Saturday, January 10, 2009

I Do, But I Don't. The Abyss

Relationship vs No Relationship

Everything including what happened last night/this morning, has had me thinking; from Mr. Henry, to the Old Man, to Tony, to my Jamaican friend… to comments (commenter’s), as to why I AM NOT ready for a relationship. I want one (EVENTUALLY), don’t get me wrong, but I DO NOT want the stuff (emotions) that goes with it…

The Diva’s Relationship Pro’s & Con’s

Sex at my disposal (Just kidding….no I am not)
Spending Quality Time with Someone I Care About (uhhh, I care about all (most) of the guys I date)
Stability (whatever that means)
Sharing ( you know, the long pillow talks, after sex are my favorite, it’s like you’re naked & you have nothing to hide…you’re vulnerable…or at least basking…)
Emotional Connection (uhhhh)
Romance (the kind that is in those movies Hollywood has tricked us into believing)

Emotional Attachment (emotional insanity)
Not Being Able to Date or (heavily) Flirt with other Guys
Becoming Monotonous (Boring)
Settling Down (What if there’s something better?)
Not Ready (If 30 is the new 20, 29 is the new 19 right?)
I'm scared (seriously)

One doesn't outweigh the other. Am I missing something, is there something (someone) that will compel me to take the plunge?


Anonymous said...

i really know what you mean.
i can't give you any advice. i do think that if after a year of dating someone and you don't feel the relationship should be it probably shouldn't be. it is scary and i'm afraid of it all over again. have any of them asked you to be their queen?

do you not have some of the same stress you would in a relationship by just dating?
when you're ready you will be ready that's what they say.


Hmmm, see that's the thing, last year (08) i decided I like having my freedom, I like being single, I like talking to/flirting with multiple men and I enjoy it.

But I also enjoy the other things that come with BF/GF status. I want my cake & ice cream, and I want to eat all of it.

When they guy(s) ask me what I want, where this is going, "what are we" I tell them, I'm not ready for a relationship, I don't want a relationship, or we are FWB's ( I only told that to Mr. Henry) And they are usually cool with that...

I think the Old Man & Tony (after a little bit of Drama last night) would be the exceptions.

I don't think the Old Man wants to get married again, but I think/know he wants more


PS, no one has asked for the Queen's hand in 08 except ex "Mr. Good On Paper" but that's another blog

Anonymous said...

i hear you. i like the emotional sanity.(like you said)

i meant to send you this link



Anonymous said...

lol good list..I agree and Emotional insanity??? That's my cue shoot. I definitely know alllll about that....damn caught up feelings...Anyway, if you want to have your cake and eat it too, maybe an open relationship would be good for you. The only cons you'd have to be worried about is the attachment. And also, sex...i mean if you're like me, if I'm having sex with someone on a regular basis ..i wouldn't feel comfortable if they were sleeping with other people. and also..if you're like me, it's the act of having sex (enough times) that gets me attached..well in addition to all the qt and other relationship-like qualities.... but yeah. I mean, if you're not comfortable yet taking the plunge..just don't. The ol man might be getting old and obviously wants some lol so maybe he wanna rush ya or something but w/e. You're under 30 and child-less. Take your time and just do whatever you wanna do. When you're ready, you'll be ready. You just haven't come across anyone that makes you want to take that plunge. When it's right, I'm sure you'll want to.

Reign said...

You’ll know you're ready when you meet him.

If you're dating these guys and you have no motivation to commit then he's not the one and you're not in that place yet. I was the same way before this last year; just like you '08 has so far been the first year without a proposal from a dude I was never committed to. But the last two dudes, one for 07 and another I'm still hanging with from 08 made me think about seriously settling down. Before that I wanted it all. I hated the thought of having to answer to my BF if I wanted to go out of town to hang with a guy friend. I loved the freedom and I'm still a natural flirt. But when I met dude, I wanted nothing more then to have him all to myself and wanted no one else. The rest is complicated, lol! Don't force it, do you and let it happen naturally.