Tuesday, July 21, 2009

200th Post The Swap: Gross Generalizations I Know

Today is the 200th post here and it's time to shake things up. I want to introduce you to a non PC, single black male dater in the DC area. He's a straight shooter, who blogs about everything from sex to movies, to the do's & maybe nots of fwb relationships. He proves to us, that women aren't the only one's who suffer through horrible, someone please come save me dates. I bring to you, Dr. J of The Book of Jackson.

Gross Generalizations I Know by Dr. J

Decided to do a blog swap this week and let Diva take the reins over at TBJ and I would do something on her blog. It never gets boring, but sometimes we all need a change of pace. So this seemed like a viable solution, anyway I'm glad I was able to stop through and show some love.

I am often accused of being bougie, I still don’t know what that means. Most times it’s used to describe my actions, or my insisting on doing things that are probably unnecessary to them, but are necessary to me. An example would be, I go out to eat a lot, sometimes by myself, I will put my entire evening on hold to have a sit down meal because I do not like to rush when eating. I also think places like Chili’s, Friday’s, Ruby Tuesday’s, etc. should never be the location of any meal that I’m having alone or with the company of a young lady. It’s just so common.

I should have known that Never Again and I were not compatible from the beginning because of the circumstances of which I came to meet her. I met her; 1) At a club, 2) I was drunk, 3) She kept asking me for my statistics, and 4) She was wearing a body suit, maybe cat suit is more appropriate. I decided to take the girl out because I’m not really good with phone conversations, so I suggest a weekday evening, at a small off the strip type place called, Perry’s. BEFORE, we went there, I told her, this is one of my sushi spots and I come here often because I know a lot of the staff and they know exactly what I like. (You see how I gave her a clue that this establishment and me already had an existing relationship?) BEFORE, we went there, against my better judgment I told her a lot about the place and the clientele because I’ve been on a few dates lately where the shorty was just tremendously inappropriately dressed or didn’t know what to expect. So I basically was like, it’s a rooftop jumpoff with a young, hip, typical Adams Morgan crowd. BEFORE, we get there I told her that although I usually am seated as soon as I arrive, I’m making reservations that way there will be no need to wait, and I’m making them for 8PM.

FFWD: At 8:15PM, I send her a text that says, “Did you fall in?” She replies, “LOL, no I’m heading out now. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” (Dique.) To myself, I’m like plus you have to find parking, plus you’ve never been here before and it’s not easy to find. You’ll be here at 9PM. But I’m like, nah chill Doc, you’ve been told a lot lately that you need to chill on your expectations that females be on time. She shows up at 9PM… She has on an Ed Hardy tee shirt, and like a dress that looked like overalls, and a pair of pumps. I thought that perhaps she planned on going to Love afterwards. I’m already on edge, but I’m patient.

During our meal and conversation, here are the highlights;
1) She has no clue or interest about politics. If Obama was not Black she probably wouldn’t know anyone who was running for President.
2) She hates how people act all “bougie” and stuck up when they come to places like the place we were at. (I think by bougie she meant speaking in a low voice because only the people at your table need to hear you.)
3) She kept ordering Crown Royal because she couldn’t figure out any of the other specialty drinks and she didn’t want anyone putting anything in her drink.
4) She insisted that we check out Evolve after because they have tight music and she knows a couple of the guys who promote there. (It’s a weekday and I’m in a shirt and tie. No bueno)

I took away a few things from this encounter. Gross generalizations I know… if you want to be treated with respect, be respectable. She was well mannered and very appreciative for everything, but she just didn’t get it. It’s like she missed the bus and it won’t be back for a long time. (Sidenote, one of my friends insisted that the issue was she was from PG County and not Mont. County where girls with class live.) Be on time, be appropriately dressed, adhere to some social norms, and most of all feel out the temperament of the person you are with before jumping off the deep end. Her biggest weakness in all of this was that she kept telling me I was acting bougie and reserved and she never noticed that maybe that’s how I am, and the rest of the restaurant was too. She stood out so much to the point that the next time I went to Perry’s as soon as I walked in the manager was like, “Who was that you came here with the last time?!”

And you know I started dreading that meal and the fact that I’d have to pay for it at 8:15PM, and she did nothing to pull herself from the hole that she had dug. Leaving that date, I had no interest in pursuing anything else with her. What I will tell you is that, I could write a book on the amount of bad dates I’ve had exactly like this one. And lastly, the problems expressed in this post, are recurring problems with several of the dates. This should be a topic for the next, For Sisters Only concert at the Convention Center.


Shawn Smith said...

Dr. J., Great post.

It's always interesting when you try to take someone out of their element and show them different things. Either they are resistant to it or they criticize.

Cheekie said...

Good post, Dr. J.

Yeah, I know too many folks that think "bougie" is just "not acting like an extreme donkey in public".

And that outfit she wore? After you told her what kinda place it was, she probably pulled out waht she thought was her best outfit. lol

True2me said...

you know I love you DR J..I truly do..but of course we could never date (and never would we..)

while I wouldn't necessarily dress like your "date", but I definitely wouldn't be interested in talking about politics (boring..lets talk about sci fi movies or rare music or cynical comedy )

Perhaps you two just aren't compatible...period.

She seems fun and outgoing...and wants to live life..and you want to be serious and talk about whats coming on CNN that night

And to suggest that because she's not from a certain county..well thats just really ignorant..

Some people are more outgoing..you were probably BORING to her(if she were to post her point of view..I mean really who wants to talk about politics..thats not a fun subject and it gets too serious and is for older folks..)

She is probably a really FUN person..and you are just quiet and more reserved for whatever reason

but you are who you are...and you shouldn't change that, so try and find you a quiet chick...and you wont find her having a blast in the club..she'll more than likely be the wallflower that you wont approach cause SHE SEEMS BORING


Captain said...

I've had wierd/bad dates where the woman didn't know how to dress or misrepresented herself, but it goes beyond PG vs MoCo. I don't really see a difference. Just because chicks in MoCo tend to enunciate a little more, it doesn't make them of higher quality.

Good post though.

Anonymous said...

Great post

Did she really say tight music? LOL I feel your pain. I will never understand why people equate acting sensibly with being bougie.


True2me said...

I do agree with anonymous..I have been around fun "bougie" people..and reserved "ghetto" people (one of my closest friends are one)

bougie does always not = boring

ghetto does always not = loud and obnoxious

just FYI

Monica: Amazing said...


It's a wonder people even bother to date at all anymore.

I don't see anything wrong with the girl besides her being late.

I agree w/True2Me...Two people who just weren't compatible. Nothing more or less. No need to put extras on it or blame the girl.

Journey to my soul said...

I feel you on the moment when you realize that you have to pay for a horrible date. Waste of time/money, but I mean...its part of the game.

Elle Kay said...

I don't think you're being fair on the girl because this is just her personality. What was she wearing and acting like when you met her? What even attracted you to her in the first place? Why did you ask her out on a date? I cant believe that everything you saw when you initially met her went out the window. Or stop meeting girls on the internet.

Tunde said...

i agree with everything true2me said.

i don't think the date was that bad besides the fact she kept calling you bougie and she showed up a hour late.

not everyone has to be interested in politics (i know i'm not). i'm more interested in social issues and not what the GOPs problem is with sotomayor.

i'm lightweight offended by the pg comment. i'm from pg and so are a lot of my friends (who have class and dignity). i also know some hood chicks that live in moco (silver spring mainly).

i guess not everyone sees dates the same way though. so i guess keep truckin.

Shawn Smith said...

I'll have to side on Dr. J with this one (got your back).

It was a first date. You are still trying to get to know someone and you try to do something that you are comfortable with and maybe they will enjoy too.

I've heard too many times that women have said that they want a man to step up and plan a date, but when we do we hear "I'on like that" or "I want to do something else".

So, we let you plan it and we pretty much just go along and sometimes finance it.

Don't take the story too seriously. All the man is doing is sharing his story of what happens when you try to take a person out of their normal element and place them in another.

Dr. J said...

The key thing about this post that people are missing is... I'm the same person who will be in my house on Friday, with a 40 and some popeyes, wife beater on, listening to Plies and Jeezy for 5 hours before going out.

I just know how to act when i'm in certain environments.

Anonymous said...
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Brandon St. Randy said...

You meet a chick wearing a body suit and you take her to a sushi spot? You fail. This is classic case of you knew what you were getting into in the first place and want to be mad at her for being who you knew she would be.