Superbowl Sunday, Not So Super

I used to follow sports and was a huge sports fan, however I wasn’t really excited about the Superbowl, so I didn’t do the typical “superbowl” things of preparing snacks, food, etc. Besides, I was tired from spending the night/morning with Mr. Henry. Saturday night, the Old man and I agreed on him coming over at 5:45p to watch the Superbowl. A few things that irked me:

He didn’t call me at all to confirm
I called him a few times and his phone went straight to voicemail
He calls me at 6pm telling me he’s down the street
He comes in, and knows I’m upset with him, and still tries to hug me and lay up under me
He knocks over my drink within 5 minutes of being in my place

I didn’t fix dinner as promised, and was a bit “icy” towards him. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like/want him to come over. He’s 56, but when he gets to my place, you would think he was 16. It’s like he’s so excited to be there, that he doesn’t know what to do. It reminds me of a puppy/6 year old kid/senile Old Man, all wrapped up into one pint sized body.

He did a lot of things that irked me. The more he did, the worse my ‘attitude” got. I mean come the fuck on. At first I couldn’t put my finger on it about him last night. Then it hit me...he’s not MANLY enough, he lacks that “swagger” or “it” factor. For example. I offer him something to drink, he declines. Ok. No big deal. When he called me at 6, to say he was on his way, I told him I hadn’t heard from him, and that I am not fixing anything. He says no problem, he’s not hungry. Well when I make me something and eat it, he doesn’t say anything. I ask him again if he wants something. He says no. About 30 minutes later, he asks me if I have any tylenol or aspirin because he has a headache from hunger.

Me: I asked you if you wanted something to eat

Old Man: Well I don’t know what you have.

Me: You said no.

I give him a packet of Advil. He whines, and asks me to open it for him, he can’t open it. I retort, “no, man-up and open it yourself”. I go to the kitchen and fix him something.

I try to watch the rest of the game in peace, but he keeps making little whiny noises so that I will look at him, and ask him what’s wrong. I don’t. I don’t coddle men, and baby them. And he is no exception.


So last night here were other cons I thought about:

He’s too F’n whiny
He’s too small for me (he’s like 5’4 and a buck thirty)
No sex appeal
No confidence
Doesn’t make me feel like he could protect me

Pro's & Con's

So after our date on Sunday night, the Old Man had and still has me thinking. What would be the Pro's & Con's of a relationship with him...


Pro's
He'll be getting Senior discounts soon
He'll be up for retirement, which will allow more time for hanging out
He can tell me about all of the Social Security (SS) benefits I will be missing, since SS probably won't exist by the time I retire
He can tell me if Ensure really works or if I should go with Boost instead
He probably has tons of experience, and I can learn new tricks from an Old Dog (or is it the other way around...hmmm)
He'll be the envy of all of his dirty old friends...60 is the new 20
He probably doesn't want anymore kids since he has kids and grandkids
Since he's older than my parents, he can tell them what to expect when they retire
He calls me Kitten, but then sometimes gets a little forgetful and calls me "Cupcake" (My Dad calls me cupcake, he can't do that!)
He knows all about Recessions & Depressions since he's like...old as...(fill in your cliché term)

Con's
Uhhh, did I mention he has sons my age???
I wouldn't want him to have a heart attack while horizontal "dancing"
When we go out, people think I'm his daughter
Sponge bath's
He'll be up for retirement, which means he may not allow me enough "space"
I may have to start spoon feeding him in less than 5 years
60 is NOT the new 20, maybe the new 50...but definitely not 20
He doesn't know who JayZ is...(that was quite funny actually...)
You can't teach an Old Dog new tricks
If we were to get married, I'd be his kids Step Mother...ha!!!! (that's not funny)