Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Post Jamaica

Wipe The Slate Clean - Start from scratch. Out with the old, in with the new...

So I got back into DC at the butt crack of dawn after suffering many delays at the airport. Tony picked me up. We get to my place and the door is opened. I look at him, and I'm like "I'm not going in there"...he gives me that look like I'm not either...so we call the police and I have to wait yet again. After getting the "all clear" we go in, and nothing was stolen, whew... just happenstance.

We make it in, and I'm exhausted like silly exhausted I don't know what to do with myself. I take a shower and he's in my room, looking at my books. He noticed I received the one I wanted off of my wish list. He asked me when & how I got it, that he brought me one for Christmas and never gave it to me. He was going to give it to me for my birthday...well too late buddy!

So after our first round of horizontal dancing, we're laying there having pillow-talk, and he starts getting sentimental on me...and in my head I'm like "Ohh fuck", but out loud I'm like "really"....see the thing is, I've had a change of heart, re Tony.

The week before I left, he was being flaky. So the night before I left, I gave him an ultimatum so to speak.

Me: Look, one minute you're telling me how much you care about me and want to spend time with me, then the next minute, I don't hear from you in 4 days. No text, no call, no nothing.

Tony: I know, I've been going through something's, and I told you about my problem, when I get down, I get really down, and I shut down

Me: I understand that, and I'm not disputing that, all you have to do is drop a quick text or call and say that. I'm leaving in a few hours for Jamaica. I'll be gone for 5 days. That will give us some time to determine what we want. When I get back we can talk

He basically goes on to say how he wants me in his life, blah, blah, blah. Before I left, I thought that's what I wanted too, but I've had a change of heart...and now he decides he wants to be with me.

I don't want to be with him anymore.

We spent the whole night and all day yesterday together.

I still don't want him anymore.

Even after he said he wondered what our kids would look like, and that he'll take care of the house if I don't want to, and do the cooking & cleaning.

Nope, no change of heart.

When he asked to look at my baby pictures, and told me how much he loved my eyes, my skin, my body, my spirit...

I still didn't have a change of heart.

Even after we had hours, upon hours of amazing can't be described sex...I still don't want him.

Isn't that a bitch?


Tunde said...

Damn. That sucks. Why does it seem we never want the people that want us, but we can't have the one's that we want?

So, is Tony really out the picture or is he is going to be a "friend"?

Cheekie said...

So what is it about him that made you have a change of heart? It has to be something major, especially considering the alleged great sex. ;)

Anonymous said...

Da*n Diva... well at least you have clarity and know exactly what you don't want from him. I wouldn't lead him on much longer and tell him what's up. Of course he'll probably take it bad, but you gotta do you.


@ Tunde - It's best to keep him around as a "friend"

@Cheekie - It wasn't him...it's someone else ;)

@mad - you're so right...we had the talk a few times, I'm going to wait though because I want to be absolutely sure I don't want what he's offering...

Christin said...

I'm glad you didn't get dickmatized and stuck to your original plans of not wanting him. On to Jamaica...:)

Anonymous said...

i'm trying to keep up with all these names.
in the meantime me and my toy have been getting close. lol
i've also taken up old hobbies. like drawing and reading. i'm so silly.
it's lonely. i took out a craigslists ad too.

i don't know ya'll so i can't give input. but damn i gotta step my game up. you got guys taking you on trips picking you up from the airport. meh


@ Christin - LOL wa to slide that in there...

@MLM - I hope you have rechargeable batteries :) Sorry.... ok, well at least you can catch up on all the books you've been wanting to read... why don't you walk past the military base...My uncle is stationed there...I'll tell him to look out for ya & to introduce you to some nice young chaps!!!

PS Brian & I went Dutch....so we had different flights...plus he has a motorcycle so luggage wouldn't fit anyways :) ... hence the need for Tony

Anonymous said...

you can slide me his e-mail address if he's cool with it. i hear they have american snacks on base. i'm like a chunky person i love my snacks.

DaniB said...

Sometimes it be's like that LOL! Refer to your post "good on paper".

Chaotically Calm said...

OMG Diva your mind changes like the wind much like me. I am totally having a similar situation with 21 Jumpstreet minus the freaky sneaky. Keep him has a "friend" but be honest about the happily ever after that's not gonna happen.