Monday, March 30, 2009

The Waiting Game

Ok. I haven’t broken down and read the latest two books to be ALL THE RAGE yet. In fact, I’m holding out. Why? Lots of reasons, some, my own personal belief, that a man can’t tell me how to be a lady, but another one... “who made you the authority on dating? And you aren’t even in my age bracket?” I had this discussion with a couple of different people this weekend, and although I have come to MY OWN conclusions, I want to know what you think? (I know the overall themes of the books are supposed to be good, but...)

How Long Should You Wait to Have Sex With A New Potential Partner?

Here’s my view.

As a woman, I don’t think it matters how long you wait, what you say, or what you do? I waited for different time periods for different reasons. Really, I think the maturity level, in some cases how you meet, if you guys are both in the same mindset and the conversations before and after are what count.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you are looking for something meaningful and long-term, then, there’s a slim to none chance it’s going to happen with a one night-stand (although I’ve heard of success stories), however, if you are waiting and holding out, in hopes that it could blossom into something, well that could backfire too!

I have many experiences to back up my points-of-view. I will share, but what I want to know (from the guys as well). Guys, is there a time frame, in which you say, “Hmmm, she must be the one because she held out for _______ days”???

The books in question: "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" and "He's Just Not That Into You


Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Steve giving up tha Game.

Skoolboi Krush said...

I don't think there is any magic number. You do it when you feel you are ready and its all good. The issue is when you don't get to go out but just come through for sex.

BlkBond said...

Hell no. I live and let live. If I dig her as GF material-she gonna be GF material whether it happen in a week or a month. A sexual timestamp should not be used to determine the promiscuity of adults. That whole notion is crazy to me. You can usually observe and/or have a conversation with someone to know that. That's like if the woman holds back sexually; I get like Darius on Love Jones, "You ain't gotta save mine. I want mine right now" LOL!

Opinionated Diva said...

I've never put a time limit on WHEN to have sex with anyone...but then again one night stands are totally out of the question for me. For me he seriously has to stimulate my mind first...and not with bull shyt ying yang that he THINKS all women want to hear. I can't think of any examples right now but it's always obvious.

When I start inviting dudes to my apartment (and going to there's) which doesn't happen right away (my bat cave is in a secret location yo!)...that's when I'm starting to consider the possibility.

Tunde said...

there is no number of days in my opinion. i've also waited different amounts of time before waiting to sleep with a woman. under all circumstances the type of realtionship we had didn't really depend on that.

i think people place too much emphasis on this topic. if you want to have sex with a person, then just do it. :-)

CareyCarey said...

Hello Miss D.C.

I jumped over here from RiPPa's spot I noticed you have a lot to say's strage ...maybe not, but I visited another site in which a women was conducting her own poll(eight questions) as well. I was game to see what see "thought" she knew about men. See ...well, this is hard to do but I am game to play along and see what kind of game or knowledge you might have. First, since I am relatively new to blogging I'd like for you to drop by ...I think it's important.

Nice meeting you.

Christin said...

I like the 90 day rule. However, I believe that you should do it when it feels right to you and that person. If the communication and maturity level is on point for both, then 90 days or 90 minutes is not going to make a difference whether or not this person gives you what you are looking for.
All of those things need to be established before sex is even into play. Actually, that's what I think the 90 day rule is about; getting to know what you can about a person before you get physical. It might not take that long, in some cases, it might take longer. DC, in your opinion, should you tell a man that you wait 90 days before sleeping with someone? I mean, actually give him a date as to when he could potentially get the goodies? I certainly don't but I wanna know what you and everyone else thinks about telling some one that or getting that kind of info from a woman.


I think women need to stop reading these books. Yes, I said it. Why, because we can’t let other people dictate what is good for us. Women tend to jump on the latest fad/bandwagon, because “such & such” wrote about it, so “it must be true”

My thing is, do what works for you. What works for you, may not work for me. It’s all about trial & error. If you know you become an emotional basket case and pull Jazmin Sullivan’s, or you feel convicted after having sex and start praying after your marathon romp session, then by all means wait.

If you feel like it takes you longer to get to know a guy, or you feel better about waiting, then do you.

But if you get sexually frustrated & sometimes you need to “de-stress” and sex helps...”de-stress” what makes you compfotable.

My point is, you should know yourself better than anyone else. If you need time to figure out who & what you are, to sex or not to sex, to live or not live, do that, but don’t let these outside influences dictate your life...

At least that’s what I think...


@CareyCarey - This isn’t a game, I think it will definitely be more of a game now. Girls will be holding out for 90 days because Steve said so, and guys will be waiting patiently, or trying to get her to go against her new 90 day rule.

I think as adults (although it takes longer for some of us to reach adult status) we should be able to have these discussions.

Some of the taboos & double standards still exists for women & sex and sexuality, and a lot of women feel conflicted by having sex.

I just wanted to see what you guys thought (especially, since I put so much of my sexual exploits out there :)

@ Christin re your question: “DC, in your opinion, should you tell a man that you wait 90 days before sleeping with someone? I mean, actually give him a date as to when he could potentially get the goodies?”

If you choose to follow the 90 day rule, I think you should keep it to yourself. If he knows he has 90 days, he may just stick around for that, or try everything to get you to “break your rule”. However if you simply say you’re not ready yet, without giving him a time frame, then I think you’ll be better off. That’s just my opinion... the guys may feel differently!

DaniB said...

@BlkBond...You gotta love a man that quotes Love Jones. In my opinion and I may be tarred and feathered for this one but I don't feel like a man will respect a woman enough for a long term relationship if she sleeps with him on the first night. Not to say a woman shouldn't give it up on the first night just be prepared for the consequences. If a woman is looking for a meaningful, lasting relationship, stimulate his mind, his interest first.

Steve Harvey really pisses me off. On Oprah, he said that a man needs to provide, protest and pleasure I believe, and if a woman is independent he doesn't know where he fits. My rebuttal to that is woman became independent because men were not stepping up to the plate to provide, protect and pleasure. And I refuse to act helpless to make a man feel like a man. Damn...I got a lot to say about this subject.

Candi_Gurl said...

i havent read the book yet...brought it tho'...i will let you know how i feel