The Waiting Game

Ok. I haven’t broken down and read the latest two books to be ALL THE RAGE yet. In fact, I’m holding out. Why? Lots of reasons, some, my own personal belief, that a man can’t tell me how to be a lady, but another one... “who made you the authority on dating? And you aren’t even in my age bracket?” I had this discussion with a couple of different people this weekend, and although I have come to MY OWN conclusions, I want to know what you think? (I know the overall themes of the books are supposed to be good, but...)


How Long Should You Wait to Have Sex With A New Potential Partner?



Here’s my view.

As a woman, I don’t think it matters how long you wait, what you say, or what you do? I waited for different time periods for different reasons. Really, I think the maturity level, in some cases how you meet, if you guys are both in the same mindset and the conversations before and after are what count.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you are looking for something meaningful and long-term, then, there’s a slim to none chance it’s going to happen with a one night-stand (although I’ve heard of success stories), however, if you are waiting and holding out, in hopes that it could blossom into something, well that could backfire too!

I have many experiences to back up my points-of-view. I will share, but what I want to know (from the guys as well). Guys, is there a time frame, in which you say, “Hmmm, she must be the one because she held out for _______ days”???


The books in question: "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" and "He's Just Not That Into You

Friend or Foe?

Jamaica, Revisited

Ok, so the antics Brian is pulling, has me thinking. I'm not trying to over analyze the situation, but I've been contemplating it all weekend.

So when we were in Jamaica, he had ample time & opportunity to try to make a move. He didn't. After sleeping in the same bed, naked at times, he was extremely respectful, and kept his hands to himself. There were a couple of couples there that I talked with, and they were saying how highly he talked me up. Also, there was a situation, where I was talking to three guys, in which to someone who wasn't privy to the conversation, may have felt I was in a dangerous situation. Brian came over to "check" on me, and made me come with him...

I want to ask him, but I mean, what is he going to say?
"Yes, my roommate and I were trying to get you to come back so we could have a threesome" or "no, I would never do that to you, my roommate was trying to talk to you".


I deleted his number.


Last night, when we went out, I didn't bring it up, but I told him he was a womanizer and I didn't like him.


I made sure to delete all the text messages too.


And his e-mail address.

WTF? (Again)

What the hell? I'm at a loss for words. Seriously. I hung out with Brian yesterday. His roommate met us out. His roommate HIT ON ME (a lot, and extremely hard). He tried to get me to go home with them. Then he had Brian to text me, to see if I would come over.

Now don't get me wrong, his roommate is cute, not my type, but cute.

What the hell?

Diva The Investigator

So, I have told you how much I loathe online dating...but, well I'm going to give it another go around. In my first official day of perusing the sites, getting responses & such, I come across two "creepies". And guess who I have to thank for it????? GOOGLE!

Google is the shit! I'll be the first, second, and and third to admit, I Googled (you know you are guilty of Googling yourself, admit it) a few people. And guess what? Two of the guys that contacted me are fucking creeps. Yep. I said it.

One, e-mailed me, talking about what a great catch he was. I found out, courtesy of Google that he was arrested and charged in 2006 for allowing patrons to use his club as a prostitution ring for minors...WTF??? I never would have found that out on the first date! And, it's not a case of mistaken identity either!!! He was/is the only person with that last name in the area...and the first name, that matches the last name. Now, maybe he reformed, but, Diva had to conduct her own background check. I had two stalkers in college...I must cross the t's and dot the I's.

The Second Guy e-mailed me, and has a fetish. I googled his e-mail address, and he posts on fetish websites, but in his e-mail to me, he said he wanted a "Christian woman", who believes in God and goes to church and he goes to church, blah, blah, blah (which I don't claim to be holy at all, and never responded to him). But he's posting on BBW for random sex hook-ups. Makes you go hmmmmm.

I wonder what else Google will reveal.

I love Google. I'll admit, though, I only have Googled guys I met online.

Guys I meet in person, not so much. They usually reveal their true selves within the first conversation/date/interaction, i.e. jailbird guy from a few weeks ago.

Two Ways to Take It

He started again. Brian. Ass smacks. Now, it's been awhile, (i.e. at least 7 months or so) I'm going to just blame it on the alcohol, because really, I don't know how to take it. Last night, we, along with P.A.T.T. went out. We danced the night away (literally). So here's the funny thing, maybe it's not that funny, but Brian had out of town company visiting. A girl. And...he left her at his place. Friday, he told me he was sick of her, and couldn't wait for her to leave...Last night, he left her. So when I asked about her & what was going on, he said...and I quote..."I'm done with her" (end quote)

Damn.


In Other News

I met this guy (whose name I can't remember) and, I don't know if I was seeing things, but it looked like half of his gums were split. Think dentures on the top, but for half of the top row. I can't explain it. It reminds me of this one time, when I met this guy with coke bottle glasses. I have no problem with guys who wear glasses, in fact, the right pair, is sexy, but I digress. So anyways, it wasn't just his glasses, that were bad. It was everything. But, when I met him, I had vodka goggles. So later that week, he calls me, we set up a date, and on my way to the meeting spot, I walk pass this guy. I see him, but I divert my eyes (eye contact, gets you in trouble) and silently pray it's not him. I walk in the place, sit down, and order a drink. I'm watching guys come in, about 5 minutes goes by, and the "No Eye Contact Guy" walks in. (Shit) Then he walks straight towards me, and low and behold, it's the coke bottle glasses guy!

I smile, and we exchange pleasantries. So there were some other things, that the vodka made me forget. He had a glass eye! And his other eye, was cockeyed! So at this point, we're talking, and I can't help but to look at him. I'm all for eye contact, but I didn't know what to do!!! I'm not a rude or superficial person, so I try to make the most of the situation. I pick a spot on his forehead, so it looks like I'm looking at him while we converse, without being rude.

So aside from his glass eye, which I could have gotten past if he was sexy, his conversation was LAME. He said he was a music producer, and he was working on his music career (like whatever dude), and the list goes on...

So yeah, that's who the guy I met this weekend reminded me of. This time I didn't have vodka goggles. More like tequila.

Lost Memo

"Where’s the Memo? I think it got lost." - Diva

I pretty much had a typical weekend without the typical results. You know, hanging out Friday night with Brian, falling off the wagon; spending Sunday with Mr. Henry (it’s not what you think). Actually, we ARE still friends, however I think the Memo, I delivered to him last week, got lost. Maybe I shouldn’t have delivered it so early in the morning. He called me 4 times, count them FOUR times yesterday.

1st Call (left voicemail): Wanted to see if I wanted to go to the gym with him
2nd Call: No voicemail
3rd Call: Wanted to know if I’d bring “spirits” to his place
4th Call: Wanted to know if I was hungry, he was cooking dinner


My response, the gym was closed, I was tired and going to take a nap, and would call him when I got up, and “what are you cooking”. So I went to his place, with a bottle of wine in hand. Had dinner with him and his two roommates and as not to stay too late, left a little over an hour later. He walked me to my car, and we had a quick chat. Then he KISSED me.

Yep, the memo was lost.

I take full responsibility for not “clearly” delivering the memo last week. Maybe I still flirt with him too much, or maybe he didn’t have his morning coffee, but, I need to express it to him again...


Oh, btw, he told his roommates about my trip with Brian in February. I should have never told him.

Confessions

So I've been holding on to a few secrets, that need to be unloaded, in no particular order...

1. I've been thinking about moving out of the Country a lot more lately

2. I think guys that are smart are hot!

3. I walked pass my old gym, and thought about joining again just for the eye candy...it makes no sense because my gym is in Virginia, but I live and work in DC...

4. Now that I'm starting fresh with new guys, I feel like I need to do some other "drastic things"

5. I love watching hot (in every sense of the word) men run, who have nice bodies, and take their shirts off. One almost caused an accident last summer. WARNING: do not drive while breaking your neck to look at the hot jogger, forget talking on the cell phone & driving, driving & gawking should be against the law

6. I can't wait for warm weather

7. I'll rock a "hoochie" dress with class, and turn around and wear a business suit the next day...

8. I'm not a label whore

9. Victoria's Secret is my favorite online store, I'm a pantie whore. I LOVE cute panties...I hate bras

10. I think I really liked Tony for the sex, but he had to go and mess everything up with his bi-polarness, random banter, weirdness...damn him

11. I thought about becoming celibate, but that's like me saying I'm going to stop drinking. I'm going to become celibate...

12. I really do like Brian, a lot, but he SLORES way too much for me. I'm going to get him a going away present. A t-shirt that reads "Reformed Slut" or "I'm in Sluts Anonymous"... he'll like it. Trust me

13. (We're still on Brian) The fact that he slept with Monster's Inc. was such a turn off. I don't think I can look at him the same

14. He's still sexy

15. I need to get back into the gym

16. I hate, absolutely hate online dating...I'm thinking about doing it though...I'm bored

17. I haven't had a good cry in a long time, I mean a good one, I feel like I need one just to balance things out, but then again, I love being in my Happy Place...can't remember the last time I cried.....hmmm

18. I went to a nudest beach, I didn't intend on getting naked, but someone blasted me out, and was like, "she's not naked!!!" Security came over and told me I had to get naked...WTF?

19. I wonder how long I can stay on the wagon. I went a record of 10 days once...

20. I fantasize about romping with Brian, well until the Gremlin incident. But I don't actually want to have sex with him ( I think), it will ruin the fantasy...although 2, count them 2 of my friends are trying to be bad influences, and told me I should romp with him before he goes to Texas....bad friends, bad...

21. I'm tired as hell, but can't fall asleep, maybe I should have a glass of wine...wait, I'm on the wagon...

Commonsense

Last night was tough. Went to a concert with Brian. We got bored, so we drunk.... a lot, then we went out. Now I’m sitting at work, swearing off vodka, long island’s, beer and whatever else I consumed. Brian was smart, he took off of work today. Me...well I’m suffering...

I know I’ve said it before, let’s not bring up the past though...

I AM DONE WITH VODKA


In Other News

So the date I was supposed to partake in on Tuesday...well it didn’t happen. I cancelled it (told him I wasn't feeling too well), and asked him to move it to today.....I want to cancel it again...what excuse can I give today???

He Took It Like A Champ

Damn, the hardest thing I had to do this year, just happened about....uhhh 5 minutes ago. It was probably harder than standing in the ring with Laila Ali...but in the end, I feel lighter... and I think he took it like a champ....I think.

I didn't necessarily want to have the conversation over the phone, but I didn't want to do it in person either. He called me around 8 something, I was busy. I called him back around 10:30p, he said he had to call me back.

The conversation took about 11 minutes...I really didn't know what to say. Although I was playing the monologue in my head all day, when it came down to it, I forgot my lines, I was like a dear caught in headlights, getting ready to be someones dinner...so it just came out...not like I rehearsed it, but none-the-less, I think he got the point.

Round 1

Me: Uhhhhhh.

Old Man: You said you needed to talk

Me: Yes, about that...

Old Man: Just spill it

Me: (in my head: "SHIT"!): Well, I've been thinking about it lately, and Sunday solidified it, I want a relationship, but I'm not sure that's something you're ready for ( just a little white lie). I know this is pretty heavy, and loaded, and we probably should've had this conversation in person, but if I didn't say it now, I wouldn't have (true)

Old Man: Well we can still have it in person.

Me: No

(Round 1 Draw)


Round 2:

Me: Are you surprised?

Old Man: No, I knew this is what it was going to be about, either us being together or us being apart, and it's timing is perfect. We've been seeing each other for awhile now, and maybe it's time to progress, you're special to me

Me: Uhhh (speechless)

(Round 2, winner by a slim margin, the Old Man)


Round 3:

Me: I need my space

Old Man: OK? you need your space?

Me: Yes, I have a lot going on, and I haven't been myself, and I do want a relationship, I'm just not sure it would be right between us. So just give me some time to sort things out

Old Man: So do you want me to call you?

Me: No, I'll call you...

(Round 3, winner by a TKO....me!) Ok, maybe not really, but, I think he got the point. I'm free at last, free at last!!!

Epiphany in the Shower

"Showers are where I come up with some of my greatest ideas." - Diva


So this morning as I was showering, I had an epiphany! I didn’t want to talk to any of the guys anymore. The guys being Mr. Henry, Tony & the Old Man. Before I lost my balls (figuratively speaking), I began making the moves. The first one on the list Tony.

Tony - Came over last night. As we were laying there having pillow talk, he asked me a question I absolutely despise. “So, why aren’t you in a relationship”. I mean I really, really hate that question. Maybe it’s the way a guy says it, or maybe it was the fact that he asked me after we fooled around, but it’s so loaded. It’s like he’s trying to figure me out or size me up. I wanted to retort, and say “cause you’re a manic depressive and I only like you for the sex”, but I didn’t. I gave him some b.s. answer and changed the subject. We talked awhile longer about him going to therapy, not working, (nor looking), and about other nonsense, then he left.

I know it’s not right, but I sent him a text this morning. 1) I knew he would be asleep, 2) I had to do it right then and there before I changed my mind 3) I wanted it to be the first thing he see’s when he gets up.


Mr. Henry was next. He doesn’t light my fire. That’s it. I like him, but I don’t wanna have sex with him anymore. I called him after I sent Tony a text.

Me: You up? Did you go to the gym?

Mr. Henry: Yeah, I woke up late, I’m gonna go tonight

Me: I decided I don’t want to have sex with you anymore because I want a relationship (lie), and I know you don’t want one (true), so I think we should just be friends. Don’t get me wrong the sex is good (not anymore), but it’s getting in the way.

Mr. Henry: You’re right, I’m not ready for that

Me: Good, but we can still be friends, ok, get ready for class, I gotta go


Last but not least...the Old Man. I called him, but I knew he was at work, and the conversation would be too loaded and he’d have a million f’n questions.

Me: Good Morning

Old Man: What? You called me? I can’t believe it, Kitten never calls me in the morning

Me: Yep, hell must have froze over

Old Man: You sound good, it is cold outside. How are you my dear?

Me: I’m good. We need to talk.

Old Man: About what?

Me: Relationships, us. I know you are at work, so tonight ok?

Old Man: Do you want to come to my place?

Me: No.

Old Man: Why?

Me: Because I don’t.



So that’s it, in a nutshell. No more romping with Tony or Mr. H, no more dating the Old Man. Just tired of them... In other news, I may be going on a date tonight with someone new...we’ll see how I feel.

Monsters, Drinks, & No Hangovers: The Weekend In Review

Friday Night

Sometimes I wonder when am I going to get tired of partying. I hung out Friday night. I mean REALLY hung out. I Started at 6pm with happy hour free drinks, that you can't turn down, because well it's FREE. Met a few people out, but no one could hang like Brian & I. We went to three spots, yep three!

And of course we were up to our usual antics of clowning around. Everything from dancing in a burger place, while wearing a crown on my head, to telling people he was my brother...there goes any possibility of us having sex, cause it would be like incest now, right... but we had soooo much fun, we did it all!!!

The next morning he sends me a text:

“I’m gonna kick ur ass”

I call him.

Me: No you’re not sucka, what’s up

Brian: You let me go home with a Monster last night

Me: (ROTFL) Ha! No I didn’t. I told you I was leaving, I told you she wasn't cute, you didn’t want to go. Did you wake up and want to gnaw your arm off for the fear of waking her?
(Disclaimer: I'm sure the girl is nice, but I knew he'd be mad in the morning!!!)

Brian: Damn, I thought of that too, yes...

Me: Well we're even!
(Long story, re Tony hearing Brian in the backgound on our way to the second club, thought I was on a date... yes I called him, but it was the alcohol...)


Saturday

Was pretty much a bust. I was still tired and worn out from Friday. I told Tony, Jailbird, and Mr. Henry I would hang with them, but called none of the above, until like 1am.


Sunday

Was so nice outside, I wanted to just bask in the sunshine and warmth all day. I hung with the Old Man.

SIDE NOTE: I’ve been doing the slow fade with him, because I have a HARD TIME having the “I don’t want to see you anymore talk”. So I don’t answer his calls or text messages as much anymore and I no longer see him like 3 days a week, like we used to.

We went to the movies, walked the streets of Georgetown, then we went to dinner (Another side note: I paid for the movie snacks and half of dinner, but he was like “are you sure”?). He was ok, but a little annoying. To celebrate the warmth, I wore a mini skirt, button down, and boots, not really summer or winter wear, but somewhere in-between. He kept trying to feel my legs up. I had to smack him each time his hands got anywhere near em’. He’s super duper touchy feely, but in a way, that’s annoying. Kind of like, a fly that harasses you all day, and you just want to swat it and squash it, until it flies no more.

He told me that I’m acting different....“ya think”. I told him he was annoying and he annoyed me. He thought it was funny, but I was telling the truth!

Plans With Brian

So Brian and I have some tentative plans coming up. We are also trying to work in another trip. Friday the tentative plan is hanging out at the club all night and “dancing the night away”. Next week a concert and we are still trying to work out something in regards to another fun-filled, what happens there stays there vacation.

I’m trying to hang out with him as much as possible because......he’s moving. My best guy bud, who I have a crush on and sometimes fantasize about while I’m romping is MOVING all the way to Texas!!! I’m sad about it, because I don’t have anyone to replace him and yes....I will miss him.

Guess I’ll be putting out another ad for a work-out buddy, who likes to vacation with me, sleep in the same room, same bed, no touching, club, party, drink, and dance, and is sexy as hell.

My Sunday With Mr. Henry

So Mr. Henry and I hung out all day on Sunday. We started downtown, and went bar hopping, we headed to Dupont Circle for more bars, stopped at a sports store, popped into a toy store, stumbled upon a strip club (it was not intentional), and went to dinner. We ended the night at my place and woke up to a semi-snow storm. So, throughout our DC Sunday adventures, we talked, kissed and talked.

I’ve come to realize something yesterday. We’ve know each other for almost 10 years now. Gosh, almost 10 years!!! That’s a decade. You’d think we’d move on and stop this sham. Well, I guess it’s not a sham, but when I think about it, the way I thought about it yesterday...I always come to the same conclusion. I love him...but as a friend. Just like I love Chuck, Brian, my brother, well I love my brother more if I had to quantify it. So yes, I love Mr. Henry....as a friend. I’m not “IN” love with him. I can’t see wedding bells and reception parties in our future...so why do I still hang out with him???

I dunno. I haven’t gotten that far yet...

The New Not Gonna Happen Guys

Awhile ago, I said if you put all of the guys I date into a room, they wouldn’t have much in common. Well last week, I met three guys. Two of them work in my building, well actually one does now, the other one got relocated, and the other guy I met in my neighborhood. So here’s the juice:

New Guy # 1: We’ll call him “Adam”. So Adam worked in my building up until last week. He didn’t work at my place of employment, but I’d see him every morning on my way to my office. Out of kindness, and just being cordial, I’d wave to him because I had to walk pass the door to his office. He was the security guard there, so he sat right in front, and seen me every morning. Well one morning a few weeks ago, he got the courage to ask me for my number. At first I was leery about giving him my number, because of the fact he worked in my building, which is just too close for comfort; however I didn’t want to be rude. So he calls me the same night.

For lack of a better word the conversation was torture. I hate when a guy calls me, and breathes on the phone. I can only do so much to facilitate the conversation. So in my head, I already made up my mind about him...he’s not a keeper. Aside from his lame-ness, we just aren’t compatible. I mean, I asked him what he did for fun, and what did he like to do. His answer, not much, the movies. He doesn’t get out. WHAT??? That’s like foreign to me. We live in a city full of everything from museums, to concerts, art openings, bars & clubs, and the list goes on, and “You Don’t Get Out??? NEEEXXXTTT!!!

Oh, and P.S. He doesn’t travel. Born & raised in DC, and his claim to fame when I asked him if he travels, is Maryland, Virginia, & South Carolina. DC sits in-between Maryland and Virginia, so they don’t count in my eyes, I’m sorry, but that’s not enough.


New Guy # 2: The next guy is “Terry”. Terry works in my building, as the main security guard for the whole building. He’s new to the building, so when I noticed the normal guard wasn’t around anymore, I asked him if she went on vacation. From that day, he’d stop me, talk/heavily flirt with me. Last week he asked me for my number. He called me and was pretty much...boring as Fuck. I’d rather read “War and Peace” than to sit on the phone with a man who cannot hold an interesting enough conversation to keep my attention. Also, he was pretty much like Adam when it came to “extra” activities and traveling. I’m not a travel snob, but it boggles me, when I meet 30 something year olds whose idea of traveling is visiting the state next to their home state. It gets my panties in a bunch when I meet a guy who was born & raised in a city, has lived there all of his life, and has no inclination to “try” a DIFFERENT city or state. If you don’t like it, you can always move back home. Am I crazy for “thinking outside the box”?

Last but not least, New Guy #3: This guy took the cake. I mean really took the cake. I’m going to call him “Cain”. I met him when I was coming out my neighborhood corner store in search of last minute ingredients for my last minute dinner. When I walked in, I seen him look at me. I kept going. Got my things, walked out the store; he was outside waiting. He asks me if he can talk to me. I let him walk me half-way home and we talk. He’s cordial, proper, clean-cut, pretty cute, and a gentleman. We exchange numbers. He calls me a few days later and we set-up a “semi-date” for Saturday. He asks me if I want to come to his place, or should he come to mine. I tell him neither. “I don’t know you like that”. He tells me he really wants to hang with me, it’s his “god-mother’s” birthday, he wants me to come with him. I meet him there. He’s cuter than I remember. He introduces me to everyone. He introduced me to one person as his future wife! It’s laid back, cool, chill, everyone is having a good time. He caters to me and checks on me throughout the night.

Afterwards, we go to his place and his neighbors come over, and we play poker. I head home before they leave, as not to give him any ideas...so here’s the cake. He tells me this, while we’re at his family’s house...he was in JAIL for 6 years for selling drugs! WTF? Hell no. He tells me the story. His biological mom died, and he started selling. Ok, so I’m doing the calculation in my head...that means he just got out of JAIL....uhhhh sorry, I can’t do that. It’s a hard BIG pill to swallow. I’m not judgmental, but WTF??? What the hell? What were you doing for 6 years while you were in jail??? Who do you know/hang out with? What are you doing now??? I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. I don’t care how cute you are.