

Me: So What’s Up?

Tony: With? With what happened? The girl

Me: Yeah.

Tony: It’s not going anywhere. I just felt like I needed to be honest with you.

Me: Well you weren’t. I feel like you said what you said because of the whole falling asleep incident. Then the fact that you said it after we had didn’t give me the option of deciding whether or not I wanted to deal with that. It’s like this. I’m seeing other people..

Tony: (cutting me off) I know, you’re an attractive girl...

Me: Let me finish. I’m seeing other people. I go out on dates, but I’m not having sex with anyone else. I haven’t had sex with anyone else since October. And I don’t have feelings for anyone else (at this point I thought about the Old Man), the way that you said you had feelings for her. Obviously, there is some chemistry between us, seeing that we sort of have a past, and I would respect you enough to tell you if I had feelings for someone else, but not after the fact. I’m going to continue to see other guys, but just know that...

Tony: I agree, we do have chemistry, and that’s why I told you. I didn’t have to say anything. But I like you and I wanted to be honest with you. Nothing’s going on with her or anyone else, and I want you to come to my show. I want to spend time with you

Somehow we end up in a passionate kiss. I don’t even remember if I completed all of my thoughts or the last thing he said. The last thing I remember is us both laying on the floor naked, panting, tired, breathless, speechless.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Happy 100th Of Sorts

Today is my 100th post. And although I have some juicy news, I need to get this out the way...

How the blog should have started...
It should have started 3 years ago. My best male friend Chuck was here visiting me and we went on a clubbing (drinking) spree. I met 10 guys in four days and made it my mission to go on a date with all of them. Some(ALL) I met under the pretense of beer goggles, uhhh, the glass eye guy comes to mind. Each day after the dates, I’d e-mail my friends a blurb to tell them how it went. They crack the hell up, and tell me I’m brave, funny, hilarious, should go on more dates so they could laugh at my expense (j/k). In any case, one out of the 10 was cute; Papi Chulo JC who was 5 years younger...can we say rob the cradle???.

The following year Mr. Henry moved to DC and lived (mooched) with me for 11 months. They were the worst 11 months of my life. Ok, not that bad, but it progressively got worse with each passing month. I was cleaning up after him, supporting him, cooking for him, sexing him on a daily basis. Damn, I felt like a F’n wife on lock down. I wasn’t dating anyone else, but I had my suspicions that he was dating other people. (we didn’t have the title of bf/gf either) After he moved out, I had a dry spell. I met some guys, but it was all a blur...

...then Jamaica happened. I don’t know what it was, but the first time I went, I came back a new woman. I mean, it was like guys were coming out of the woods and emerging from the sea when I got back. Then I went back to Jamaica to drink some more MAGIC WATER...and the blog was a sparkle in my eye, on the way to being born.

2008 Was A Good Year.
I decided to start writing my blog after my second trip to Jamaica (May 2008). I met soooo many guys in 2008, more than my college years (well, maybe they are tied). Granted all of the guys weren’t worth mentioning, but I noticed a trend...I was having a F’n blast. There was a time (a long, long time ago) when female friends and I would sit around complaining about the LACK of available GOOD MEN, how HARD it was to find a man, blah, blah, blah. Those days are LONG GONE. I’ve learned SOOO much from my dating experiences (and male friends) that I became a NEW dater. I’ll reveal my dating philosophies later (they will be on sale for $9.99!!!).

When I wrote my first blog, I wasn’t sure what direction to go in or how much I should REVEAL about myself and the guys. I tried to change some identifying facts (so my secret identity will remain secret) about myself and the daters, with a little practice (after about the 4th or 6th entry) I had it! So here’s how I name the guys (with the exception of 1 or 2). I make sure the first letter of their name remains the same (as not to confuse myself). For example. If someone’s name is John, I may change their name to Jacob... something like that. Also, if you noticed, I don’t use pictures, instead, I wanted my words to create an image. I wanted to describe my dates, dating experiences in a lighthearted humorous way...(I’m still attempting to be humorous...not working, but whatever).

I didn’t think anyone would read my blog, but then I had my first commenter! My blog brother SBM in NOVA. He was the only person for a long time (unless there were lurkers... reveal yourself!) who’d read and comment and act as a sounding board. (Thanks Hun!) I started reading his crazy, yet entertaining blog and kept writing because it became therapeutic and it was sort of a diary for myself. Then my Wildcherry happened! Although he never comments on here, (where are you???) for some reason he liked my writing style and asked me if I wanted to publish some articles on his awesome blog. Then I found my blog sister Mz. Mami, and became addicted to reading and blogging, and lurking on other blogs. (You can find other blogs I follow under my profile!)

Now What?
Last year, I had fun, ups and downs and conflicts. For example, Island Prince John. (For those who used their imagination with that situation. Thanks!!!) Then I had some really sad moments, i.e. killing Mr. Henry (although he managed to resurrect himself). In any case 2008 was a great year.

What do I want for 2009??? I have no F’n clue. Hence the Old Man and Tony. All I know is I NEED to write. It’s my daily therapy and it’s free! So thanks for reading, feel free to comment (I love your p.o.v. even if I don’t agree with it). And wish me dating luck for 2009!!!

Just Another Manic Monday...

Damn, I wish it were Friday.

I'm a bit self destructive when I'm bored. Today was the first day in a long time that I didn't have anything planned with anyone. No going out, no showing guests around, no working...just nothing. I couldn't even entertain myself with TV, because it's been so long since I followed a show. Couldn't entertain myself with the internet, or finishing my application to grad school. Instead, I entertained my afternoon/night with men...

The first victim on the list. Mr. Henry. I was feeling nostalgic this weekend and thought about some of the good times. There was this one time, Mr. Henry was dancing (a little strip teasing) for me, and I was throwing quarters at him and he would pick them up and put them in his pocket. It was hilarious!!! I called him today. He has a deep, soothing sexy voice that I used to listen to every night when he was a radio personality back in college. I just wanted to hear it for a second. We talked for a minute. He's said he would take me to dinner this week for a belated birthday celebration. I DON'T think that's a good idea. I haven't seen him since October, and I don't want to fall back into Old (bad) habits...

The second victim was none other than the Old Man (old reliable) I was cooking dinner, and not paying attention to what I was doing. I called him to talk to him because he's always so UPBEAT. He didn't disappoint. However, he did ask me a few hard questions, that I still haven't being "Why Am I With Him". I asked him one too. "What do you want from me"?. No questions were answered tonight. I guess it's about that time...

The third and final victim because I am a glutton for punishment (mutilation) was... Tony. I haven't brought myself to watch the movie we watched together again, although it's my fav and I found the soundtrack this weekend. I know I said I wasn't going to call him, but a few things provoked me to call. 1) I'm horny and he was the last person I had sex with, 2) The band I saw last night reminded me of him 3) I'm bored 4) I was listening to the soundtrack and avoiding the grad any excuse to occupy a few minutes. Our conversation was weird...not in sync, I don't know. He asked to see me, and I said "eeehhh".

Damn, I need SOME, but NONE of the above will do, and I don't want to BED anyone new yet. I'm NOT jumping on the celibate bandwagon (yet) and toys and self gratification just DOESN'T do it for me...damn, what's a girl to do??? Who's a girl to do???

Monday, January 26, 2009

All Action, No Talk

This weekend, the Old Man and I hung out. It’s becoming a ritual. Friday night we went to the movies, and afterwards chatted over hot coco and a late night dinner. He brought up the fact that we needed to talk again, but it wasn’t the time or place. Sunday night he came over and I ordered Thai food, then we went to a concert. He’s definitely exposing me to new things. His taste in music is just as eclectic as mine, I’m learning a thing or two from him. I guess an Old Dog can teach you new tricks!!! (I know, it’s backwards)

I’ve been thinking about our “relationship” a lot lately, and I know what my problem is. I want the relationship without the emotional connection/attachment, without sex, and without the bf/gf title. I like the companionship, but I also like having the FREEDOM of doing whatever I want, whether it’s gallivanting to Jamaica for hot, sexy times, or going to the club and flirting with guys all night. I know it’s selfish, and probably self-indulgent, but I don’t want to be LOCKED DOWN or BALL & CHAINED, and more and more, I’m finding things about the Old Man that are annoying (singing off key to name one). From the beginning, I told him I DID NOT want a relationship, but given the amount of time we spend together, I can see how it could become one.

I still haven’t told him about my trip in February, during VALENTINE’S DAY weekend with Brian!!! I’ve been hinting towards it, but I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about me and Brian. Although I think Brian is hot and sexy, and there was a time when I wanted to rip his clothes off, and ....ooops, anyways, I don’t look at Brian that way anymore. I know way too much about his little trysts with his portfolio of various women, and I can’t see myself jumping his bones anytime soon...I digress. I want to be honest with the Old Man about my trip, but I don’t think he’d understand...

Friday, January 23, 2009

More Words For Old...

... aged, senior citizen, elderly, well done, not getting any younger, fermented, old as dirt...

So I met the Old Man in February of 08, and he’s still hanging on! It kind of reminds me of one of those birds or parasites that follows it’s host(s) around...never leaves...NO MATTER WHAT.

Sometimes I throw stuff out there, just to see what he’s going to say and it doesn’t phase him...hmmm for example

I May Say:
I never want to get married
I don’t want kids
I want to move out of the Country
Sex isn’t important
I don’t want a relationship
I can live without sex

Old Man’s Response:
Uhhh, Ok
Uhhh, really? Ok

When we initially met, I didn’t realize he was trying to date me. I guess the first time he leaned in to give me a kiss was the first indication...that was a few months after our first “date”, which I didn’t know was a date. (We do have a date on Sunday...with a scheduled "Talk" to follow...)

The things that I like about him, are also things that I dislike about him. It’s like a catch 22, with a little acid on it for good measure. I know I can’t see myself having a LTR with him, but at the same time, I get the impression that he doesn’t want one as well. I mean, he does HIS OWN thing a lot. He WAS married for 20 years, been divorced for 4 now, and he has GROWN children. I mean seriously, what could he possibly want with me? I’m still a kid in an adult sized body (humor me, 29 is the new 19!). When I was 10, he was 37, when I was 18, he was 45. He’s an OLD OLD Man, who wants to try some of my Young, Young Booty...he probably went to the Playboy Mansion and drunk the water Hef drinks. Seriously, when I told my twin Aunts about him this week, even they said he was too old for them, and they’ll be 40!

I know it sounds rantish...but he DOES have qualities I like, which I’ve mentioned before. If 29 is the new 19, 56 is the new 46! Rock on Old Man, Rock On!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Mr. Henry: Before & After (Part 1 of 2)

Awhile ago, I promised I would fill you in about Mr. Henry and our history. It's hard to sum up our dysfunctional on and off almost 9 years of knowing each other quasi-relationship in one post, but here is my first attempt...

The Good Ole Days Before I Had Dating Commonsense

Sometimes I think about my college days (Pre DC Diva) and I can't help but to laugh at some of the antics me & my friends used to participate in. Everything from stealing stuff off our neighbor's porch (and putting it on someone else's porch) to partying in Houston at Beach Parties, and the classic, partying at the club, house party or bar just about every weekend. (a local DJ even nicknamed anyways I digress

When I think about those days, I can't help but to think about Mr. Henry and some of our good times as well as bad. I don't know if I was "in love" with him (in retrospect I think not), but I do know we had a strong bond. We had an "affinity" that couldn't be described, we had a dysfunctional yet "happy" sex-filled, sex everywhere, this is the first time I tried this relationship; then we had the yelling, fighting, crying, sex make-up sessions it was a "relationship" without titles... an OXYMORON of sorts.

There are three major fights that I remember. The first one I was about 21/22. I can't remember what we argued about exactly, but I remember driving to his place, only to get there and his roommates tell me he's not there. I get a call on my cell phone and he's at my place. After all of these years, it's kind of funny, but at the time, I was pissed because yet again, I thought he had another chic over. I went back to my place to meet him, and lets just say, every part of my apartment was used that night...all night.

The second one was when I got back from my London study abroad, and I was staying with this girl for the summer. I think we were fighting about commitment stuff, I can't remember. All I remember is my roommate coming to my door to tell me he was there. I open my door and he comes in. He starts hugging me, and he kissed my eyelids, and every single part of my body. For a moment, we had intense make up sex, until I accidently poked him in the eye, then we laughed about it and went to bed.

The third time I remember was when P.A.T.T. came back to campus to visit her at that time boyfriend. She and I went out and had a girls night. I had a lot to drink, so she drove. I asked her to take me to Mr. Henry's. Once there, I knock on the door (it's about 2am) and he doesn't answer. I heard voices though. I knock again. No answer. I'm pissed because I KNOW someone else is there. I walk around to his bedroom window and try to look in. It's pitch black. I walk around to his patio and I had to slide down there because he had a garden level apartment. Right now, common sense isn't kicking in. The good Diva was no where to be found. Instead, the alcohol and rage of, "how can we fuck the night before, and now he has a bitch over" kicked in. I wasn't thinking clearly, because for people that found out what happened...well let's just say it SHOCKED the hell out them..."WHAT NOT YOU?", “YOU’RE SO SWEET” sorta shock.

I look in the patio door and I don't see anyone. I see the TV is on. I begin throwing whatever is near at the patio door. I guess there was a brick close by, because, the patio door ended up having a big hole right in the center. (At the time I didn't realize that.)

I go back around to his front door, and Mr. Henry is MAD. He stumbles to the door, and is like "What the fuck?" (He was actually cool about it, cause if it was the other way around I would have CALLED the POLICE)

His friends are in there and they are scared. I go in, I'm a crying mess, and in my drunken state I'm saying things I don't remember the next day. I'm in his room, and I'm on top of him, hugging him, kissing him, crying, and he's trying to be gentle, yet he's pissed, and is trying to push me off of him and out his room. He tells me I have to go, and I can't stay. (He didn't have a girl over)

By this time P.A.T.T. finds me. She had no idea about what I was doing. He's telling her to get me and to take me home. I'm still yelling, crying (I have no clue as to what I was saying). We get outside, and I start kicking his car door. He already has a crack in his windshield from an accident, but I hit on the window and make it bigger. P.A.T.T is pulling me away, Mr. Henry is yelling. Then the next thing I remember is I wake-up in my bed. I still have on some of my clothes from the night before, and I can't find my cell.

Then it hits me. DAMN.

I immediately call Mr. Henry and start apologizing. I'm crying, and telling him, I would never intentionally hurt him, and I'll pay for the patio. I go over to his place to give him money and to get my cell back. I'm SAD at the fact that he will never want to be my friend again.

But here's the FUNNY part....BRACE yourself...

This shit TURNED HIM ON!!!

Yep. That night, he wanted me to come over and wear the jacket I had on the night before. He told me he was turned on by the fact that I cared. He was turned on by my aggressiveness. He started calling me more, checking on me, we had days of GREAT make-up sex. He was attentive (for a minute). Then when I was back to my normal sweet girl self...doing all of the sweet thoughtful things I did before the drama, and before the brick throws... he was bored and back to his old conniving ways. My conclusion...GUYS LOVE DRAMA...hence Tony, CREATING DRAMA.

Now I'm MORE mature. I never had another "crazy" girl moment. In fact. I'm probably just the opposite now. I'm cool, laid back and calm...until you cross me. Then I just hang up the phone or close the door, or leave the room. No more throwing bricks or cracking windows. That was the first and last time. Now, I'll just cut your ass loose and trade you like the Packers traded Favre.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

An Update of Sorts...

Ok, so much happened last week, I need to give somewhat of a blow by blow update

Tony - We haven’t talked since our fight. No text messages, no phone calls. I’m on the fence about it. On one hand I don’t give a F, but on the other hand I want to “close” the chapter, because I don’t want any random text messages or calls to surface later. I guess I don’t really have anything to say to him, but since we have a habit of running into each other, I don’t want it to be awkward...

Mr. Henry - He called me a few times last week and yesterday. I still haven’t seen him since his death, sometime in October. Yesterday he asked me if I still had company. I told him yes. Then he was like “oh, I was going to see if you wanted to come over”. I told him even if they were gone, I couldn’t move after being up and outside in the cold all day. We talked a few more minutes and hung up. Even if I DO decide to see his stupid ass (I know that’s not nice), it won’t be at his place or mine. It will have to be in a public place, with lots of people around...

Brian - Brian met me and some of my friends out on Friday night. We had a freakin’ ball. Then Sunday night he and I went out, we are two peas in a pod, can’t get enough of hanging out!!! We had fun. I didn’t make it home till about 3:30am. Our plans are set for Jamaica. Sunday he told me I’m going to see a different side of him, that I never seen before.

Me: Oh, lord, you mean it gets worse?
Brian: All, I’m saying, is I’m gonna have fun
Me: What happens in Jamaica stays in Jamaica

I decided, that even if he tries to, no matter how hard it is (no pun intended), I can’t/won’t/will not go there with him...wish me luck...he’s still sexy to me...

The Old Man - So I had family to come in (and are still here) for the Inauguration. I told the Old Man this, and told him, I probably won’t be able to hang out with him. Wednesday of last week, we made plans to hang out on Friday (with my family of course).

Old Man: What did you tell them about me?
Me: Nothing
Old Man: Well what will they say when we hang out? Who is Mr. Benjamin? What will you tell them bout us?
Me: What did you tell your sons about me?
Old Man: I don’t talk to my sons...
Me: Well then, there’s nothing to tell them. We’re just hanging out. I think it’s about time for another talk of sorts...
Old Man: You’re right

Friday night my family got in, and they didn’t feel like hanging out. So I made plans with some friends and Brian, but I told the Old Man everyone was tired (I was, it WASN’T totally a lie) and that they didn’t want to go out and lets hang out on Saturday. He kept saying how he wanted to spend time with me, I told him he knew I may not get a chance to see him with me having company, but we’ll all hang out on Saturday.

Saturday comes around, we talk, and I tell him our plans. We’re going to hang out in an area with a lot of clubs and bars, and we are going to start at this club that’s free and was advertising free drinks for an hour. And if we aren’t having fun, we’ll leave and go somewhere else. It just depended on what my family wanted to do. He tells me to have fun.

Me: What you’re not coming?
Old man: No, I told you I wasn’t
Me: You told me you wanted to hang out
Old Man: You said you didn’t know what you guys were doing
Me: Yes I did. I told you we’re going to hang out at a club...ok, whatever. Bye.

Halfway through the night, the Old Man texts me to see how the club is, and if we are having fun. I text him back to tell him, I’m disappointed that he didn’t want to hang out with us. He texts me back and says I’ll feel better later...whatever that means.

When we get home that night after hanging out at three different clubs, there’s a bag on my porch (that says Happy Birthday). Inside the bag is a wrapped gift and a card that simply reads “Kitten”. I get inside and open it up. It’s the book I wanted. ( I LOVE PRINCE) I text him and tell him thank you, that it’s late and I’ll call him.

I call him the next afternoon letting my gratitude rain down on him.

Me: Thank you so much honey, you didn’t have to do that. Stop buying me stuff. You already paid for dinner and the spa. My birthday is over.
Old Man: I told you I wasn’t done with you, it was all part of the plan. That’s why I wanted to see you on I could give you the gift at the “Prince” party
Me: Awee, that’s so sweet, but I don’t want you to buy me anything else. Ok?
Old Man: Well I have one more thing planned for you.

My Type

“If you put all of the guys I date into a room, the only thing they will have in common is me...”

I’ve admitted this before. I LOVE MEN! In fact, sometimes I wonder if I’m addicted to flirting. This weekend was no exception. With all of the extra men around (some, in uniform) I think I almost broke my neck a few times and not from trying to see Mr. President... he’s married.

I made the comment above to my Aunt about the guys I date...they generally have nothing in common. I mean, except for me. It’s no surprise though, because my tastes in men changes with the wind. One morning I may wake up and want scrambled eggs and the next waffles. I have never been the type to jump on the latest “fad-wagon”. It’s hard enough staying on my own wagon, instead, I check every guy’s wagon. So I decided to make a list of SOME of the qualities that INITIALLY attracts me to guys...and yes, I mean, some of the “first” things I notice about a guy, then everything comes second or third. Oh this list is ALWAYS CHANGING, isn’t this the year of change anyways???.

In No Particular Order

Sex Appeal
Guys who wear glasses (cool glasses, not coke bottle glasses)
Tall guys
A guy who smells good
The way a guy “unintentionally” commands your attention when he walks into a room
Grooming style
Guys with accents
The ability to be different, and to be comfortable doing so
Intellectual type
Athletic type
Artsy type (it’s something about a guy who uses his hands to create something beautiful whether it’s music, art, buildings...)
Guys in Business Suits
Dancing skills
Life of the Party
Guys who are up on Politics
Laid Back
DJ’s ( I have a crush on a local DJ)
Guys who play instruments (Drummers get me every time)
Guys with “sexy” hair
Bald headed guys
Guys who look like they can protect me
Construction workers
Guys in uniform
A Guy who flirts subtly
A Guy who is quick witted
A Guy who volunteers
A Guy who seems like he’s a Humanitarian
A guy who is a little sarcastic
A Guy who likes to travel
Guys who run outside in the summer with nice bodies (I damn near break my neck trying to watch them)
Guys who are cute and they are walking their dog, and their dog is cute (puppies are cute, can’t help it)
The cool t-shirt & jeans guy

Thursday, January 15, 2009

WTF? The Argument

The First (Last) Argument of 2009

I Was Mad As Hell.
Why I don't know. I guess it was a combination of ego, pride, not being in control, shitty-ness of the whole situation.

Here's My Take On It
Dumb Fuck (i.e. Tony) was still mad about Friday. He probably talked to some of his friends (female friends at that) and they probably fed him the BS most friends who aren't in the situation do..."that ____________ isn't shit" sorta crap... "Or you know she had a dude over"... and the classic..."Fell asleep my ass"

My other view after deep contemplation and not telling any of my girls for 24 hours about the fight, was this: His ego is bruised, he doesn't know who to believe, he's still mad, and his emotions got caught up and he didn't want them to. (I know, fuckin humor me for a moment).

The Fight

So after our "make-up" conversation yesterday, I wanted to see him in person and I tell him so. I want to PERSONALLY apologize again, and just let him know, I'm not the flaky, BS type. I mean, come the fuck on, if I had a guy over, I would have called him, so he wouldn't pop "Dude, be smart about this"...

Anyways, we set it up. I'm going to meet him near the gym he works out at, since I was going to be in the area and had to do some errands. Although our time wasn't specific, I figured we'd probably hook up around 3 or 3:30 (after his work-out). At about 3:15 I send him a text to let him know I'm in the area and what store I am at. He immediately sends me one back and says he was taking a nap. He's headed to the gym.


I go to the next store to get some stuff. I call him around 4:30. No answer. I send him a text to let him know I'm still in the area. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking' he's still mad. I go to the next store. By this time, I'm pretty much done with my errands in this neighborhood, and I need to get moving. It's shortly after 5. I call him to let him know I didn't hear from him and I gotta go.

As I'm driving to my next destination I have an EPIPHANY. "Wait. Why in the fuck am I still apologizing? Why in the hell would he assume the worst about me, seeing as how I didn't give him any reason to feel that way?" I send him a text basically saying how I feel. Then...


About an hour later. I turn it back on. He calls me about 15 minutes later.

Tony: We need to talk

Me: Ok, you're still mad about Friday?

Tony: This isn't about that, it is, but it's more complicated.

Me: What...

Tony: I have feelings for someone else and I have feelings for you...

(Silence is golden)

Tony: You still there?


Tony: Hello?

Me: I'll talk to you later.

Tony: What? What does that mean, that you'll talk to me later, or you'll never talk to me again? I want to be honest with you.

Then the fight starts. As we're going back and forth and I'm bring up the fact the HE was the one sending me messages about how much he missed me, and how much HE was feeling me, not me.

We're yelling at each other and I'm sitting in the parking lot of Target heated. I have all of this shit running through my mind. He's trying to get me to see his point of view and keeps saying nothing ever happened with them, but he liked her, then she moved, but there's something with us, and he wants me to be a part of his life. Then...


Why in the fuck am I arguing with him about this? I'm SEEING other people, he's not my boyfriend and we aren't on that level.

I tell him so. Then I take a deep breath.

Me: Bye Tony

I hang up.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


The Old Man also asked me to go on a trip with him...

not sure about this one...

Ulterior Motives

Something is in the water again....

WTF??? I mean, yesterday’s conversations and the one that ensued this morning has me believing something is seriously in the water, or better yet Karma is F’N with me, and I don’t find it to be funny.

This Morning

I get my normal wake-up call from the Old Man (he calls me every morning between 8 & 8:30). He can hear the frustration in my voice as I am running late for work, I didn’t sleep well last night, I had to do my hair, take out the trash, etc, etc, etc. I tell him I’ll call him back. I receive one more call and a text. I get to work at 8:35 (only 5 minutes late) and call him.

Old Man: Are you ok, it’s sounds like you are frustrated
Me: I am. I was running late, I had to do my hair which took 15 minutes, take out the trash, blah, blah, blah
Old Man: (laughing) The hair huh?
Me: Yes, it’s frustrating. I hate flat flat ironing it every morning. I’m used to getting up and going. Plus it’s expensive to maintain, I have to go to the salon everyother week, which is $55.00 a visit, that adds up, I'm going back to my old style (curly)
Old Man: But I like the new look, it sounds like what you need is a sponsor, we’ve talked about this before...

I cut him off and we talk about something else.

Ok. I have a problem. Is he seriously trying to be my “sugar daddy”. I mean “it sounds like you need a sponsor”. I don’t know if it’s my ego or my pride or what, but I don’t want him “sponsoring” me. I mean WTF? How does that even sound? It’s different if he’s my boyfriend and he offers to pay for little things here and there and we’ve established some type of commitment, but what the hell does a sponsorship include, sex, money, prostitution?

Can someone please clarify this for me???

Side Note: Years ago when I changed my hairstyle, and Mr. Henry told me he didn’t like it, I told him I didn’t care, and until he started paying for me to get it done, he couldn’t comment on it... he never did...but that was different, right?


Tony and I had a fight. I’ll blog about it later. I’m still trying to sort it all out in my mind. Let’s just say, another one bites the dust...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

He's My Friend Again...

“Vodka, this is the last time you’re gonna get me in trouble... I mean it.” DC Diva

After millions (ok, not millions) of apology calls and text messages, Tony finally called me back today.

Me: Hello

Tony: Hey babe

Me: Are you still mad at me?

Tony: Put yourself in my shoes, see how you would have felt

Me: I know, I know, I thought about, and I’d be pissed. I probably would have cursed you out, but seriously, that’s not my personality, I would never intentionally hurt you

Tony: It’s hard, we’re still getting to know each other

Me: I know, I’m soooo sorry. I seriously just laid down to wait on you and before I knew it, it was 5am

Tony: It’s not that serious

Me: Yes it is, you were mad...

So, I think it will be ok. Why did I WORK my butt off to salvage what “little” friendship we re-developed you say? Because I (want to have sex again) have a complex. I hate it when people get the wrong idea about me. It would have been different if I ACTUALLY had a guy over, but I didn’t...and I didn’t want him calling me all kinds of names (which he probably did) unless I actually deserved them. By nature I’m pretty open, honest and candid, if YOU ASK ME, I WILL TELL YOU (or avoid the question)... or I will nicely say it’s NONE OF YOUR (fuckin') BUSINESS...

Top 12 Reasons Why Vodka Is A Man

12. You either love Mr. Vodka, or you hate Mr. Vodka
11. It's hard to quit Mr. Vodka cold turkey
10. Mr. Vodka comes in many flavors
9. Mr. Vodka comes in nice packages
8. Mr. Vodka makes you "drunk dial" and "drunk text"
7. You turn to Mr. Vodka during the good times...Can we say "SHOTS"
6. You turn to Mr. Vodka during the hard times...Can we say "Economic Crisis"
5. You get hungry after "hanging out" with Mr. Vodka
4. Mr. Vodka puts you to sleep
3. Mr. Vodka may cause your "hormones" to come out, whether it's crying, fighting, or crying and fighting, he reveals your true self
2. Mr. Vodka makes you think you're invincible
1. You get horny after Mr. Vodka, or Mr. Vodka makes you horny...double edged sword

I Understand Why...

"Vodka always gets me in trouble. I'm going to get a new friend, first name Malibu, last name unknown" - DC Diva

I understand why he's mad, it's kind of funny, in a "lol, that happened" sort of way. Or, that sounds like something "Diva" would do...ha ha. I mean, if a guy told me, what I told Tony, I'd say "DO YOU THINK I'M F'N STUPID"? So I know why he's mad....but, in MY defense, I took my "liquid sleep THERAPY" a few times...

Friday night I went to a friend's house party. Tony and I planned on going together, but he had to work. So when I was done, I called to tell him to meet me at my place, I was on my way home. He calls me at 12:42am to tell me he's on his way. I get in the house, text my friends to let them know I made it ok, and laid across my bed. I woke up at 5am. Oops. I did it again. I looked at my phone and had about a million missed calls from Tony and one from Mr. Henry. I knew he was probably asleep, but I texted and called anyways. He answered the phone.

Me: I'm soooooo sorry, I fell asleep and didn't hear the phone. Are you mad at me?

Tony: Yeah I'm mad

Me: I'm sorry, I swear I didn't hear the phone, I was drinking. I laid down to wait on you and passed out

Tony: I'll talk to you tomorrow

Saturday I felt really bad. I knew how it sounded, it's actually kinda FUNNY (to me), but he avoided all of my calls and text messages. Hmmm, see if I had lied and said "I LOST MY PHONE" that would have been wrong...but I guess more believable...I guess I'll tell a LITTLE white lie the next time.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I Do, But I Don't. The Abyss

Relationship vs No Relationship

Everything including what happened last night/this morning, has had me thinking; from Mr. Henry, to the Old Man, to Tony, to my Jamaican friend… to comments (commenter’s), as to why I AM NOT ready for a relationship. I want one (EVENTUALLY), don’t get me wrong, but I DO NOT want the stuff (emotions) that goes with it…

The Diva’s Relationship Pro’s & Con’s

Sex at my disposal (Just kidding….no I am not)
Spending Quality Time with Someone I Care About (uhhh, I care about all (most) of the guys I date)
Stability (whatever that means)
Sharing ( you know, the long pillow talks, after sex are my favorite, it’s like you’re naked & you have nothing to hide…you’re vulnerable…or at least basking…)
Emotional Connection (uhhhh)
Romance (the kind that is in those movies Hollywood has tricked us into believing)

Emotional Attachment (emotional insanity)
Not Being Able to Date or (heavily) Flirt with other Guys
Becoming Monotonous (Boring)
Settling Down (What if there’s something better?)
Not Ready (If 30 is the new 20, 29 is the new 19 right?)
I'm scared (seriously)

One doesn't outweigh the other. Am I missing something, is there something (someone) that will compel me to take the plunge?

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Other Guy

So I’ve talked about Recycled Booty before. And I think recycling can be a good thing if done properly. Especially since guys make such a BIG deal about the NUMBER of men women sleep with, and assume/dream/wished, you’ve only had 3 sex partners in your whole life, one of which includes them. So we women, just recycle. It DOES NOT add to the number or notch on our belt, and we still get laid...everyone’s happy, we look like “Angels” who have only had X amount of sex partners, when really......(I won’t divulge all of OUR secrets)

In any case sometimes recycling can be a bad thing, and it just may be time to go out and get some NEW...(fill in the blank)

Recycled From Early Last Year

So if you haven’t figured it out, the recycled booty on Sunday was in fact Tony. Since then we have talked or texted almost everyday and I seen him briefly at an “artsy” thing Wednesday night. Last night and yesterday afternoon, he sends me various text messages before we have an interesting late night convo, after my date with the senior citizen (side note, it’s funny, when we go out, he NEVER uses his SENIOR DISCOUNT):

His Messages
1st text: Can I C U 2night?
2nd text (3 hrs later): I’m really into u
3rd text: Can I c u tonight
4th text: I want U to ride me until you CUM

My Responses:
1st response: I’ll call you later
2nd response: U are 2 cute!
3rd response: Maybe
4th response:

I tend not to respond to sexually LACED text messages and pictures of “Johnson’s”, unless I’m drunk, horny or drunk and horny...he got the point. We talk after I get home, and he basically says, it’s not about SEX and he really likes me and is really into me....CAUTION. STOP. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200.00, GO STRAIGHT TO JAIL.

Ok maybe too dramatic, but, I don't believe him...I know my "lovin" has made a few propose after the fact, but for me it's TOO much TOO seriously, it's been 3 weeks? We haven't really had that many deep thought provoking conversations, dates, quality time...

Thursday, January 8, 2009


To Accept or Not to Accept, That is the Question???

Ok. At first I didn’t feel the slightest conviction about ALL of the plans the Old Man had for my birthday, until I told a friend about him sending me to the Spa. Her response was that it was “too much”. After dinner the other night which was $100.00 (and the infamous card), and tonight’s plans for a comedy club ($$$), and tomorrow’s appointment at the spa (which by the way is $115.00), I feel like his “SEX-PECTATIONS” may be increasing... so now, I don’t know how to deal with all of this. I WANT TO BE SPOILED, but at the same time, I don’t want him thinking that it’s been almost a year, and it’s time for me to “give him some”, especially after lavishing so many gifts on me.

My Good Diva says to pay for the date tonight, but my BAD Diva says, it’s MY b-day week, and I DID NOT ask for ANY of these gifts, so to sit back and enjoy, and to keep my CHASITY BELT strapped tightly...

What to do, what to do?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Icing On The Cake (Update 2 of 2)...Is Birthday Booty In Store?

After Dinner

After dinner, the Old Man drives me home. By this time it’s about 10:30pm. I know although I don’t want to, I should be nice and invite him in:

Me: Do you want to come in for a MINUTE

Old Man: Of Course


We get in, and I regulate his movements in my place by closing doors... NO visits to the champagne room. We sit on the couch and talk. I’m fingering my “new” necklace, and he asks to see it. I was cognizant of the fact that he was probably a little jealous or may have felt a little “outdone”, but I couldn’t hide my JOY, as the necklace is SO me. After about 20 minutes of conversation, the Old Man starts yawning, he’s closing his eyes...

Old Man: Baby, I’m tired and I’m sure you are too, we should go to bed

Me: Yeah, it’s getting late, what time is it?

Old Man: 11 something

Me: I don’t want you falling asleep on your way home, I’ll get your jacket

Old Man: It’s so cold and rainy out. I won’t fall asleep, but with the may get icy, and it’s so warm in here

(I’m not stupid...)

Me: Awe baby, you’ll have to be careful, well let me get up and get your stuff now.

After He Left

I call Tony. He sent me a text message earlier in the day saying he was thinking of me. I think he forgot it was my birthday, we talk for a minute, then I receive a call. I get it thinking it’s the Old Man telling me he made it home safely. Nope it’s Mr. Henry. He called me 3 times throughout the day. We talk for a minute, then the Old Man calls... I ended my birthday night, WITHOUT birthday booty...but the necklace was THE icing on the cake!

Icing On The Cake....Update 1 of 2

Dinner & Background
So last night, the plan was dinner with the Old Man. So I’m a little “lukewarm” or maybe tepid on him. Why? Because it’s the little things that he’s failing to do. Before I left for Jamaica, he was telling me ALL of these things and plans HE had for me for MY birthday. So shouldn’t his Geritol kick in at some point so he can make the plans? Mind you I NEVER asked him to take me to the Spa, or Dinner or anything else, so I SHOULD NOT have to be the one to make the reservations and calls. I told him where I wanted to eat at. He kept suggesting other places, reading off other names of restaurants, and I was like no, I want to eat HERE. Long story short, I had to make the reservation.

We get there just in time to see the belly dancer. So as we are watching the dancer hypnotize us with her shimmies and undulating circles, I give the Old Man a gift (on my b-day) that I got for him while I was in Jamaica. That’s a big step, as I didn’t buy too much for anyone else. He was surprised, and was like “wait, you’re giving me gifts on your birthday”? Yep, that’s how I roll...

Here’s The Icing On The Cake
I get up and excuse myself to go to the ladies room and low & behold, I run into the “Owner”, who I met in August or September at an event he was hosting...and HE REMEMBERED me!!! I was so surprised. We talk for a moment:

The Owner: You look great, how are you?

Me: I’m good thank you, wow, it’s been awhile, I’m surprised you remember me. It’s so good to see you.

The Owner: So is that your boyfriend?

Me: No, we are dating. It’s my birthday.

The Owner: It’s your birthday? Happy birthday (he gives me a hug). I have something for you.

He goes to the wall, a necklace is hanging as decoration. He takes it down and him and another person there put it around my neck. At this point I’m speechless. It was really beautiful, and it looks like it’s really from Morocco. After hugs later, I return to the table.

Me: Look, look what The Owner gave me

Old Man: He gave you that?

Me: Yes!!! Wow, my first gift, I’m so amazed he remembered me. We only met once. Isn’t it pretty?

Old Man: It’s nice.

He was pissed off but tried to hold it in! After dinner, he gives me a card. It feels kind of chunky, and I’m wondering what’s in it. I open it, and it reads:

“It’s your birthday! What do you say we put on some soft music.... (I open it, the inside reads...) and nothing else” - then the song “Let’s Get It On” starts playing.

I bust out laughing... to be continued

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The BIG Day!

This morning (starting after mid-night!) I received a plethora of text messages, wake-up birthday calls and well far, REALLY good. I’m tired, but HAPPY (although I’m at work). Surprised at some of the calls and text messages I received thus far. Today will be a great day! Happy Birthday to Me :) I'm so excited!!!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Pre-birthday (Part 2 of 2): To Sex Or Not To Sex?

As I've said before, I get excited about birthdays...last night was definitely the "pre-game". So my company arrived after a few conversations and text messages later... he walks in and we hug. He gives me one of those BIG, I missed you hugs.

Mystery Man: Hey sweetie, you look great

Me: Thank you, you caught me in my PJ's ( I actually don't really own PJ's)

Mystery Man: Those are your PJ's???? Wow. I like them. I can tell you were sun-kissed as well...

Me: (smiling) Thank you, I laid by the beach almost everyday.

We sit on the couch and chat for a minute, then I suggest watching one of my favorite movies.

We women know whether or not we are going to have sex as soon as we hang up the phone. Or the thought of having sex at least crosses our mind. So we take care to perform the "pre-company" rituals - you know, showering, shaving, waxing, whatever we need to do to get "ready" as I'm running around my house like a mad woman, trying to straighten things, shower, and do the "pregame" ritual, the thought of SEX did cross my mind. I didn't make my mind up, but I got excited at the thought of possibly "getting laid"; I also became conflicted and thought about the other "players" (mainly one) in the Line Up.

As he sets up the DVD player I make us drinks. A few minutes later I'm laying on him and we are about 30 minutes into the movie, he starts caressing me. At first he's rubbing my back, and I'm thinking to myself how long will it take for his hands to roam south.... a few minutes later, like clockwork, his hands go a little further down...right at the small of my back. I turn over and look at him, and laugh...

Me: You're funny

Him: What???

He kisses the inside of my arm, then his lips find mine and we passionately kiss for a few minutes. I turn back towards the this point I'm horny... and my GOOD Diva and BAD Diva are fighting...on one hand I haven't had sex since October and I really want some...on the other hand, we just started back talking and I didn't want to jump back into sex, and while I was away I was thinking I might give celibacy a shot...

A love scene comes on...I turn my face towards him. He stares at me, he kisses the inside of my arm again...we go back and forth for awhile, tugging at clothes and pants, grabbing, kissing...I stop him. At this point I was still kind of undecided, so I decided to test him...

Me: Do you have protection?

Him: No, I didn't come over here for that.

Me: Hmmmm

So I don't tell him right away that I have protection. In my mind, I'm still weighing the pros and cons and ...then he starts kissing me again, this time on the inside of my legs.... the bad Diva won...

Pre-birthday ... (Part 1 of 2)

I love celebrating birthdays...I don't know why, I guess because mine falls right after the holidays and as a child, I always got slighted on my b-day, be it snow, funds, or having to go back to school, I never seemed to get a b-day party, b-day presents, or b-day as of late (the last 8 years), I guess I have been trying to make up for it, hence the reason I am so excited about it right now...

The Old Man has been planning all kinds of birthday fun. He's just as excited about my birthday (maybe TOO excited) as I am. He said he's sending me to the Spa, we are going to a restaurant that I've been wanting to go to with Belly Dancers, he's planned some other things as problem-o, or maybe two or three, I don't want to spend my WHOLE b-day week with him. I have a lot of options, and some of them, he doesn't necessarily fit into....point being, he doesn't like clubs, or going to clubs with the type of music I like to dance to. I know he will do it this week if I ask him to, but it will kind of put a cramp in my style....just a little bit. Plus....well....this may seem wrong....but.... I want to flirt and dance with OTHER guys. I don't want him to be all up under me the whole, this MAY REALLY seem wrong, but I'm having a birthday party on Saturday, and did NOT invite him.

I thought about it, long and hard. I've mulled it over, slept on it, and decided not to tell him about it, although he's trying to make Saturday plans for me as I type this..... a bit of a problem here.....

In Other News

Last night Mr. Henry and I had one of our longest conversations since I killed him. He asked me about my trip, we talked about some other random stuff, and he asked me if I wanted to go out to a lounge tomorrow for my birthday (after my birthday dinner with "friends"). I told him, I'll let him know, that I have to go to work on Wednesday, and that I'm having a b-day party this weekend, so I may not go out tomorrow (actually I'm not sure how long me & the Old Man will be together, and don't want to rush dinner just to hang out with Mr. Henry)...he said he may come by the party to drop a gift off....not holding my breath on this one, he didn't show up last year and didn't even call me on the Big Day, which caused me to not talk to him for about a month or two....see the pattern here....that's why I SHOULD NOT deal with him....

My Jamaican friend also called me last night to make sure I made it back ok. He's a sweetheart, but I'm not a long distance type of girl, so, the calling, texting, and trying to keep in touch thing is going to get old REAL quick...especially since he's international, and calling rates are like $2.00 a we will NOT be talking, unless he calls me... I will admit, we had a nice date my last night there...from walking along the "Hip Strip" in Montego Bay, to relaxing at a little Jazz spot; it was a romantic, cute little date...

Part be continued

Jamaica: Third Time's A...

So I made it back yesterday. They say, the third time is a charm, but mine was between Purgatory, Heaven and Hell, if I were Catholic. Don't get me wrong, it was relaxing, as I laid on the beach everyday, and even went on a date, but it was F'N boring this time. It wasn't the party on wheels fun that I had the first two times and have come to expect and enjoy. I guess a near drowning experience, lack of NYE Action, getting the 3rd degree by Customs and the lack of (fill in the blank) can do that to I give it a:

3 for Fun
5 for Beach
7 for Food
10 for Friendliness
10 for Great Weather Everyday

I still love Jamaica, and will be back with Brian next month, so I have high hopes for the 4th time.

When I got back on US soil, I talked to a few people, including Old Man Benjamin, Tony & Mr. Henry...guess who came over and just left about 20 minutes ago???

Friday, January 2, 2009

New Year, New Theme Song

It's not really my style to make a ton of New Years know the one's stop drinking so much, go to the gym more, don't go out with old people, stop drinking so much (yea, that's a BIG one for me)...

Instead I try to practice things throughout the year & to make life-style changes. And although it's a new year, and I'm sure I can have some "new beginnings" my resolution is to not make resolutions!!! (I never really do anyways)

Instead, I'm going to "enhance" my already adventurous life with some new things...the first one being a new theme song!!!

While laying on the beach and going through my MP3 Player, trying to listen to songs and music I never listen to, because I usually skip right to the Reggae or Prince...I came across a legend in his heyday....when I first brought his CD, I was like WTF. But then I just listened to his musicianship, and came to realize, this man was freakin great...

So my new theme-song is "Stone Free". This is my perfect song, because so many people (some friends) are fucking (I'll tone down my language this year) judgmental. And while laying in my chair, sipping my green rum spiked drink, this song was playing...I had to listen to it a few times...and I decided, the honors go to Jimi Hendrix... "Stone Free" to do what I want.....

Happy New Year, see ya in a few days with updates!!! I love Jamaica...