The Vault

I’ve been on a ton of dates, some really, really great one’s and some from hell. Since it’s wet and rainy here, I decided to dig in the Date Vault, and tell you about this one time...in Purgatory Hell.


I attract all types of guys. You name it, I attract it. Well remember Fetish guy, i.e. Stalkerface? The reason why I am not giving him a chance is because he reminds me of this guy I met a few years ago. I don’t remember his name, but let’s call him...Mr. Holy.

So I think Mr. Holy and I met online. In fact, we did. It was when Mr. Henry was living with me, and I was at my wits end, because of our “situation”. So I decided, enough was enough. I was going to start seeing other guys.

Now, Mr. Holy was extremely attractive. He worked out at least 3 or 4 days a week. He had a beautiful smile, and was tall, dark and handsome. I think he was in the military or something. Anyways, after some e-mails and phone conversations, we decided to meet. I picked up Indian food and went to his place. (I know, bad Diva) He supplied the horrible cheap wine (can we say I hate white Zinfandel, it’s like the worst ever), he said he didn’t drink, and didn’t know what to get. Uhhh, anything but this crap I thought. But whatever, I only planned on having one glass.

So we are sitting on the couch talking and this nutcase, I mean, nice guy, starts getting all Holy on me. He’s quoting Bible verses, and saying how he is a child of God, he doesn’t drink or smoke or do drugs blah, blah, blah.

So I’m sitting here with Mr. Holy, trying to come-up with my exit strategy, when he asks me if I want a massage.

Side Note: Guys think they are slick, they will offer a back massage, next thing you know, they are in their socks and silk boxers, and you’re wondering why he has clap on, clap off lights, and slow background music playing in the background. And they always insist you have to remove your bra, shirt, etc. so they can reach your back.

I digress.

So, I’m hip to game. I’ve been in this situation many a time.

Me: Naaa. I have to get home.

Mr. Holy: You scared? I just want to give you a nice massage. Trust me, I’m a man of God, and John....something, something says...

At this point, I’m thinking to myself, this guy is really a nutcase. I need to exit, now!

I go to the kitchen and put my glass & plate away. He follows me and asks me if I want more crap wine. (No Thanks, Nutjob, you might put something in it)

Me: I really better get going

I reach for my shoes and purse.

He steps into my personal space and tries to give me a kiss.

I check my phone. It’s 9 something.

Me: I’m sorry. I really, have to go. But we’ll finish this another time.

After trying a little bit harder to convince me to stay, he finally gives up. I don’t know, maybe he went and prayed or something.

So yeah, that’s why I have a thing with Stalkerish guys, who claim to be “Holy”.

He was a nutjob and a half.

(P.S. I looked in his medicine cabinet, and he had a ton of cold sore lip medicine...that freaked me out)