The Post You've Been Waiting On...The End Of Brian (2 of 2)

So, Sunday...after the second bar, Brian & I parted ways briefly. I meet up with Devin on U Street, and Brian has dinner with one of his friends. We then meet back up about an hour later...yeah...it was like that.

There were so many times I tried to say something, but it came out like this __________. The more I thought about it, the more I drunk. By the time I worked up the nerves (after 6 margarita's & hookah) it still didn't come out. When we finally got in our cabs to part ways...I called him. Still nothing. This morning I punked out and sent an e-mail instead.

In sending the e-mail I didn't expect a response, nor did I really want one. It was really for me. The e-mail is extremely personal to me, but I couldn't explain the end of Brian without sharing it.

Diva

________________________
First let me apologize for my actions. Yes, I know I got drunk, and you were probably irritated with me, and well it wasn’t a good look in general. I didn’t want your last few days to be “weird” and I guess everything has been building up for me. I’ll admit, I get really emotional internally and don’t express myself well enough outwordly. I try to cover up my feelings with humor, lack of acknowledgement, and other stuff I really can’t get into, but I’m working on it, is all I can say...

Knowing you has allowed me to look within myself more and to recognize my own faults and short-comings. I realize knowing you, I have learned things about myself and other people, and I apprecite you for that. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, just as much as I believe in karma & fate.

I’m not telling you this for you, but for me. You’ll probably hate me for it, but I don’t care. I was in love with you. I am. For all of the right and wrong reasons. For reasons I couldn’t comprehend or put my finger on. I realized it in February and couldn’t process it. It sounds stupid, I’m sure, but something I’m working on is telling people how I feel, and then moving on.

I really value & appreciate your friendship, and all of the things I learned from you and in turn learned about myself. Everyday I live, I strive to be a better person, a happier person, living life to the fullest.

I wish you safe travels and a blessed & fulfilled life. If you ever need anything, just ask.

Keep in touch



(End Quote)

The Post You’ve Been Waiting On....The End Of Brian (1 of 2)

I promise, this is my last last post about Brian...well I don’t mean promise per se, but well I do. This past week was an emotional rollercoaster. Like I knew it was coming, but then again I didn’t. I really don’t know where to begin....

Wednesday Night - I hung with Brian and was irritated. Him and his roomy were getting on my nerves, I was PMS’ing, (damn mother nature) and was forced to face the fact, that I really couldn’t put my finger on why I was mad at him.

Thursday Night - Again we hung. I found out Saturday, that this was the night Brian was mad at me. I had no clue. I didn’t do anything differently, he tried to explain it to me, but well...*shrugs*

Saturday Night - I wanted to hang with him, I did, but I was so tired from my trip that I just crashed...

Sunday, now this is where shit gets interesting. I decided to be the sweet Diva, and to hold up part of my end of the bet we made a few months ago. I got a card, put half the bet money in there and a picture of us in Miami, I didn’t write any sappy comments, cause that’s not my style, but Brian appreciated it, and laughed at the fact that it was just half of our bargain. We started the night out in Georgetown at a bar, so things are good, conversation, drinks....and BAM, out of know where guess who was there??????. Brian pointed her out to me.

Brian: There’s your girl

Me: Who

Brian: Your girl, there in the black....you see her

Me: Damn

Side Note: At this point, we still haven’t talked, and I never got around to sending that e-mail...until this morning (End side note)

I had no choice but to walk pass her. I stop we all say hi. She introduces us, then Brian & I head to the other side. Awkward...Brian said it was fake.

Brian: I take it you guys haven’t talked

Me: Yep

Brian: That was fake

Me: Why’d you have to go rain on my parade, I was cool until you pointed her out

Brian: You need to just tell her

Me: I will. I started the e-mail, I just didn’t finish it. I just don’t feel like dealing with it right now....but I will...


We stayed at the bar a little longer, then left and went to another bar (to be continued...)

26 Hr. Marathon - In Theory It Was A Good Idea...

Ummm, so much to say. I am still adjusting to the fact it’s Monday, and I had an interesting weekend. So New York. What can I say. The plan was to not have a plan, and ummm well the spontaneity was exciting, but I’m not sure if I can pull another all nighter like that. Devin and I took the bus to New York around 2pm. That was the longest damn ride ever. We were supposed to get there at 6:15....three hours after the fact, we finally, finally made it to Penn Station. Not one’s for letting that ruin the night, we went and had dinner, found a cool spot called “The Groove” hung out there until 3am, found a bar a block away and hung out there until 4am...then we had 3 hours to kill before our return to D.C. I was dead, literally. I was so tired I was delirious, I thought I seen a kangaroo (probably an NYC rat), and never fully recovered on Saturday.



Last night, we hung out for about an hour together on U Street, and decided we’re going to try to do NY again this weekend.....



About Devin

Devin is just a friend, so don’t get too excited! He’s cool. He actually works for me, sorta. He’s attractive, a little goofy and nerdy, but a sweet sweet guy. He loves to have fun, but is into the “eclectic” type fun. We’ve hung out before- never like this. He just got out of a relationship, and with Brian’s departure, it’s a perfect match. I get my male hang out buddy, and he gets to have fun with me! What more can I ask for???

I Have That Affect On Even Myself...

Ummm, so much, so little time. Let's see. Well I'm going to New York with a guy friend today at 2pm. (Did your jaw, just drop?) His name is...."Devin". Yes, I know, first time you heard his name. I like to shock and amaze, what can I say. Last night he asked me what I was doing. I told him I was hanging with Brian.

Devin: Then what are you doing tomorrow?

Me: Ummm, nothing. We should hang.

Devin: Let's go to New York

Me: Sure

Devin: Ok, let's do it.

After we make our plans, I get ready for a night out on the town with Brian...and well, it was a night. Not a party fun time like we usually have, but we cleared the air a little with our profound conversation, while sipping on a cool refreshing drink, surrounded by uptight people. A few times I tried to tell him how I felt....but it came out like this _____________________.

I had no problem telling him, he was an asshole, and telling him how he tried to feel me up while this French chick was in the cab with us last week, whom he was banging. You know what he did...shrugged. I told him I thought he was an asshole and that's not the first time he's tried to feel me up. His response:

"I know I am an asshole, and I'm working on that, but I'm a good guy, and have a good character, so people don't stay mad at me for being an asshole" (end quote)

An Open Letter To Diva

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Catch Up!

Neila inspired me to write a post to catch lurkers & new followers of the blog up on the who, what, when, where and why. Before you continue to read this post any further, visit these posts....go ahead, I’ll wait.

How Brian Met Diva

Mr. Henry, Part 1 of Many Blogs

Mr. Henry Before & After Part 1 of 2

Weird Guy From The Gym

Tony, Tony, Tony




Now the QUICK synopsis. I’m not seeing anyone seriously. Most days I really don’t want to. I haven’t seen Tony since early March although we text and talk from time to time. Mr. Henry...well it’s a love/hate on again off again thing. Right now it’s off on my end because of his recent comments, re me sleeping on Brian’s couch. If Mr. H asks me something, I tell him. The thing is when I tell him he gets mad...well don’t ask me!!! That solves that right!

Brian, well as you guys know, he’s leaving. In fact the movers packed him up Monday. We are just friends. Nothing sexual has happened between us, unless you count the sexual tension that’s under the surface sometimes...and my "crush" on him

There are unmentionables, not really worthy of a post right now. The guy I went on a date with most recently who was late still texts; then there are a few other guys I meet here or there and it doesn’t come to fruition.

So hope this helps! Back later with updates on my convo with Brian yesterday

Slutbuckets & Lost Keys

I decided if... ( A BIG IF) I go to New Orleans next week to hang with Brian, I would may at some point tell him about my previous crush on him, despite his slutbucket, male whore-ish ways. I didn't have a crush on him because he's a slutbucket & I want(ed) to test the one eyed monster in his pants. I had (key word: HAD) a crush on him because of conversations we had. I had a crush on him because he pushed me to run when I was ready to quit when he was my work-out buddy. I had a crush on him because he's all about self improvement and happiness. I had a crush on him because he was about educating self and learning about every religion and everything, whether it's a conflicting belief or not. I had a crush on him because when I called on him in the fall to help me at an event, he came through for me. Mr. Henry's trifling ass, whom I've known 8/9 years longer than Brian never called back.

I had a crush on him because of the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his daughter, and the patience he exhibited no matter how many times she called him "Daddy" when she was here, but didn't have a follow-up sentence. I had a crush on him because he accepted my, drunken dancing on the stage almost nude ways and didn't judge me in Jamaica. I had a crush on him because he slept next to me when I was ten sheets to the wind, naked and horny, and "respected" me. I had a crush on him because he talked up my fabulous-ness to other people in front of and behind my back.
I had a crush on him because when I called him at 2:30 am yesterday, he hopped on his motorcycle and came to the rescue, despite the fact that a best friend who is now obsolete, never even called me back this weekend in regards to me being locked out, with no place to go, and having something to do that was majorly important on Sunday.

I had a crush on him because of our similar backgrounds and when I told him that a family member close to me has a gambling problem and I cleared my 401K for them, he was understanding and supportive and offered words of support and wisdom. Despite his slutbucket, male-whore-ish ways, Brian is a good dude. I feel comfortable and safe around him. Even when I was rubbing his back while he was throwing up his Corona's & Long Islands from the night, before I tucked him in...that he was a good friend.

Yea, I'm seriously thinking about telling him about my former crush on him. But I will probably sober up chicken out and keep it to myself for eternity.

In Other News Not Related To Dating:

I haven't talked to P.A.T.T. since Saturday. She (the first female) earned a spot in the Do Not Answer slot in the silver bullet (my cell phone). Here's the story. As I said before earlier, I was in a rush and locked myself out my apartment on Saturday afternoon. As soon as I realized my absentminded-ness caused me to be homeless not able to get into my place, I called and texted P.A.T.T. because she had my spare key (which I usually keep in my truck, because of scenarios like this). In anycase, I told her I was headed to Brian's BBQ (invited her) and that I was cool for the time being, but to let me know where she would be so we could meet-up. The biatch, girl that I thought was one of my BFF's, responded back and said ok. After a few hours at Brian's place, I text'd to see where she was at. She was 30 minutes away from D.C. but she said didn't have the key with her. She said she probably left it at her Dad's place or in the car of a married man whom I suspect she use to tango with in the past a friend's and that she would try to contact him. A few hours later I text/call for an update on her location and the location of the key to my love shack beloved apartment, and she then responded that she was in Baltimore and she apparently couldn't get in touch with said friend.

Side Note: Not a likely story since her & said friend seemed to be attached at the hip for the last few weeks, the way Brian and I have been. I digress.

Through-out of these calls and s.o.s messages, I made it be known that I HAD SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO DO ON SUNDAY, and that I needed to get into my place.


Long story short, she never got me my key, which resulted in me sleeping on Brian's couch and calling the former Russian Mafia locksmith guy to drill a hole in my lock. 48+ hours later, still no word, no call to see if I was ok, if I got in, if I pissed on myself & needed a shower. Nothing. So she's in "the box" with a lid on it.

Time-Out Box

So this week(end) was f’ing interesting on so so so many levels. Everything from locking myself out of my apartment (twice), to Brian being so drunk, he decided to “take a little nap” on the streets of Georgetown at 2am on Saturday, to me putting Mr. Henry, P.A.T.T. and Tony in the “time-out” box, here’s the summary of my 5 vodka filled days (6 if you count tonight):

10. If I owned stock in vodka, any brand, even Popov, I’d be rich, albeit, I’d drink most of my shares...

9. Hung out with Brian Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and last-night. Spent the night Saturday night...

8. Tony text me Friday & Saturday wanting to “see” me. We had so many random conversations about “us” and seeing each other. I don’t want to “see” him like that

7. P.A.T.T. is the first to enter the ‘time-out” box this weekend. Saturday at 1pm, I realized I locked myself out of my apartment. I call/text and send flare messages, just short of calling the National Guard, to get my extra set of keys from her. Long story short, the biatch (yes, that’s not Diva like) never came through. Sunday morning, I flushed $139.00 down the toilet, just so the locksmith could get me in my place.

6. Brian had his going away BBQ Saturday. Hung there, then he & I hit the streets of Georgetown later. We go to our trusty faithful, and he either got roofied or can’t hold his liquor (that was a first). He decided to pee outside, on M Street (the main walkway), lay down on the concrete, and throw-up outside of his apartment building...(the night didn’t end there, tell you about it later)

5. Friday is a blur. I had so much fun, I sobered up towards the end of the night, when this guy “insisted” on taking me home. Being the quick, clever, ultimate smart chick that I am. I tricked him. I sent him back in the club to get me some water. As soon as he was out of eyesight, I hailed a cab and took my ass home...

4. Guess, dude didn’t have “hard” feelings. The next day he called me and said that was hilarious. He came back out with the water, and said I “disappeared".

3. I forgot to mention on Thursday night, Brian was flirting with me too, when I was sandwiched in-between he and his roommate in the cab. I told them, and I quote “I’m not fucking you guys”. Roomy was “offended” and said that, no one even mentioned sex...but you were thinking it, dude. His Roomy ended up leaving Friday & not staying for Brian’s going away party....that was lame...

2. Mr. Henry was the second to enter the “time-out” box. I was telling him about me being locked out of my place & the whole P.A.T.T. situation. He asked me where I slept, and I told him on Brian’s couch. He said, “you didn’t sleep on the damn couch”. I told him I had no reason to lie. Had I not said anything he would have never known...

1. Last night after Brian and I chilled. I dropped him off. 2:30am locked myself out my apartment again! I called him and he saved the day. I need some Ginkgo Biloba, stat

Somewhat Sober Now

I have no idea what I was trying to blog about last night. I don’t know who the “client” is. Seriously. I was three sheets to the wind. But Brian’s roomy WAS “thirsty”. He tried to talk to me, then he tried to talk to PATT, then he tried to talk to me. Seriously dude???

I had so much fun last night, I’ll probably be suffering all day. I didn’t get home till after 4am, knowing I had to get up & go to work. Somehow, Brian & Roomy talked me into hanging at their place after the club. I ended up fixing myself an omelet (no I did not cook for their “hungry asses”) and waited for PATT. I don’t know how we got split up, but she saved the day and took me home.

T-minus 6 days until Brian’s departure. He invited me to go to Louisiana to visit him and hang for the Essence fest in two weeks.

Thirsty Roomy: Gaterade Should Help

So tonight I met PATT, Brian & his roomy out. His roommate seemed dehydrated. Like he hasn't had water in months and Sunday's.

The client is cool, but my approach to dealing with everything will have to go a different route. In anycase, Im happy for the distractions....