Monday, March 2, 2009

The New Not Gonna Happen Guys

Awhile ago, I said if you put all of the guys I date into a room, they wouldn’t have much in common. Well last week, I met three guys. Two of them work in my building, well actually one does now, the other one got relocated, and the other guy I met in my neighborhood. So here’s the juice:

New Guy # 1: We’ll call him “Adam”. So Adam worked in my building up until last week. He didn’t work at my place of employment, but I’d see him every morning on my way to my office. Out of kindness, and just being cordial, I’d wave to him because I had to walk pass the door to his office. He was the security guard there, so he sat right in front, and seen me every morning. Well one morning a few weeks ago, he got the courage to ask me for my number. At first I was leery about giving him my number, because of the fact he worked in my building, which is just too close for comfort; however I didn’t want to be rude. So he calls me the same night.

For lack of a better word the conversation was torture. I hate when a guy calls me, and breathes on the phone. I can only do so much to facilitate the conversation. So in my head, I already made up my mind about him...he’s not a keeper. Aside from his lame-ness, we just aren’t compatible. I mean, I asked him what he did for fun, and what did he like to do. His answer, not much, the movies. He doesn’t get out. WHAT??? That’s like foreign to me. We live in a city full of everything from museums, to concerts, art openings, bars & clubs, and the list goes on, and “You Don’t Get Out??? NEEEXXXTTT!!!

Oh, and P.S. He doesn’t travel. Born & raised in DC, and his claim to fame when I asked him if he travels, is Maryland, Virginia, & South Carolina. DC sits in-between Maryland and Virginia, so they don’t count in my eyes, I’m sorry, but that’s not enough.

New Guy # 2: The next guy is “Terry”. Terry works in my building, as the main security guard for the whole building. He’s new to the building, so when I noticed the normal guard wasn’t around anymore, I asked him if she went on vacation. From that day, he’d stop me, talk/heavily flirt with me. Last week he asked me for my number. He called me and was pretty much...boring as Fuck. I’d rather read “War and Peace” than to sit on the phone with a man who cannot hold an interesting enough conversation to keep my attention. Also, he was pretty much like Adam when it came to “extra” activities and traveling. I’m not a travel snob, but it boggles me, when I meet 30 something year olds whose idea of traveling is visiting the state next to their home state. It gets my panties in a bunch when I meet a guy who was born & raised in a city, has lived there all of his life, and has no inclination to “try” a DIFFERENT city or state. If you don’t like it, you can always move back home. Am I crazy for “thinking outside the box”?

Last but not least, New Guy #3: This guy took the cake. I mean really took the cake. I’m going to call him “Cain”. I met him when I was coming out my neighborhood corner store in search of last minute ingredients for my last minute dinner. When I walked in, I seen him look at me. I kept going. Got my things, walked out the store; he was outside waiting. He asks me if he can talk to me. I let him walk me half-way home and we talk. He’s cordial, proper, clean-cut, pretty cute, and a gentleman. We exchange numbers. He calls me a few days later and we set-up a “semi-date” for Saturday. He asks me if I want to come to his place, or should he come to mine. I tell him neither. “I don’t know you like that”. He tells me he really wants to hang with me, it’s his “god-mother’s” birthday, he wants me to come with him. I meet him there. He’s cuter than I remember. He introduces me to everyone. He introduced me to one person as his future wife! It’s laid back, cool, chill, everyone is having a good time. He caters to me and checks on me throughout the night.

Afterwards, we go to his place and his neighbors come over, and we play poker. I head home before they leave, as not to give him any here’s the cake. He tells me this, while we’re at his family’s house...he was in JAIL for 6 years for selling drugs! WTF? Hell no. He tells me the story. His biological mom died, and he started selling. Ok, so I’m doing the calculation in my head...that means he just got out of JAIL....uhhhh sorry, I can’t do that. It’s a hard BIG pill to swallow. I’m not judgmental, but WTF??? What the hell? What were you doing for 6 years while you were in jail??? Who do you know/hang out with? What are you doing now??? I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. I don’t care how cute you are.


Cheekie said...

LMAO @ these guys.

I really have nothing much else to say because I'm laughing so hard.


Are you laughing at the Jailbird part, or the I travel, I've been to Maryland and Virginia, because they are only like 5 minutes from DC part?

P.O.W said...

Whats with all the biblical names? Gods trying to tell you something(In my best Shug Avery singing voice) LOL I know what you mean about all these small minded men. I live in a hick town and these people believe this is the end all to be all and there is nothing else. Drives me crazy.

favorisntfair said...

Whew...those are some serious first Clearly these are all big no's. And ditto on the people that don't travel. Not feeling it either.


@ Dani B - LOL, I didn't realize I chose two biblical names...I chose Cain on purpose, since he's a jailbird and all, and well the bible Cain probably should have went to jail...but I wasn't maybe he didn't kill him....I dunno!

Adam was just cause I couldn't think of another "A"

@Christin - yeah, these guys have no clue....none what-so-ever, it's a shame...oh well more salmon in the sea :)

Anonymous said...

I'm still laughin at my desk. BUT not to be a SNOB.. well I am kind of a snob.. but stay away from the security guards PERIOD.. they are arse hounds anyway .. cause all they see is arse all day..
for the jailbird I say .. maybe he's reformed and at least he was honest.. what does he do now?


@ Jolie - Then I should have ran when Tony asked me for my number because he seen it all day when he was working at the gym....and he's a Musician!

Mr. Jailbird works at the post-office and has only been out for 7 months, I don't know how much reform can happen in 7 months, but I'd be too scared to deal with him....he might have some old enemies or something....not sure He's nice and cute, but I'd rather not go that route...unless of course he was the last man on earth, then I'd have no choice!

Journey said...

Jail dude...thats a tough one, I mean things happen, people change. Thing is, would you have thought "man this nig must have been in jail" before he told you? If the answer is yes, then thats a 7 months though? thats kinda early.

Security guards? If it turns that really the first face you want to see 5 days a week?