Was That Supposed To Be Closure????

That wasn't fair Klein...

Fuck closure. That was the idea, behind the come get your shit movement. Closure. This weekend was crazy. Ok, let me start in order. Friday night vodka got the best of me, and lets just say I ran into some of Klein's co-workers. The next day they told him I was inebriated (well in their words fucked up). He told them I wasn't his gf anymore and that I broke up with him. He calls me to get my side of the story, I blow him off because I was on my way back to Mr. H's.

I spent all day Saturday at Mr. H's place.

No sex with Mr. H. In fact, I couldn't even think about bringing myself to letting him nibble my muffin. I thought about it, but I wasn't turned on by the thought of him. In fact, I was probably dryer than the Sahara desert when thinking about him getting close to my lady parts....my mind was somewhere else. I left his place around 3:15am, Klein calls me at 3:45am. I knew he was going to call. I push silent and go to sleep.

Tonight, man.......where do I start. I study, eat, nap, Klein comes over for the "pick your stuff up, I don't want it in my house anymore closure event". We talk. We talk about why it wasn't working, we talk about maybe later in life, He apologizes and says he's sorry he wasn't the man I wanted him to be. We talk about us....He tells me I was the best gf he ever had...he was supposed to meeting his boys in 15 minutes.

We hug for a really long time.

We say stuff that's deep.

I tell him he should go, it's late and he's gotta meet his friends.

He says he has time.

We kiss.

He tugs at my skirt, and I tell him no. "Remember you're practicing Ramadan"

He says he doesn't care and wants to do it.

He tries again. I try to stop him.

He gets on his knees, and kisses me.

I try to stop him again.

He says he wants to.

On the floor in my living room, he gives me the best oral conversation ever, and gets up and leaves.

Damn fucker.

I was supposed to meet my friends out tonight, I was on my way to Mr. H's...gotta get it together...I can't believe he just pulled that....

Q & A Session: Clarifications

So I wanted him to feel comfortable...he looked rather perplexed, intrigued and like a deer caught in headlights. So I made the first question easy.


Me: Did you enjoy staying the night in playing games?:
Old Man: YES (he held up the card)

Me: Ok now your turn
Old Man: Did you like the meal I prepared for you?
Me: YES

Me: Do you wonder why/ or does it bother you that I haven't invited you to my place yet?
Old Man: DEPENDS
Me: Why
Old Man: I'm not mad about it, I'm just curious as to what your place is like. I want to see what you are like at home, your personality so to speak...


Old Man: Does our difference in age bother you?
Me...(after a long pause, I hold up 3 cards): YES, NO, DEPENDS
Old Man: Why give me an example
(I go on to explain to him about the time I went with him to his friend's place on Election night, and how that lady was "fishing for info", and how I wondered what his friends thought of me, if they asked who I was, and how I was the youngest, (by at least 20 years) person there)

Old Man: Do you think about having sex with me?
Me: YES, but...I feel like sex could be a really good thing or a really bad thing. We've taken a long time to build a relationship, and I'm scared about what would happen if the sex is bad
Old Man: Wha...
Me: Because I know how I am, and I'm scared of the ramifications after we take it there

Me: You want to have sex with me don't you?
Old Man: (Grins): YES, DEPENDS
Me: Why depends
Old Man: Kind of what you touched on, on the ramifications that could happen afterwards

Me: Are you seeing/sleeping with other people?
Old Man: Have I slept with other people, yes
Me: REALLY (I didn't see that coming.....wow)
Old Man: It was awhile ago
Me: REALLY???? How long ago
Old Man: I don't know, a month or two
Me: Wow. I didn't expect that..... that's not that long ago( I really, didn't expect that, I was almost speechless)

We talk somemore about sex and how I didn't think he was having sex based on some things he has said, that I drew assumptions from.

We then go on, back and forth about our past, and what we want right now. Basically, he understands I'm not ready for anything serious, I understand he is seeing other people as well, and I told him, that if we ever did take it there, and decided to have a sexual relationship, then I would want it to be monogamous (although at this point I still can't see us having sex)....

...but there is one thing I didn't mention....he didn't ask me if I am/was seeing other people, and I'm on the don't ask, don't tell policy....guess he didn't want to know.....

Cookies, Convo, & Clarity

Yesterday was the day I dedicated to the Old Man. The plan: Dinner at his place (he promised to spoil me) and then a night out listening to live music.

I arrived at his place around 4p (I know, twice in one week!). When I walked in, he had the mood set. Music, warmth, food on the stove simmering, the oven full, and cookies. (one of the many ways to my heart). So a few things you should know about the Old Man, 1) he doesn't cook much, 2) he's a self proclaimed vegetarian (he eats seafood on occasion).

He cooked everything from scratch. Cookies and all!

He had me to try a cookie first...(ugh, ick, wtf??? Just a few things that came to mind)

Old Man: Sooo what do you think

Me: Ummmm, they are....

Old Man: I made some changes, I used honey instead of sugar

Me: Oh

Old Man: I can tell by the look on your face you don't like them

Me: Nooo, they are ummmm... good ( I ate another one to prove to him they were...gag)

Old Man: Do they need sugar

Me: Yes!!!

Dinner was much better. After dinner, we laid on the couch and tried to decide whether or not we were going to brave the cold weather & to go listen to the band he picked out? ( It was so cold, I couldn't even think straight.) We opted to stay in. I asked him if he had Scrabble. He went to the basement and came back with three board games. The first one was some ancient game, that I never seen or played (waaaaay before my time), but managed to beat him four times! Then we played Scrabble (yes, the party girl is SMART!). I killed him in that, then I made up a game for us to play...QUESTIONS.

I knew he wanted to "TALK" and he had questions. We pulled the cards from the Scruples game (yes, no, depends, halo, pitch fork).

Me: Ok. Here are the rules. We can ask each other seven questions. You lay one of these cards on the table, and that's your answer. No question is off limits. But you ONLY get 7, ok?

Old Man: (holding up the cards) So these are my answer choices....

Me: Yes

Old Man: (silent)

Me: Want me to go first

Old Man: Yes


(to be continued...)

Imagine It

It's getting cold out, pretty soon, I'll be hibernating until spring. I've been contemplating more and more about inviting the Old Man over. We've been talking everyday and in so many words, he said I "could have whatever I like" from him. It came up when we were joking and I said something about quitting my job and being homeless and moving in with him.

We have all types of random conversations and I try to imagine what would "it" be like.

1. What would it be like to SERIOUSLY date someone 31 years older?
2. What would he look like naked (I'm seriously grossed out right now, a little bit)?
3. What would, S-E-X be like?
4. What would his first visit to my place be like?

Funny thing is, I met him in February of this year. It's going on almost a year.....hmmm, who would have thought

Twice It's...

So Sunday, while I was out and about doing my own thing, I ran into Tony (Weird Guy from the Gym). I forgot what the saying is, but isn't it like twice it's happenstance? It was weird because I almost half expected that I would run into him, but that was like two hours earlier before our chance run-in.

We gave each other a hug. He held me a little bit longer than expected. We had that awkward pleasantry "wow, it's good to see you" conversation. You know, act surprised, smile, blah, blah, blah. But this time it didn't feel as forced as our first run in.

Tony: Heyyyy (yeah he does that a lot)

Me: Hi, how are you?

Tony: Good, what are you doing here?

Me: I just had dinner, on my way to buy a laptop, you? This isn't your neck of the woods

Tony: Waiting on a friend, we're going to a show

So after 10 minutes of pleasantries, he walks me to my truck and asks me for my number again. I give it to him. (don't ask me why) We hug & say our good-bye's. So one awkward, wtf, "why are you asking me this" moment during our conversation was he asked me what happened to us, that everything ended abruptly, all of a sudden he didn't hear from me. I'm getting better at biting my tongue and not saying the first thing that comes to mind, which would have been, "You we're acting weird as f***", but I waited 5 seconds before I answered...cool points for me!

He called me tonight. We almost talked for an hour. He was much calmer (no red bull & coffee highs). But he still asked me a lot of questions I wasn't prepared to answer. Why me?

Inquiring Minds...the Million Dollar Question

Last night Old Man Benjamin & I had a wonderful date (with the exception of bad food & an even worse movie). We started the night out going to an Independent movie theater to see a movie (Ashes...something) that was in subtitles. We both agreed the movie was horribly long, hard to follow and boring. We should have just walked out...but we stuck it out.

Afterwards we found ourselves at the restaurant P.O.W. and I took Island Prince and Willard to. I got a little nostalgic but kept my composure! The Old Man and I had a fairly long conversation. He said he was curious as to what I think about and what I want out of life, love, blah, blah, blah. I reiterated the fact that I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I like how things are slowly progressing with us. He then asked me the million dollar question. What do I think about HIM?

You could hear a pin drop. Whoa, I wasn't prepared for this question. I took a deep breath. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to" he said.

I took my time (an eternity to him). I took another deep breath and then proceeded to tell him why I like him.

After dinner we took a Pedi-cab (also know as a Rickshaw) back to his car. It was a little romantic…for a moment.

An Hour and a Half

Tonight was the night I allocated for taking care of business. Fortunately & unfortunately, I skipped out on the stuff I needed to do, but it was for a good cause! Chris and I talked for an hour and a half!!!! Talked. Actually talked, for a whole hour and a half!!! No texting, no e-mails...real live conversation! We talked about everything (except sex & why he didn't take advantage of the fact that, I was laying next to him, in cute tight short shorts, waiting for him to make a move).

Everything from the debates, to our families and background, to drive, ambition and motivation came up! I haven't had a conversation like that with anyone in the line-up in a long time. I guess the last person would have been Brian while we were in Miami, where we had no choice but to talk to each other!

I have a new found respect for Chris now. Interesting.