Friday, August 14, 2009

Signs of Stalkery Crazy People - Do Not Answer

6 Signs of Crazy ---- (This means you Brooklyn)

1. If he/she calls you four times in one day: Brooklyn called me four times yesterday. The first two times I was out & about & didn’t answer. I called him back to see what he wanted. He was just calling to say “hey” he said & to see if I wanted to meet up because he was in the area. After explaining to him that I was hanging with the chick friends, and then will be out of town, he was like “Oh”. Fast-forward about five hours later. Just as I’m getting home after my semi-bar crawl, he calls. I answer. The conversation. OMG. Words can’t describe it (in a BAD way). I get off the phone with him. He calls me back 3 minutes later. WTF dude?

2. He/She looks you up on Facebook, can’t find you & tells you he/she looked you up: Ok. I heart Google. I will do my research on a guy in a minute if I feel the need to do so. However, I am not going to “admit” “friend” or stalk said guy through social networks.

Brooklyn: I looked you up on FB but couldn’t find you?
Me: (I don’t want to be found idiot) Ummm, I don’t go by my last name.
Brooklyn: I used your e-mail address too
Me: That’s not the e-mail address I use for that account

3. If he/she talks about marriage excessively within the first 10 conversations: Not only did Brooklyn talk about marriage, he used the words “us”, “we”, “kids” in sentences.

Brooklyn: I really want to get married.
Me: (silence is golden)
Brooklyn: Don’t you wanna get married? I can see “us” having our two kids together
Me: (WTF)
Brooklyn: I’m really feeling you, if you like someone what’s the worst that could happen

Pump your breaks little one. I don’t know you. I don’t know your last name. I just channeled my inner psychic capabilities, and you did not appear in my future! Sorry.

4. He/She talks EXCESSIVELY about how much they like you in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd conversation: Red flag. Ok, they could be trying to get into your panties (boxers if you’re a guy) so they think flattery works. Wrong. Yes, I love compliments, but when you get too excessive with it, I start to zone out. Furthermore, that does not work with me. You loose cool points.

Brooklyn: I don’t know what it is, but I’m really feelin' you
Me: Thanks
Brooklyn: No, really. You’re smart, attractive, mysterious. Like I wanna know everything about you.
Me: (Pause, on twitter)
Brooklyn: You’re different from girls I’ve dealt with in the past
Me: (Twitter is addictive)
Brooklyn: I really really like you. You’re gonna be my future wife
Me: (#WDDDA)

5. He/She tries to tell you woe are me stories: Do not, do not talk about how bad you got it, how hard it is for you, nor about ex relationships. I don’t ask, therefore I do not want to hear it. Brooklyn started out good the first couple of times we talked, but then it just went down, down, down hill. He basically committed involuntary suicide.

6. He/She should not ask you to move in with you: Runnnnnnnnnn. Words can’t express it. I don’t know where to begin with this portion of the convo. Needless to say, Brooklyn went from saying we should move in together, to I’ll pay you to sleep on your couch. This is where I had to end the convo.

Me: I do not know you like that
Me: I don’t need a roommate, nor am I looking for one
Me: Deuces

He is forever known as do not answer

Thank God he doesn’t know where I live, what I drive & where I work. Fucking crazy ass.


Missmocha said...

Okay at first I just thought he was a young man who knew where he was going and what he wanted but not I think you crazy stalker.

Normally chicks are overzealous and start planning weddings and changing their last names. WOW.

Ms. Minx said...

OMG, I died laughing...whoo.
Yeah, so I remember you mentioning the marriage stuff on twitter, so I kinda figured something like this was coming...

Glad he made his crazy stalkery self known pretty early, cuz if he'd known more about you, this would be quite the saga, lol!

Cheekie said...


That mofo went straight crazy on you, like Gnarls Barkley.

I can't believe this Brooklyn guy is REAL. What in thee hell...

BlkBond said...

LMAO! Diva...where..o, where do you meet these guys? This is like watching a dentists pull teeth...out someones nose. Pathetic.


StudentOfLife said...

Whoa! Crazy is a nice word for what he is... desperate didn't even do him justice. He was playing in the completely wrong ballpark and probably the wrong sport altogether! Sheesh! Kids these days!

Felicia|DaLipstickBandit said...


that is!

all i can say..that's why you don't give out certain details when you're dealing with someone you don't know too soon....

Mista Jaycee said...

Run and buy a cloaking device Quick!

StarrBURST! said...

WOW! I'm glad he showed you his true self EARLY! He deserves the Stalktastic Award of the damn year!

Chaotically Calm said...

ROFLMFAO...yep that's all I have to say!

Tunde said...


no offense but this is the type of behavior that i would expect from a woman. he needs to get some testicular fortitude and stop acting like a punk.

Don't Be a Slut said...

You did great to get rid of him. Sheesh.

favorisntfair said...

What ya doing to 'em Diva? lol...this is crazy for real! I use a separate email for twitter and FB as I don't want to be "found" either. I got enough folks that I don't want to talk to calling me as it is...people play way too much and I really can't stand it.

Journey to my soul said...

one word: Run!!!!

Adventuresaurus Girl said...

There are too many of these loony guys out there. I wonder what part of the brain they are missing which tells them to stop calling when you don't pick up. Glad you got rid of him.

jay mitch said...

son is giving NY a bad name; for real.

NY183 said...

Give him the link to your blog. Im sure he'll definitely be turned off from knowing he's just a random date and that youll probably never commit.

Anonymous said...

Woooooowwww! I thought that he might have known where he wanted to be in life (married)...I had noooo idea he wanted all of that with you...knowing you for about a couple of conversations...Moving in together? Us? "what our children would be like?"...Really. I felt like calling the FBI when I read this.

d from bmore